APRIL 3, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY TWO INSOMNIAC JUAN VALDEZ AND THE SEVEN UNITED COFFEE PLANTATION WORKERS

APRIL 3, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP   CHALLENGE NUMBER   ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY TWO  INSOMNIAC JUAN VALDEZ   AND THE SEVEN UNITED COFFEE PLANTATION WORKERS   Sanctuaryrose's Challenge

 Ok, so we have all heard of 'Sleeping Beauty', 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves', 'Cinderella', 'Rupunzel', and various fairy tales, well here's the fun part, what if we switched the roles and had some fun with these fairy tales. How about "Sleeping Handsome', 'Snow Man and the Seven Ladies', 'Cinderdude', 'Rupun with the really long hair'Your challenge is to rewrite a fairy tale, any way you want by switching the female roles with male rolls and have fun. Make it funny or crazy, however you want it. Have fun!

   Once upon a time not so long ago, there was a King, named Juan the First who owned a coffee plantation on an island named Valdez,  in the middle of the ocean. His home was a beautiful Ranch Style Castle.  He was married to the nicest woman named Shirley. Shirley was one happy woman!  Beautiful house, right on the beach, rich husband who was finally settled down after the coffee pickers had gone Union. If her husband would stop driving her crazy about giving him a son to carry on when he passed away. Life would be perfect!!!
 So, Shirley went to the village and visited Miss Cleo's Psychic  Adviser Hut and Taco Bell, for a psychic reading about all of it.  Miss Cleo told her to NOT get pregnant any time soon! She told her it was some bad ju ju.. she was so freaked by the badness of the ju ju.. she told Shirley to not come back ..unless it was emergency urgent.. then just Call Me Now but stay away from me!!!  Shirley secretly continued to take her birth control pills, thinking she would go back to see Miss Cleo in a year and see if the ju ju had gotten any nicer. But her husband found the pills and replaced them with Tic Tacs, and then put the romance on Shirley in a big way! Sure enough, Shirley got pregnant and sure enough Miss Cleo told it like the ju ju on the wall said.. she died soon after giving birth to a son.. whom Juan the First named Juan the Second.
 Juan2 lucked out and looked nothing like his father.. this kid was cute!!!  All the coffee pickers would give up their paid holidays just to play with him.  Because his mother had passed on.. there was only one other woman available to wet nurse Juan 2, and she had just had a multiple birth of 8 children and was very busy trying to get people to give her money and a car and a house.. so Juan 2 drank a lot of coffee in his bottle.  This brought about an accelerated growth process so his father made sure he had a steady supply of it. He learned to crawl when he was 4 months old and was walking by the time he was 8 months old. The only drawback to this, was he didn't seem to need much sleep, and the King was worn out! So he got on the internet and looked up Craigslist and found an ad for a new bride to be Juan 2's new stepmother/babysitter.When she arrived on the island she  brought with her, her brother .. who was awfully chummy with the Kings new bride.. the King wondered if all people from Ohio tongue kissed their brothers and sisters.. but decided that it must just be one of those American customs and forgot about it. Her name was Wilma and her brothers name was Fred. Fred had packed the one possession that he would not be without.. his magic mirror. So while Wilma chased Juan 2 all day and night, he would comb his hair and pluck out his eyebrows and have facials.
The King had to pay the coffee pickers overtime and a half for the facials and double time for his daily massage. He would gaze into the mirror and say.. " Mirror Mirror leaned up against the wall..( didn't have any walls to hang it on that would not fall from the weight of it.. it was 10 ft wide and 10 ft. tall.. it was what you call a full view mirror) who is the bitchinest looking guy in the world?"  And the mirror would say.. " YOU are Fred.. why the hell do you keep asking me that? Don't you have any current events you could talk about every once in a while?" And so the years went by peacefully with Juan2 still in accelerated mode with his learning.. he finished grade school when he was 9, high school when he was 14, and went into correspondence courses and entered the online classes to learn how to become an insurance appraiser from Phoenix University.
He aced that course in a month and went on to learn how to be a lock smith.. then they figured out it was a wasted effort since no one had doors on their houses on the island of Valdez.
 Since there wasn't much left he could do by correspondence courses,  he decided to become an inventor, but gave that up when his automatic coffee berry picking machine kept tearing up every time the United Coffee Pickers tried to use it. So sad...
By the time he was 18 his good looks had won him a modeling job for Calvin Klein. He used the stage name .. Juan Valdez...  
   He traveled all over the world doing photo shoots selling CK drawers, and promoting his fathers coffee to the public. He was successful beyond his fathers wildest dreams!
The coffee pickers all adored him and followed him around in hopes he would want to marry one of them someday. But Juan2 was having a good time sewing his wild coffee beans! He wasn't looking for a wife at all! He still drank lots of coffee.. about 3 gallons a day and slept only 2 or 3 hours every other day. But his looks never suffered.. if anything he just go got better looking all the time!
 Black hair that was so shiny it looked just like a crows feather.. a deep dark tan that never faded,  dimples, and eyes so black they reminded one of midnight when a when hurricane was hitting the beach..  George Clooney eat your heart out! One day when Fred and Wilma were in Freds room.. umm.. playing cards.. yeah that is it.. they were playing cards, when Wilma looked at the Magic Mirror and said " Mirror Mirror leaning against the wall.. am I still as beautiful as I was before I came to be the Queen of this island, without a mall?" And the mirror replied, " Honey when you go on vacation you ain't gona need to buy no luggage to pack your clothes in.. you grew your own under your eyes.. and as for being beautiful as you were before.. that has not changed at all.. cause you was not looking that good to start with! Is it too much to ask somebody to get a bottle of Windex and clean me off every once in a while.. I scared myself to death the other day when I thought I was seeing white spots before my eyes.. and it was just hair gel from Mr. Universe over there." Fred decided to ask the mirror his favorite question, " Mirror Mirror leaning against the wall.. who is the the bitchinest looking guy in the world?" And the mirror replied," Hahahahahahahaa! I have been waiting for you to ask me that for weeks now.. cause you fell to number 20 in the ratings poll this week.. Juan2 is not only the bitchinest looking guy in the world.. he is gona inherit a coffee plantation and an island one of these days.. you got zip in the bank and your father left all his money to a rat that lived under the floor ... " Fred was stunned! Fred was dumbfounded! Fred got pissed! Fred got on the net and googled his problem and made arrangement to get rid of Juan2 with a company called.. HIT-MEN-R-US...  he had to wait a week for his credit card to be verified cause he didn't have Pay Pal.. what is he thinking?.. everybody has PayPal! When they arrived on the island it took another two days to just get all the plans made straight about what was to happen, they were a union shop and brought their union steward with them. Fred got three grievances written on him before they got off the boat. He revealed to them a plan to kidnap Juan2, put him in a burlap sack, and throw him in the ocean. They agreed upon this plan and set about making it come about. Juan2 was found in his usual spot .. climbing up and down the coconut trees.. cause they were there..
They sneaked up under the tree, and snatched him as he started climbing back up.  They tied a blindfold over his eyes and tied his hands behind his back, Then placed him  into a burlap sack.
Then while one guy carried him to the beach the other five discussed what would be good for lunch. The Hit Men left him there while they took there hour lunch break.

 Juan2 wiggled and rolled and wiggled and rolled until he rolled himself out into the woods on the island. The coffee pickers homes were behind the trees in the suburbs of Valdez, but Juan2 had never been invited to come over for any sleep overs or anything. Except that one girl.. what was her name? ... Susan?.. Kathy?.. sigh.. he thought about this while he rolled and tumbled in the woods and when he finally worked his way out of the sack.. he was lost big time! He wandered around in the woods for a good 15 or 20 minutes before 7 of the United Coffee Pickers found him on their way home from a shift at the Grinding Shed. They saw Juan2 was in caffeine withdrawal and immediately set up an espresso machine that ran on batteries, and fixed him a double strong lottie with whipped creme! When the workers figured out Juan2 was lost and didn't know his way home.. being young females, whom had lusted after him for years... they had a girl council and decided to keep him for a while. Juan2 thought this was an excellent idea .. after all they had espresso.. and one of them was named Victoria .. and she told him a lot of secrets! So the days went by and the nights went by and Juan2 was really in no hurry to find his way back home ... but at the Ranch Style Castle .. the King was in hysterics!...

 (When the hit men realized that Juan2 had escaped while they were at lunch.. they decided it was good enough for government work and just neglected to tell Fred that he was not in the ocean.. but they told the truth kind of by saying he had disappeared from their lives, and we expect payment in full in cash before we leave the island" Fred sneaked down to his room and said to the Magic Mirror, " Mirror Mirror leaning against the wall.. who is the most bitchin' looking guy in the world? "And the Magic Mirror said," You are so lame! Do you actually think those idiots you hired got the job done? Your just pitiful now! Juan2 is still the most bitchin' looking man in the world!" Fred flew out of the room to stop payment on his credit card payment to the hit men.. but it was too late.. they had already left the island in a seaplane they had bought with the money from his credit card payment.
  While Fred was in town he paid a visit to Miss Cleo ... told her of his problems with not finding good help these days, and that he was in need of something that would get rid of Juan2 forever, and ate a Taco Supreme.!  Miss Cleo took pity on the pitiful sight he made and handed him a red plastic container and said .." Find him and substitute this for his coffee container.. and he will fall into a deep sleep and never awaken from it.." Fred looked at the canister and asked what was in it that would make this happen?..  Miss Cleo replied.. " Decaf." Not trusting anyone else to do it.. Fred himself tracked Juan2 into the fores,t, and saw him having dinner with the 7 United Coffee Pickers. Being very quiet he slipped into the back of the house Juan2 was staying at, and exchanged his canister for the canister of coffee they had. And then slithered back to the Ranch Style Castle. Sure enough the next morning.. none of the 7 United Coffee Pickers could wake Juan2 up. They even got mirrors and held them under his nose to made sure he was still alive. They were frantic! Worried beyond anything they had ever been worried about before! So they decided to go shopping to relieve the stress of the situation.  Putting a blanket over Juan2, they left to go to the mall on the nearest island.. for a couple of days.. or since Juan2 had started to snore..  maybe a week. Juan2 slept on, never even waking to go to the bathroom.. ewwwwww! On the second day the 7 United Coffee Pickers were gone.. a boat pulled up on the beach and beautiful woman climbed out of it!
 She was blonde and blue eyed... with a tiny bikini on that had the words, Property of the Titanic II embroidered on the back of the bottoms.
The woman, immediately started walking at a rapid pace into the woods, looking behind her every few minutes. She spied the workers houses and heard the most awful noise coming from one of them..
 Kind of like a chainsaw and a fog horn mix. She decided to check it out and she found Juan2 still on the couch, still covered with a blanket and the ceiling over him had cracked from the high volume of the snoring. He was covered in little pieces of plaster and looked absolutely adorable! She decided it was time to wake this man up and do away with that snoring, and so she could get a better view of him. So she searched out the coffee and set about making a pot. But she noticed that the coffee was a really light color and realized it was decaf!  She searched the other United Coffee Pickers houses, and came up with some extra dark roast and made a really thick pot of coffee.. It ate through the bottom of the coffee carafe and she had to scrape it off the stove to get it in the cup..
First she waved it under Juan2's nose ..  then she dipped a finger in it and placed it on his lips..
 Juan 2 stopped snoring and started to lick his lips furiously! So deciding to be bold she took a mouthful of the brew, and despite the immediate burning sensation of her mouth being eaten away.. she pressed her mouth to his and gave him a straight injection from her mouth to his of almost pure caffeine!    Need I say that became one of the longest french roast kisses in history! It turned out that the beautiful woman was in hiding from her boyfriend who worked for HIT-MEN-R-US, and had jumped off the cruise ship into the little life boat , ending up on Juan2's beach.
 She was a gossip columnist from back in Ohio.
Juan2 fell in love immediately, and when the 7 United Coffee Pickers returned home.. they showed them how to get back to the Ranch Style Castle..
The King was overjoyed!
 He called his wife, Wilma, and her bother, Fred into the living room to show them that Juan2 had made it home.

 When the blonde girl said in a puzzled voice, " Fred is that you? Wilma! I have not seen you since you guys wedding day!"
Needless to say.. Wilma and Fred and Miss Cleo were banished to another island many miles away with an active volcano on it, and Juan2 and the Blonde were married.

They lived happily ever after picking coffee beans and doing the Folgers Flutters Dance everyday!   The End...

Terri McCain/lockerridge For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP

lockerridge  

APRIL 1, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY ONE... TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY...

APRIL 1, 2009
 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE
 ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY ONE.

 TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY...

Kittigory's Challenge Choose a favorite popular ballad, and write your own version of the story it tells. Give your story a title, and, as an added, though no required bonus, post the actual song lyrics. The rain continued to pour down relentlessly on my head as I sat there listening for the sirens. Tears were mingling with the rain water running down my face as I held on tight to Joshs' hand. How could this have happened now?  Why now, of all times in our marriage, when things were finally starting to actually feel like we were going to make it? My mind flashed back to just the day before, when things had finally come to the crisis point and I had ran away from him
. Josh and I had married right out of high school, we were so sure that the world was ours and nothing would ever stop us from creating the life we both wanted, or thought we wanted. Who could ever imagine what happened. That a guy who was so popular and such a sweet heart in school, could have a childhood history that would tear both of us into little pieces in just a few years. His jealousy of me with anyone began with small things. He would question me repeatedly about where I had been any time I was without him. Then it escalated into him following me and watching my every move. The accusations became intolerant after a while. I was miserable and so was he. He always seemed to be searching for something I could not give him. I could not fathom what more I could do, that would make him secure in my love for him. I became a non person. I could have no friends, they were all trying to lead me into secret affairs. I could not visit my parents, they were all trying to make me hate him, come between us. This last year had been so bad, we didn't go anywhere for Christmas or Thanksgiving as I knew it would lead to him becoming a monster when the car door shut on the way home. He bought cell phones for us and called me constantly all day. If I turned it off or was out of range, he would become frantic and when he did reach me, the accusations and uncalled for suspicion and fear were more than I could handle. I hung up on him once while I was trying to interview for a new job.
That night he hit me for the first time. He arrived at the doorstep within two hours of the fight with a dozen roses and fell to his knees with apologies. It was the first time we really talked about what made him the way he was. With many tears he told me of the way he grew up with a mother who was a manic depressive. He never knew what person he would be living with from day to day. She would swing from wild behavior with drugs and many strange men, to pious and spouting Bible Scripture at him the next week. She finally took her own life when he was 13 years old. I forgave him and he promised to try harder to trust me. It was great for a while and then he started to slip back into the old behavior.
 I let it slide and slide and slide.. until yesterday, when I was late by 5 minutes getting home from work.
 The only thing that saved me from a beating that would have put me in the hospital was a vacuum cleaner salesman who rang the doorbell and distracted him.
I scrambled to the door and threw it open and literally grabbed that poor man, and drug him with me to the outside of our apartment building.  I didn't stop to explain.. I just ran.. and ran.. I ended up at my parents house, they wanted me to call the police, but I just could not do it. I love Josh, I want to be with him always, I married him and I took my vows seriously. In sickness and health I would stand by him, but I also realized I would not let him continue to treat me this way, when I was innocent of all his imaginary crimes. Instead I called the hot line for help with a person who is mentally unstable. I made an appointment for us the next day, and then called Josh.
 He was furious that I had left, and demanded I return home immediately, get out of my parents house where they were poisoning my mind against him.
I had turned on the phone messaging recorder at the beginning of the conversation and just let him run his usual outrage against me till he was spent. I told him if he wanted to save our marriage to meet me at the hospital the next day and that was the only way I would agree to see him period. He said he would be there.
 I prayed he would. I arrived early for the appointment and to my surprise he was already there. He started the usual apologetic diatribe as he always did complete with tears and begging. I stood firm this time... no more... no more..  We went in to see the counselor and he listened for a while to me tell my side of this story and then he looked to Josh to begin his.  Josh was a stone wall. He was admitting to nothing. He wasn't going to be made to be the bad guy, cause he actually was thinking he wasn't. Then I pulled out the tape from our phone conversation the previous day. His face turned red and then white.
He began to pace the room, and then he finally exploded. The counselor looked at me in the midst of the tirade, and asked if I would sign to have him involuntarily admitted and I shook my head yes, then quietly, I left the room. I filled out the paperwork and I could hear Josh yelling and screaming, fighting them for all he was worth.
Then it just got quiet.
Really quiet. I got in my car and headed home to our apartment, and the rain started to fall, I thought perfect weather for this kind of day. And then my own tears began to fall, it hurt so bad to have to do that to him, my strong, loving, mentally ill man. I love you more than you will ever know, I did it for you, for us, for the future. The rain was really falling hard now, and I was not paying attention to the road, from my tear blurred eyes and anguished heart, when suddenly from the side of the road an image darted in front of the car.. I threw on the brakes and the car slid sideways hitting the figure solidly.
 I watched in horror as it flew through the air, and landed in the ditch. I had to use my feet to kick the door open, then I flew to check on the man I had just hit. .
 OH MY GOD!
JOSH!
I dug my cell phone from my pocket, and called 911.
 He was breathing.. barely. He had gotten free somehow and ran to catch me.

WHY JOSH.. OH WHY!!!

Dear God Why ?

 I sit here feeling numb, in the pouring rain, holding that beloved and now cold hand.
Why.. Joshua.. Why...

The End Terri McCain/lockerridge
   
TRULY, MADLY,, DEEPLY
Savage Garden
I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope I'll be your love Be everything that you need. I love you more with every breath Truly madly deeply do.. I will be strong I will be faithful 'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning. A reason for living. A deeper meaning. I want to stand with you on a mountain. I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me... And when the stars are shining brightly In the velvet sky, I'll make a wish Send it to heaven Then make you want to cry.. The tears of joy For all the pleasure and the certainty. That we're surrounded By the comfort and protection of. The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you.. I want to stand with you on a mountain, I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever, Until the sky falls down on me... Oh can't you see it baby? You don't have to close your eyes 'Cos it's standing right before you. All that you need will surely come... I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope I'll be your love Be everything that you need .I'll love you more with every breath Truly madly deeply do...    
For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP lockerridge

MARCH 29, 2009 WARNING... SANI-FLUSH BLOG...

MARCH 29, 2009
WARNING...
SANI-FLUSH BLOG...



Before I get into this subject.. let me warn you, this is a highly opinionated blog, it is a sarcastic blog, and it is a subject which pisses me off to the end of the day and into tomorrow. This whole thing is more fucked up than a pile of coat hangers!
Yes I said a nassy word.. know why? Cause it is the best one to get the point across in my anger! But I promise not to say it any more and I will try my best not to sprinkle colorful adjectives and verbs into it as much as I can restrain and express my true feelings. If I tend to run a biT long and you get bored with me.. that is okay.. I won't be upset if you just click away and hope I am onto a nicer side of Lockie tomorrow.. but as for today.. I just need to blow or I am going to try my best to straighten out that pile of coat hangers and I will get even more disturbed than I am right now. I appreciate your reading and I appreciate your comments more. If I am twisted off at the top of the of ground and have gotten information that is incorrect or I have misunderstood it.. feel free to tell me.. just be sweet or I just might turn into the first statistic to be hospitalized from" overload of bullshit" nervous breakdown.      I own several of both kinds of these light bulbs. I was even the lucky recipient of a free gift from Yahoo Answers in their big push for green. Woohoo! At least I got something out of that place that doesn't try to profile me, and display it for the entire world to see.. or maybe I should check it out for tiny microphones and cameras. I read a few things about the new curly bulbs on a friends blog that has me disturbed in a very negative way about the use of these bulbs. One of the first things which rankled me.. was the fact that we actually have a law which has set a date of 2014 that the old style incandescent bulbs will be banned from our use. Anyone selling these bulbs in the USA will be breaking the law.. not just any old law.. a federal law... and will be prosecuted... Canada is in front of us with a date of 2012 and then Australia leads the movement with a date of 2010. All in the name of saving energy and reducing the global warming effect which is, as I type, being revised and rethought and basically.. they just "aren't all that sure anymore what is causing it.... maybe it is something to do with sunspots"..

WTF?
YOUR NOT SURE?
THE PILE OF COAT HANGERS
JUST GOT A BIT LARGER..

. And then I watched a little video of a politician speaking out about another aspect of the bulb.. NONE.. and I mean NONE of these light bulbs are manufactured in the USA. They are being imported from..
guess who..
 that is right.. the nation which has killed our animals and then put, an ingredient into baby formula that when it is mixed with chlorine.. bonds with it and makes little pieces of plastic..which cause the infants kidneys to fail..  it has killed babies in their own country.  Guess wHat the major chemical  used to purify water is? Yep.. Chlorine...
 So when the powdered or concentrated baby formula is mixed with water to obtain a palatable formula for a baby to digest.. from a pure water source..  it makes plastic!
WHY?????
would they do such a thing you ask...
 because they were unaware that this is what happens to the ingredient they used..
because of a mix up in labeling of things they were using and it was only a temporary thing?
NO...  They did it because it made the testing of nutrients bump up a bit higher quality range,  and they could get past the safeguards installed to protect the people of planet Earth from losing their lives due to the food they are eating, and spend virtually no money doing it.  Have you figured who did this yet?. The country which depends for one third of its income from selling products to..none other than..
 Walmart.
Which has a store planted on every city block in America, They want every dollar made in America to be spent at their Super Stores!
 But only give their employee just enough hours that they are considered part time and not eligible for any employer benefits..
 Edit of the following information
JaeElle who has been employed by her own local Walmart for several years has corrected in the matter of who is entitled to benefits and the hours they work. Thankyou dear friend!  For her input please refer to her comment below.  but this does not mean they only work a couple days a week.. oh no.. this means they spread the shifts into four hours or three each day of the week. except for the days they term as days off your allowed but they choose which ones. They don't buy from Americans.. but control almost all of the retail sales in America today.  If you guessed the country of
 CHINAyou are correct!!!
Then there is a little matter of these curly bulbs contain mercury.. and then.. they are being found to cause a lot of medical problems. and they are very very inconsistent with the amount of UV rays they are exposing us to.. but of course.. China would never sell us anything that would cause us harm would they?  Watch this UTube video and see if you don't agree with this senator from the great state of Texas.
      I have learned that incandescent bulbs also put mercury into our environment.. I tried valiantly to understand this fact.. but that is one I am going to have to give a walk around right now and just take them at their word on it..  I will continue to study and perhaps.. if my brain still has enough brain cells left after being exposed to toxic substances with enough cause for concern, to initiate an EPA study to be conducted, which prompted a disposal Plan put into their files as what is necessary to be safe in my own home from products the government is making me use in the name of a Think Green hysteria sweeping the planet! Perhaps if I survive the catastrophic damage to my body that is sure to come ..
the media says so..
it is MY fault the planet is becoming so uninhabitable that they are trying to set up casinos and commercial space vacations to the moon soon. Leaving so much trash surrounding this planets outer layers that one must worry if the shooting star they see might be a radioactive fuel cell that has reentered and is going to crash land on the top of your house.. which is not an act of God so your insurance carrier will not cover the repairs   Perhaps if I survive all this and manage not to end up in jail for selling a 60 watt incandescent bulb to my neighbor for his egg incubator,
(flouresecents won't work.. they are just TOO COOL to do the job)
 I will become as brilliant as the politicians and Al Gore in their race to see who makes the most money out of this hysteria they are causing.
Gore hit over a million in selling himself in personal appearances and talks to anyone who would listen. He put a lot of that money into his house with installing green measures to save energy ... they are reporting that his energy use went up instead of down.. maybe cause he remodeled and enlarged it at the same time.. but got to take a tax deduction for the entire remodeling as a energy break.. or business expense or maybe they make a special Al Gore tax shelter just for him!. On the top of all this great build up of bullshit.. we now are having people become ill from using these most excellent mercury filled, made in China curly light bulbs.
 Gee who would have thought that would happen?
 Must be my fault again.. the media hasn't chimed in with its disclaimer yet.. so I managed to get these two videos of some studies done out of the USA.. of their effect on peoples health.. the USA doesn't have a study.. nor does Australia.. or Canada.. but they are the ones with the new laws about them...
Bullshit just got up to my neck! There is two parts to this report and each video is approx. 5 minutes long. They are very informative.. but I can't vouch for their authenticity.. all I can do is get the information to you so you as intelligent human beings has a little insight into what is going on if you did not know already.
The bottom video is the first and the top the second     This is a link to one website where I gathered some information which is not too technical and whose information is not bias toward one of the other of the light bulbs.  It took a while to find one that was not telling me that curly bulbs are simply the best and my old beloved light sources I have grown up with and used all my life are now somehow.. evil and must be done away with! Click here Here is a sample from them, I copy and pasted from their site.. As everyone probably knows by now, Congress passed a new energy bill recently, and effectively banned incandescent light bulbs. Okay, not exactly banned them, but they're phasing them out. The new rules apply starting in 2012, and by the year 2014, it will be illegal to manufacture or sell traditional incandescent bulbs, due to tightened standards.  The law requires a certain level of efficiency, that currently only compact fluorescent lamps can fulfill. Lasting 6 times longer than traditional bulbs, compact fluorescent lamps are also much more energy efficient. But sometimes the cure is worse than the disease, and compact fluorescent lamps are not without problems. They are extremely sensitive to temperatures, and don't work well in cold areas, such as garages or basements in cooler climates.
 They are 25% longer in size than the typical incandescent bulb, and this makes them unsuitable for various lighting fixtures, including chandeliers and other ceiling mounted lights. These will have to be replaced or reconfigured to accommodate the new bulbs, and that could prove to be quite expensive . You can't use most of the compact fluorescent bulbs with existing dimmer switches or timers. Newer versions that can be dimmed, will require new CFL adaptable dimmers and timers. (That's right-another expense.) The quality of the light is different, as is the ambiance.  Compact fluorescent lamps make horrible reading lights, and many people (myself included), find them unpleasant and lacking warmth. (Think of a sterile hospital lobby.)  Some people find that the CFLs give them migraines, and others experience headaches and eyestrain. They are reported to trigger epileptic seizures in susceptible people, as well as to cause problems for people with lupus.  This from a United States of America EPA Government information site. US.govEpa
Effects of other mercury compounds (inorganic and organic)

High exposures to inorganic mercury may result in damage to the gastrointestinal tract, the nervous system, and the kidneys. Both inorganic and organic mercury compounds are absorbed through the gastrointestinal tract and affect other systems via this route. However, organic mercury compounds are more readily absorbed via ingestion than inorganic mercury compounds. Symptoms of high exposures to inorganic mercury include: skin rashes and dermatitis; mood swings; memory loss; mental disturbances; and muscle weakness. People concerned about their exposure to inorganic mercury should consult their physician.   Types of Mercury-Containing Bulbs    *   Fluorescent bulbs, which include linear, U-tube and circline fluorescent tubes, bug zappers, tanning bulbs, black lights, germicidal bulbs, high output bulbs, cold-cathode fluorescent bulbs, and compact fluorescent bulbs;    * High intensity discharge bulbs, which include metal halide, ceramic metal halide, high pressure sodium, and mercury vapor;    * Mercury short-arc bulbs; and    * Neon bulbs.    Well I do feel a bit better for the massive rant..
I have not touched on my theory of the launching of the space shuttle corresponds to earthquakes occurring around 5 to 7 days later, which are large enough to cause loss of life and property damage.. and it is not just the space shuttle.. the entire world is now shooting off solid fuel rockets at tremendous psi of pressure on a small spot of earth and it is bound to have an effect somewhere below where there is a weakness that makes the earths mantle shift.
I have followed that phenomenon for a few years now.. I even went so far as to send my observations to NASA.. and to the earthquake watchers around the world.I may have made the mistake of putting the wrong email address on it though.. I am pretty sure my id was spelled like this when I looked again..
 SPAM...
 I am just one more little uneducated person on this planet when it comes to stuff like that.. but if they need somebody to blame for global warming.. there I stand.. with my can of hairspray and my incandescent light bulbs.. I am guilty! I won't tell anyone that every time they send up the shuttle it dumps enough chlorine gas into the atmosphere that if we had a sun spot at the same time.. we would be a crispy critter.
See.. that is what they are thinking maybe is causing the hole in the ozone layer.. that and .. well .. somebody finally leaked the news out to the little folk.. the hole in the ozone layer develops every year over one of the poles.. it can't get any larger than it is because it stops when the temperature rises to a certain degree .. and then when the seasons change.. gasp.. it closes back up!...All of the flow, pie, and graphical charts I have studied.. show a cooling trend in our global climate since 1996.. not a warming one.
The oceans are not warmer.. they are doing what they usually do.. well if they would quit spilling billions of gallons of oil out there and stop dumping toxic waste on top of it.
I have an idea..
 why not go after the bastards who are getting rich off illegally dumping bio hazard wastes in the oceans and burying them under the ground instead of forcing me to buy a certain kind of light bulb, which is probably gona kill me in the state of california with cancer.   That pile of coat hangers just reached my ceiling and I can't find my bolt cutters anywhere!..
Take care of yourselves.. our government no longer has the ability to take care of our government... let alone the people who live under its ridiculous bullshit shoveling self serving rules.

lockerridge

MARCH 23, 2009 HERE COMES THE RAIN AGAIN... SIGH..

MARCH 23, 2009 HERE COMES THE RAIN AGAIN... SIGH..        Well according to my weather caster here in Lockie Land.. it is coming at me.. will be here sometime around 6 a.m. in the morning.. sigh.. I mean good grief! Can we have just a little break here in between the ice storms and the tornado touch downs.. the hail bombings.. and wind gusting? I suppose not.. sigh.. lol.. I know you are probably thinking.. stop your whining woman.. it is just mother nature changing clothes for the next season.. but I had one heck of a year for weather related stuff last year and I just wish we could have a month or so of calm and nice before we hit the big time again! Last year we had a doozy of a time of it, and I am really pretty nervous about this spring for sure. I put together a movie of what hit us last year and because I was not so knowledgeable about how these things work on the internet.. lots of folks didn't have the opportunity to see it because their computers wouldn't play it for them. Since then, I have gotten a bit more educated about things and I am posting it again. I hope it is viewable by everyone this time. Once you see it, I think you will understand why I am a wee bit nervous about it happening all over again. So in lieu of me prattling on and on.. here is the video and my current weather forecast for tonight and tomorrow.  

This is the radar that is coming at me.. and more behind it..       Crawford (Arkansas)SHORT TERM FORECASTNATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TULSA OK956 PM CDT MON MAR 23 2009ARZ001-002-010-011-019-020-029-OKZ049-053>076-240400-BENTON-CARROLL-WASHINGTON AR-MADISON-CRAWFORD-FRANKLIN-SEBASTIAN-PUSHMATAHA-CHOCTAW-OSAGE-WASHINGTON OK-NOWATA-CRAIG-OTTAWA-PAWNEE-TULSA-ROGERS-MAYES-DELAWARE-CREEK-OKFUSKEE-OKMULGEE-WAGONER-CHEROKEE-ADAIR-MUSKOGEE-MCINTOSH-SEQUOYAH-PITTSBURG-HASKELL-LATIMER-LE FLORE-956 PM CDT MON MAR 23 2009.NOW...AT 9:45 PM...NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADARS INDICATED ALINE OF SHOWERS TO STRONG THUNDERSTORMS ACROSS NORTHEASTOKLAHOMA...NORTH OF INTERSTATE 44...AND EXTENDED BACK INTOSOUTHWEST OKLAHOMA AHEAD OF A COLD FRONT AND DRY LINE. SOME OFTHESE THUNDERSTORMS HAVE BECOME SEVERE WITH THE POSSIBILITY OFLARGE HAIL AND VERY STRONG WINDS. THESE SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMSWERE MOVING TO THE EAST AND NORTHEAST AT AROUND 40 MPH.THROUGH 11 PM...SHOWERS TO STRONG THUNDERSTORMS WILL CONTINUE TOSPREAD ACROSS NORTHEAST OKLAHOMA AS THE COLD FRONT OVERRUNS THEDRY LINE AND PUSHES TO THE EAST. LOCATIONS TO BE AFFECTED WILL BETHOSE MAINLY ALONG AND NORTH OF INTERSTATE 44. HEAVYRAINFALL...STRONG GUSTY WINDS...SMALL SIZE HAIL AND DANGEROUSCLOUD TO GROUND LIGHTENING COULD BE POSSIBLE WITHIN THETHUNDERSTORMS...WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF BECOMING SEVERE.A TORNADO WATCH IS IN EFFECT UNTIL MIDNIGHT CDT TONIGHT FORCREEK...TULSA...OSAGE...PAWNEE...ROGERS AND WASHINGTON COUNTIES INNORTHEAST OKLAHOMA .AND THAT IS THE WORLD ACCORDING TO LOCKIE THIS MARCH 23, 2009...
 HOW IS IT IN YOUR LITTLE CORNER OF THE EARTH?



lockerridge

MARCH 19, 2009 Un ponton à l'Anse Vata Panoramas by Gregory Panayotou

MARCH 19, 2009

 Un ponton à l'Anse Vata Panoramas by Gregory Panayotou Have you ever wondered what a trip to Easter Island would be like? Or a trip to a market in Tahiti? Maybe what it feels like to kite surf... I stumbled onto this thing google has for us now, called 360Cities. It is not really new as in just hit the net... but it just found its way into my life and WOW! It is really awesome.     It provides the viewer with a 3Dimensional panoramic view of what the person who is filming the image is seeing. It is truly the next best thing to being there!  I was so caught up,  I just kept searching further and finding more and more to view. I was addicted in a matter of minutes   Some of them can be embedded into a blog or website and some cannot. The ones which can't do not need any kind of interaction from you.. they will run on their own. But the embeddable ones must be worked by using your cursor.

 By placing the cursor on the right or left side you can click and hold it down and it will move in a 360 degree circle and you feel like your there!
If you wish to zoom out or in.. simply roll the scroller on your mouse like with a photo editor.    Choose full screen and then click to turn off the controls... to get it to work like I mentioned above.. just play with it .. it is addictive and if your not careful.. you end up writing a blog at 4:04 a.m. like me!    Here are some other links to his fantastic work.. I am impressed.... truly impressed!
 I have embedded this one of a trip to Easter Island.. it is just so surreal.. I felt like I was standing right there beside those ancient and spooky statues!

    http://www.360cities.net/profile/gregory_panayotou    http://www.direct2brain.net/    http://www.tahiti360.tv/   
Another Day At Ahu Tongariki (Wiew from Front Right) in Rapa Nui - Easter Island



lockerridge

UnFREEz 2.1 - WhitSoft Development

http://www.whitsoftdev.com/unfreez/
UnFREEz is a high-speed Windows application that will take any number of images, saved as separate GIF files, and create a single animated GIF from those images. What makes this program unique from its competitors? First and foremost, UnFREEz is freeware, which means you may use it forever without paying a cent or feeling the slightest bit guilty. Secondly, UnFREEz is incredibly tiny, meaning you don't have to spend forever downloading an extremely bloated piece of software. Finally, it is so easy to use. Just drag and drop some GIF files from Explorer, set the frame delay time, and hit Make Animated GIF. UnFREEz will take care of the rest, including automatic interlacing and transparency detection. So download UnFREEz now and try it out for yourself! If you like it, keep it; it's free! This program is written in non-MFC Win32 C++, and should not need any additional files to run.

MARCH 17, 2009 EVER WONDERED WHAT IS BENEATH A SCOTSMAN'S KILT.. WONDER NO LONGER!

MARCH 17, 2009
 EVER WONDERED
WHAT IS BENEATH
A SCOTSMAN'S KILT..
WONDER NO LONGER!

 

TIS THE MONTH OF THE BLESSINGS OF THE IRISH UPON US ALL, IF NO LEPRECHAUNS ARE ABOUT TO STEAL OUR GOLD! INSIDE THIS BLOG I HAVE DECLARED IT A LEPRECHAUN FREE ZONE.    . SO STAY A WHILE AND LISTEN TO THIS DITTY ABOUT WHAT LIES BENEATH A SCOTSMAN'S KILT..     (I know it is not Irish.. but all that was left at the "Get Irish Blog Songs Here" store was this one or a big bowl of Irish potato salad.. so live with it okay!)






IRISH BLESSING Take time to work, It is the price of success. Take time to think,It is the source of power. Take time to play,It is the secret of perpetual youth. Take time to read,It is the foundation of wisdom. Take time to be friendly,It is the road to happiness. Take time to love and be loved,It is the privilege of the gods .Take time to share,Life is too short to be selfish. Take time to laugh,Laughter is the music of the soul. ~Anon

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS' DAY MY FRIENDS
lockerridge

MARCH 14, 2009 CRITTERS LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE WARNING! IF YOU ARE RECOVERING FROM A BOWEL DISTURBANCE.. YOU MAY WANT TO WAIT TO READ THIS ONE... OR BRING CLEAN UNDIES!

MARCH 14, 2009 CRITTERS LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE
WARNING
IF YOU ARE RECOVERING FROM A BOWEL DISTRUBANCE.. YOU MAY WANT TO WAIT TO READ THIS ONE...
OR BRING CLEAN UNDIES WITH YOU...
 

Hi y'all!
 Remember me?
I am standing in for Lockie Bunny today due to the nature of this blog. She and I talked about it and since I have the ability to climb trees and she doesn't .. we made the decision she should just stay well out of the way for this blog today!... HEY!
There she is!
 Say Hi to Lockie Bunny everyone
Even though she has doodoo crowding her liver today...   In other words I am saying Yellow Belly would be an appropriate color for her to wear if she was going to stick out anything but her ears for us to see..

     

  Hold up a minute and let me get a little fortitude in me.. thanks for leaving me the straw..   sluuuurrrrppp!   ahhhhh!   Okay here  we go! The first three photos are of a humungus gator found somewhere in the US. Wile sent me the pictures a while back and I lost them in my My Pictures folder and had to search a while.. And sure enough I was not dreaming, when I thought I had saved them..   Know why?   Cause I found them silly!
LOL..

I need to lay off the fortitude for a while I think... ahem..
The reason I have not posted them before now was that a lot of disagreement was going on as to the honesty of the pictures being actual photos and not products of Photoshopping.
 The information,  that was posted with the pictures,
had grown a bit different with each forwarding of the pictures in email.
There were many  different locations and the size of the gator grew tremendously ...

 It is not Wiles' fault that somebody else .. Lied Thier Butts Off About It..      Here is what I think is the real, as true as you can believe off the internet,  information concerning Hungry Hugo with the disturbing beady eyes..   And really big appetite..   .
     These pictures were taken in 2004 by Terri Jenkins, an officer of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife service over the Harris Neck National Wildlife Refuge about 40 miles South of Savannah, Georgia.    According to a news release, she was aboard a helicopter that was igniting prescribed fires in the refuge when the 12 to 13-foot alligator was spotted swimming with the full-grown deer in its mouth.
I will admit that this one is a bit of comic relief before we look at the next series of
critters doing things like we usually don't see them do. I have no idea what the one bird is doing with its body half way inserted into the mouth of the other one. I used it for a 360 Chicks background, and of course Dani was the one needing to have, the boat motor, screw drivers, assorted gum wrappers, and Slim Jim wrappers removed for Spring Cleaning..
Hiya Dingle!..
 I know your out there somewhere..
I can hear you crunching M&M's and smell the chocolate.. Save me some of those will ya?
My Auntie J. sent these to me. We agreed that we have never seen rattlers this big before. I know that these shots had to have been taken with a very long range telephoto lens, because even though they seem to have eyes only for each other ..   Trust me.. Mating season is not the time to try to make them famous, with an up close and personal photo shoot!
The way they can raise up that high off the ground just scares the tookus out of me.. Even though I know, they won't usually strike unless they are coiled up.
Usually... but not never..
whoa... Reminds me of a newly wed couple out house hunting.. "Oh! l love that bush over that rock pile over there! And no close neighbors that won't be eaten within a week or two!" "NO Wait! Honey slither over there and check out that view from that boulder with the hole under it.. dark and hidden ... just like we dreamed!" "Well dear this one is not as far from work, would save on commute time to the rats nests over there by the dead sumac bush...just something to keep in mind." "OH FANG, I LOVE YOU!" "NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU, MY LITTLE VENOM POCKET!" Well, it has been great seeing everyone again.. I hope to see you more often in the future.
Gotta hurry up and get these pics downloaded to the PC. Can't wait to see the shots of Bunny Lockie hitting 60Mph when she saw those rattle tattlers!
And the one of the cop giving her a ticket for speeding! That is okay though..
We all know that she will ... JUST KEEP ON...
 GOING.. AND GOING.. AND GOING.........


lockerridge

wikiHow - The How-to Manual That You Can Edit

http://www.wikihow.com/Main-Page
I have just discovered this neat website! It is an online HOW TO dictionary that is written by people just like me and you.. matter of fact I have submitted a couple how to's myself on here.
Everything you can imagine is open to anyone who has an internet connection and can read. It gives great hands on type directions for most anything you would care to tackle.. from making Jello Shots ( a way to take a shot of booze without drinking it) to tearing your computer down and installing a new hard drive.. it is just fun surfing through and reading the articles people submit.. and if you find one that is incorrect in someway.. you may edit it and submit it for approval by the administrators of the site.. So far I have not found anything that needs any editing at all.. I consider it a great "find" for anyone who does a lot of searching for info on the net and gets frustrated by all the stuff you have to wade through to find what you need.

Yahoo! Babel Fish - Text Translation and Web Page Translation

http://babelfish.yahoo.com/translate_txt
This is a language translator for blocks of web page content. You can add up to 150 words at a time into the translator and then from a drop down menu under it you choose how you need to have it translated .. from what language to the desired one.
Easy to use.. and since you can add so much text at one time.. it is a lot faster than any other translator I have used.. I recommend it even if it is a yahoo product..

Colors

http://www.undunsome.com/colors.html
This is a great website that contains a color cube that you run your mouse over and the entire page changes to the color of the cube you are hovering over.. if you like the color click on the cube and it will place the hex number you need for web use into the small box under the big cube of little cubes.
It is sooo easy to use and I have not found a color yet that has not been recognized anywhere I have used it.

FormatFactory - Free software downloads and reviews - CNET Download.com

http://download.cnet.com/FormatFactory/3000-2194_4-10819418.html
FormatFactory 1.70 17.61MB

FormatFactory is a multifunctional media converter. Provides functions below: all to MP4/3GP/MPG/AVI/WMV/FLV/SWF; all to MP3//WMA/MMF/AMR/OGG/M4A/WAV; all to JPG/BMP/PNG/TIF/ICO; rip DVD to video file, Rip Music CD to audio file; MP4 files support; Pod/iPhone/PSP/BlackBerry format; Source files support RMVB. FormatFactory's features: support converting all popular video,audio,picture formats to others; repair damaged video and audio file; reducing Multimedia file size; support iphone, ipod multimedia file formats; picture converting supports Zoom, Rotate/Flip, tags; DVD Ripper; supports 35 languages.

Whether you're looking to change a video format to save space or because you lack a necessary codec, the freeware FormatFactory could be the last converter you'll need. It's not perfect, but it handles 12 types of video formats, six audio types, eight image formats, and DVD/ISO conversions with speed and accuracy.

The interface is simple and utilitarian, although spiked with format-icons and a big banner announcing the program's name for no reason other than to put lipstick on the pig. The left navigation holds collapsible links to the various formats you can convert to, based on type: video, audio, image, mobile device, and ROM device. Below the massive title banner, the central pane sports the aforementioned decorative icons until you start the conversion process.

Once you've selected your files, you can change the output quality to presets or custom settings. Hit Start on the Toolbar of the main window to begin the process, which is surprisingly fast for smaller video files. It does, however, eat up much of your processor while it's running the conversion. Because there are so many file formats out there and even more codecs, it's likely that FormatFactory will fail to convert at some point. Nevertheless, FormatFactory is a solid, free, catch-all converter, with excellent tools, like batch conversions.

MARCH 13, 2009 ANNOUNCING NEW ELITE FIGHTING UNIT .. QUICK END TO WAR..

MARCH 13, 2009
 ANNOUNCING
 NEW ELITE FIGHTING UNIT ..
QUICK END TO WAR..

     

(PSST.. THIS IS A JOKE)
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the.......

  United States
 Redneck Special Forces USRSF   The new troops whom hail from Southern States such as Tennessee, Arkansas, Louisiana, and Texas.....
 will be dropped off into Iraq and given only the following facts about the terrorists they will be seeking to stop :     1. The season opened today.           2. There is no limit.           3. They taste just like chicken.          4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, Jesus or their Momma.           5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.     The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by next Friday.    Applications are available at your local Wal-Mart sporting goods counter.





YYYYEEEEHHHAAAWWWW BABBBBY!!!  

lockerridge

MARCH 11, 2009 WAKE UP AND CHEER! LOCKIE HAS BROUGHT TO YOU..... "CAPTION IT!"

MARCH 11, 2009 WAKE UP AND CHEER! LOCKIE
 HAS BROUGHT TO YOU.... "CAPTION IT!"
      
THE
FIRST SUCCESSFUL
 WEEBLES INVITRO FERTILIZATION
PREGNANCY


YOUR TURN!
    lockerridge