MAY 11, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY THREE....HOMEWORK IN THE 21ST CENTURY ! ? !

MAY 11, 2009
 UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP CHALLENGE NUMBER
 ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY THREE....
HOMEWORK IN THE 21ST CENTURY








Lockerridge's Challenge Write an amusing story about a homework assignment that you had as an elementary or high school student .Just write as if you were in your kitchen, relating the story, over a cup of coffee with good friends.



The following story is a blog I posted on Yahoo 360 a couple of years ago.  I have edited it, in hopes of improving its entertainment value, by using a few of the skills I have learned from being a part of this group. It is based on a true story and is the whole story., nothing has been changed to protect anyone,  because none of us were innocent!


HOMEWORK IN THE
 TWENTY FIRST CENTURY
     I have had something come home to me recently,  that concerns the type of homework assignments that are given to the young adults about to graduate from High School.

My stepson, Jeff,  is a class member of that group of elite males and females, in the long fought for, class of seniors this year.
 He is also a member of a class with the impressive sounding name of Parenting for Responsible Young Adults.
Hummm..... I am yet to be impressed.
My reasoning in my lack of enthusiasm is this..  he is taking the class along with 17 other seniors who had to take the class so they could actually fill in their school day to get to the next class, which is truly a worthwhile and needed class.. of  keyboarding.  The placement of the class at this particular time of day, forces these students to take it or not round out their schedules.. so in essence it is a forced fluff class that the state has demanded that the schools offer and no one wants to take.

Although this is evident to most anyone who has the brains to notice a bumble bee when it flies up your nose,  the teacher of this class,  takes it seriously.
 Very seriously!
 She managed to talk the school board into buying three, not one, but three  teaching tools called,  "real babies". The price that was paid for these teaching tools, was three hundred dollars a piece!
 What ever happened to the smelly memo-graphed sheets we used to get?
 They cost what?
Half a cent each? humm......
These baby dolls come in a variety of skin colors, and of course, both sexes. Jeff got a girl baby with caucasian skin color. They are anatomically correct as well as have the ability to scream bloody murder, drink a bottle and need a diaper change.
They also will report if you handle them roughly, do not see to their immediate cry of distress, and they will go into the worst kind of hiccuping squall if they need to be burped.
 Yes, I said burped.
 They also make a cooing sound
( sounds like Marilyn Monroe and her speech to Mr. President)...
eeeeeeewwwww!

  Every sound this "real baby", made of plastic and computer chips makes, he is supposed to record in a little book that comes in the diaper bag, that holds diapers with magnetic type closures, two bottles, each carrying a computer chip which communicates with a chip inside the doll.

He has a plastic bracelet with a magnetic key attached to it,  that is permanently, attached to his wrist, for the duration of the three day homework assignment.
 It is the only way to quiet the "real baby" when it gets wound up, or so the little direction booklet tells you.
(HA!)
The real bonus in this homework assignment is that this lovely, dedicated, totally serious teacher is the one who programs the way the "real baby" is timed to do all this wondrous responsibility inducing "stuff".
( I am excited, how about ya'll?)
After I found out this Dedicated Teacher is 25, single, and not a kiddie in sight, I was seriously considering getting a motel room for the 3 days of his homework assignment but, I didn't.
 I have to report, with my entire face hanging out for you to judge, that at 3:30 in the morning, being awakened by a 17 year old male who is almost crying, and the thing from the Chuckie factory is in full wailing mode, is not a pleasant experience, like say helping with trigonometry or physics homework!

 A  phone call at that time in the morning to Ms. Dedicated teacher, did cross my mind!
 Bowing to Jeff's begging me, to just make the thing shut up, and not get him placed on the, "No Christmas Card list",  of his teacher, I promised I would not make that desirous phone call.
 What's a Mom going to do?

That phone call would probably have been the highlight of my entire year.. but I am a wuss.. and I just tried to help him shut up, "The Cyber Horror From Hell", we had in our midst.

Throughout this entire happening, Jeff's' father slept on, blissfully unaware of the chaos surrounding him.
  I have never, in my whole entire time of being a parent, had a child act like this thing did! The pitch of the crying jag it was on, never altered. It was just a constant, and never changing scream! Lord have mercy, I did everything I knew a real baby would respond to. A change, to a hiccuping kind of scream instead of this banshee from hell, kind of mind scrambling thing, we had going on,  would have me feel as though my efforts were successful in some small  way at least.
 I know I shouldn't have, but I got a screwdriver and took the plate off the battery holder and took the batteries out of the thing!

Well a Mom's gotta do what a Mom's gotta do, ya know!
Wonderful silence reigned once again in my home, except for snores from the resident head male anyway.
Jeff,  poor guy, was grateful, but also apprehensive about what his teacher would think, and what kind of grade he would get because of the interference of his parent with his responsibility homework.

 I told him if she gave him any static whatsoever,  to call me, and I would be glad to have a talk with her, and the principal, or the superintendent, and I am best friends with the president of the school board!
If you have power in these situations.. USE IT!
After about 15 minutes, we put the batteries back in cautiously, hoping for a change in mood . Its' eyes rolled wide open, and then the *************ing thing cooed at us!
 We wrote it in the notebook.
 We didn't do anything..... Honest Injun.
 At least that is our story and we are sticking to it.
He had to work the next day, so this brought about cheat number two.  He figured out how to take the magnet part off the bracelet so I could babysit.

 I put "The Resident Evil",  on the bed and went about doing the laundry folding.  It watched me from its spooky plastic eyes, that follow you wherever you go in the room.
 I left the room and located my screwdriver and shoved it in my back pocket, for emergencies and stuff.

 Just in case it did turn out to be the Chuckie Clone, as I suspected....you understand I am sure.
Jeff called to see how his baby was doing, since she had a bad night the night before.
 Maybe this homework assignment has some redeeming qualities, but they are few and far between!

I made it till just about an hour before Jeff. was to be home, and the thing wanted to get a bottle.  It makes these little," gunk, gunk" sounds, and then it coos every minute or so....... and you have to document what sound and the time it makes it, in the little notebook. The thing drank and cooed for 30 minutes....  and then it wanted to be burped.
 But it would not burp.
 I walked around for another 30 minutes bouncing it on my shoulder, patting gently on its back.  Every time I quit walking and patting, the massive earsplitting squall resumed.

 Now remember I had to also write all this down in the book.
It was time for some rescue aide from the grandfather of "The Thing From Cyber Hell"!  To my surprise.. he was willing to help me.

 He even named her Jeffrine!

 Even though he tried all his fatherly tricks, the thing still was not cooperating.
 I suddenly remembered I needed bread, or milk, or maybe mouse traps, olives, crackers...  from the store.
I was not completely cruel..  I left him my screwdriver.
Jeff finally made it home and took over.   At 2 a.m. I was still awake, listening to Jeff trying his best to do the assignment correctly, and failing miserably.  I finally got up and gave him the screwdriver. He accepted it with a slight nod of thanks, and I left quietly while he did what had to be done.

Sure wished I had promised not to call Miss Dedicated Teacher... but a promise is a promise..
I didn't promise anything about taking on the entire school system if he got a failing grade .. though.. did I?
All in all, he got a 92 on his homework, and the teacher had no inkling that the batteries had been removed.

 I really regret not getting a recording of the banshee scream. It might be the piece of evidence that some future parent needs to get out of an assault and battery charge pressed by The Dedicated Teacher.
 Hey, I am always there for a fellow tortured parent if needed, don't cha know!
As for Jeff and I..
. We did nothing at all that was not within the guidelines ...
 We were responsible and took care of the "real baby", in the best and most successful parenting way known to any human being, taking care of a microchip and plastic "Chuckie Clone".
That's our story and we are sticking to it... forever!


The End
Terri McCain/lockerridge

For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP


lockerridge  

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MAY 8, 2009... UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED FORTY TWO.. THE LYSOL BLUES

MAY 8, 2009... UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED FORTY TWO..   THE LYSOL BLUES






Caffeinatedjo's Challenge Imagine you are a country song. A very twangy, full of angst country song. Write the words and/or chorus to your song, including the line: "I found a moldy potato under my fridge." Please Note: Rhyming is optional.



 
THE LYSOL BLUES


Where have all my friends gone What can I do to bring them back Where oh where are my dog and cat I feel so lost and alone, I opened up the door And the neighbors ran from the smell Coming from the wind blown   Out from my home
chorus I been sprayin' and prayin' gallons of Lysol I have been buyin' losing this smell is so tryin' I got the lysol blues
Searchin' for the source Of this stench is taking a long course No one will help me I am so filled with remorse No one will come near me The smell has invaded  my clothes My hair, even my bath robe Why has this happened to me Momma oh Momma what can it be
chorus I been sprayin' and prayin' gallons of Lysol I have been buyin' losing this smell is so tryin' I got the lysol blues
I may have the answer If I do I will become a happy dancer I peered beneath my refrigerator today To give that hidden place a good spray I saw the problem way back in the dark   A moldy tater had chosen that place to park
chorus I been sprayin' and prayin' gallons of Lysol I have been buyin' losing this smell is so tryin' I got the lysol blues
I sprayed and I prayed I heaved and I shoved That fridge just won't budge! What can I do now Where will I turn To the internet is my last hope To rid myself of this moldy tater It is the only thing left to me Oh please bring me a train full of help I just can't cope!
chorus I been sprayin' and prayin' gallons of Lysol I have been buyin' losing this smell is so tryin' I got the lysol blues

I posted an ad in Craigs List
The one place I knew that they would get my jist
"Please come to the rescue!"
"I found a moldy potato under my fridge"
ohhhhhhh ....

I been sprayin'
and prayin'
gallons of lysol I been buyin'
losing this smell in so tryin'
I got the lysol blues
They came  and they dug out that moldy tater They heaved and shoved and ran the water hose I sprayed and I prayed I mopped and I sprayed Then I opened up the door
And my neighbors sniffed the air They came  to give me a hug But left until I sprayed the living room rug
Happiest of days are now mine Even my dog and my cat I did find
I had a smile on my face..
until..
I opened the bill from the cleaning crew Now I sing a new song about a different kind of blues
I got the bankruptcy court bluessssssssss!

AHHHHA....

Terri McCain/lockerridge


For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP


lockerridge

MAY 7, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED FORTY ONE... HENRIETTA HORTENSE HUGGINS

MAY 7, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE   NUMBER
ONE HUNDRED FORTY ONE...    HENRIETTA  HORTENSE  HUGGINS    


Tiger's Challenge  Write a story about a chamberpot, using the words:  - Teddybear  - 7 o'clock  - Locked door  - Surprise Henrietta Hortense Huggins stepped off the train station platform with a weary step, and was immediately assailed by the smell of the stockyards, located along side of the train station. If this was any indication of the type of town she was in, she was glad she had packed her chamber pot in her trunk. No middle of the night outhouse excursions for Henrietta, if she could help it! The smell from the stockyard was horrendous! Searching in her ladies reticule she retrieved her hankie, soaked in an extra heavy mixture of rose water. Even with the linen and lace hankie held over her small snub nose, her gag reflex asserted itself. Mortified at her unladylike actions, Henrietta ducked her head and walked swiftly toward the ticket masters office.,  to find a locked door.   Suddenly, her corset felt as though it had shrank 2 sizes, and she could not catch a breath at all.. Images started to grow a fuzzy outline around them, and she knew what was about to happen next, and it did.   Bam! Henrietta Hortense Huggins hit the dirty boards on the platform, in a dead faint. When she started to come around, someone was waving a small container of ammonia beneath her nose, the first thing she saw was a small child holding a stuffed animal. Which by the looks of it was supposed to be a bear. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs, and the little child said," Daddy I think the lady is awake now, Teddy said he thinks she might have a bump on her head, and you should kiss it and make it all better." Henrietta let out a small shriek and sat up too quickly, the room began to swim in waves once again, and then someone put the bottle of ammonia under her nose again, just as she took a deep breath. That did the trick alright, she fairly jumped up onto her feet and started to back up quickly as a tall man who looked to be in his early thirties brandished the ammonia bottle toward her again. She managed to croak," No! No! I am fine now, really I do not need more smelling salts administered to me!" The man smiled, and Henrietta noticed he had really perfect teeth, white and straight,  the perfect size for his face.  A very nice face now that she thought about it. " If your sure your not going to hit the floor again Miss, I will give this back to Mr. Miles over there." he said with that smile that was simply sparkling, as were his deep cobalt blue eyes.  A hint of laughter lurked in there also.   " Oh yes, I am quite sure sir... quite sure!" exclaimed Henrietta. She remembered her reason for the trip to the ticket masters office, before the regrettable occurrence, and enquired of the stranger, " I am to meet a Mr. McCoy here today,  he was to send someone to collect me, he has employed me to be his child's governess, do you know of the gentleman?" The child which had been hiding behind the man's leg all this time, stepped forward saying, " That is my last name, McCoy, This is my Daddy, Markus McCoy, and this is Teddy the Bear." " I just call him Teddy Bear for short." Markus McCoy, looked startled for a moment before he regained his composure and asked, " Your Miss Huggins?" Henrietta felt the surprise in his voice more than she heard it. Drawing herself up to her diminutive height of 5 ft. 1 inch, she replied, " Yes, I am Henrietta Huggins, and Mr. McCoy promised someone would meet me here at the train station at 7 o'clock, to transport me to his home.." Markus shook his head of brown overly long hair, thinking to himself, "I am the luckiest man alive, not only am I the richest man in the territory, I advertised for a governess for Billie Jean and the Good Lord sent me an angel straight from heaven!" "I wonder if she brought that chamber pot she inquired about in the letter asking what she would need to bring with her to be comfortable here in McCoyville?
THE END Terri McCain/lockerridge
For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP


lockerridge

MAY 4, 2009 IMAGES OF LIFE IN LOCKIE LAND TODAY

MAY 4, 2009  IMAGES OF LIFE IN LOCKIE LAND TODAY
I have been taking a few photos lately and have not shared any in a long time, so on a rainy Monday, when I should be doing other things .. I am playing on the computer! lol No one else does this I am sure!!!  The collage above is of my wigela bush in my backyard. It is so pretty this year! I have some iris this year.. but it is not a good year for them, the wind has been might rough on them. Lot of broken stalks, and just torn up flowers, from nothing more than wind.   But the wigela is  going strong and so I will share its beauty with you.. The butterflies are swarming it! All kinds... Painted Ladies, and Monarch, Butter Bits, Swallow Tails, and I even found a Lumina on it, one morning last week.. Those moths are so gorgeous! This comparison is of the same place on the creek, taken from the same spot. It has rained and rained until the creeks can't hold it all any longer, and the river has jumped its banks also. I couldn't even get down to the place the one photo was taken.. the water is all the way up to the entrance to the fishing hole! I found these yesterday on the side of the road by the creek. This is a wonderful wild flower that goes by the name of Solomons Seal. I have always loved these plants, have tried to transplant them many times.. but it just is not to be.. they pick their home and won't be moved! Now we get to the inside of the house. Here is the newest member of my household. Good ole "Jackson the Parrot Dog"!
He loves to crawl up on Gary's arm and go to sleep.. snoring sleep .. deep puppy sleep!I have never seen a dog do this kind of thing before, ever.. the top picture is more in keeping with what dogs will usually do when they sleep. Jackson has not sprouted any tail feathers yet so we are hoping it is just a passing phase.
 If it isn't, well Gary needs to start lifting weights.. because this little guy is growing by leaps and bounds, and pretty soon, he is going to be quite a chunk of weight to let sleep on his shoulder.
He wants to sleep in the bed, so I let him. I wake up in the mornings and he is up on the top of my pillow with his head laid on the top of mine.. go figure! I will finish up with a little video that will show you that my suspicion that Jackson has ADD is well founded.. lol.. hope you enjoyed the tour of the things in Lockie Land in May 2009.
 I enjoyed presenting them to you!
lockerridge

MAY 4, 2009 THIS IS JUST PRETTY DARN COOL!

MAY 4, 2009 THIS IS
JUST PRETTY
DARN COOL! My Auntie J. sent an email to me with this link to look into.. so I did..
 I liked what I saw for sure!
It beats the heck out of the news sites, and their continuous doom to America via the world ..
 be it terrorism or pig snotty nose killer viruses..
 it is always a real uplifting thing to do..
yes sir ..
the news is really just GREAT all the time huh?.
NOT!
So when this showed up on the screen, I was pleasantly surprised!
This group of people are moving along pretty quickly with over 6 million hits to this website when I was there early yesterday morning.
 This is the video and the song they sing..
 I placed the url to the site at the bottom..
I signed my name to their petition

 I also sent this url to my congressman,
 in his weekly wipe up email from me..
.lol..

 He always writes back,
Not a form letter either!
Either I have a really great representative..
Or he picked me to write to,
 because I am on his ass constantly!

Since the fiasco our country has fallen into
due the actions of those we trusted..
We are advised to
 make them be accountable
 for all actions they take
So I figured I ought to try it out.

 I am making the most of the
opportunity to learn a new skill,

Babysitting a government full of spoiled rotten brats
is kind of fun, if you go about it, with the right attitude.
After all.. they asked for it.. didn't they?
 
I love the smell of harassment in the mornings!





BORN AGAIN IN AMERICA


lockerridge

APRIL 30, 2009 THIS IS MY OPINION... WHAT IS YOURS?

APRIL 30, 2009 THIS IS MY OPINION... WHAT IS YOURS?

In 2006 there were a lot of rumors flying all over the news and internet emailing routes finding its way into in boxes and living rooms all over the world. The focus of the rumor was the song "In God We Trust" performed by the country music group Diamond Rio.  Those rumors were nothing more than that.. inflammatory rumors. They told of radio stations not playing the song due to its content, saying the lyrics were politically incorrect and therefore in violation of the constitutional freedoms laid down in Article 1 of the Bill of Rights.  That was so false! The reason for the song not getting any airtime was, Diamond Rio only released the song in their greatest hits album and never in a single. This is the normal  vehicle needed to be played on the radio stations and climb in the ratings or not. The group decided that the best way to make this song  lasting and meaningful, to their fans, was to only perform it at concerts. When it was being performed by the group, there were many other patriotic songs also on the airwaves, such as Toby Keith's, The Red White and Blue. Diamond Rio made the decision to keep it special by only performing at their concerts.    But recently it has been actually banned by a judge, from being used in an elementary school program. Two students parents were the reason it was brought before a judge in the first place. These two students parents, four people, managed to bring the government into something religious in nature.
  ( A federal judge Wednesday ordered a St. Johns County elementary school to not have students rehearse a religious-themed song once scheduled for a year-end assembly.

     The preliminary injunction against rehearsing country group Diamond Rio’s “In God We Still Trust” says the lyrics “take aim at one [of] our nation’s fundamental principles: the separation of church and state.”

   U.S. District Judge Harvey Schlesinger concluded that “the public interest is well served in preventing the coercion of third-grade students to participate in a state sponsored performance that endorses such an opinion.”

 The Diamond Rio song, the judge wrote, is "a patently religious and proselyting piece" that crosses a line by advocating a specific religious view.

 The ruling referenced parts of the song's lyrics that say: "There's no separation. ... We're one nation under Him ... Now there are those among us who want to push Him out and erase His name from everything this country is all about ... Now it's time for all believers to make our voices heard.")

  http://www.jacksonville.com/news/metro/2009-04-16/story/judge_bans_in_god_we_still_trust_from_st_johns_schools_assembly

 http://www.news4jax.com/news/19201202/detail.html#-

 Why were they able to do this?
 When have the feelings of a few become the normal way of things being decided for the majority?
 We live in a democracy in the United States of America. Democracy does not mean that we all get what we want all the time! Democracy means the majority .. not the minority .. of the people!  The image at the top of this blog are the words written so long ago by the ones who helped found the nation,which has become great in the eyes of the world.
If you read it, and don't try to put anything other than what it says in reality, it says the government has no place at any time involving itself in our religious beliefs. It does not make a difference in any kind of belief. It just says .. it will not happen. Yet those four people were allowed to drag it into the court for a ruling on a religious basis.  Things like this that are happening all over this country are what is causing the breakdown of our country on a basic building block destruction.  If those parents did not appreciate or agree with the song being included in the program at school, then they should have taken their children out of the program.
 If only four of them took exception.. it would seem to me that the MAJORITY of the others did not.. am I correct in this assumption folks?
 The freedom to pull their children from the program, if it offended them, is freedom enough it would seem to me. The kids were not being MADE to be a part of it. They had the freedom of choice well served in that alone. But they chose to get the court involved and put a restriction on everyone elses' freedom of choice, by the judge being made to make a ruling on the complaint.  That judge was looking to make a name for himself in the newspapers if you ask me.
That case should have been thrown in the trash when the judge first looked at, and those stupid lawyers who brought it to him, told to stop wasting the courts time with frivolous suits or risk having themselves brought up on charges!  That would have served the constitution better than what he did.  Is it a wonder that the nation is in dire straits for new teachers? I know if I was college bound in this day, I would think hard about going for a teaching certificate! The states regard the school systems as something less than needing attention and funding, and they provide no protection for the teachers who are harassed, maligned, and literally paid a bit more than minimum wages.  It is time to rethink and regroup folks.

I am a Christian, make no mistake in whom and what I believe in. I worship God the Father, I am soul saved by Jesus Christ, and I am led and taught by The Holy Spirit.    But I am of the opinion that if we do not do something soon about this government entering into our children's lives, through the schools, soon we will lose our children to the government through those same schools.    Think about this..
School nurses are prevented from giving our kids an aspirin if they have a headache, but they are free to hand out condoms.
Teachers are required to teach, that same sex marriage is just another life style, and perfectly okay.    This is an opinion of myself.. and I would very much like to know what you all think along these lines also.  I am troubled deep down about all this.
 In my state I see children being commanded to undergo the fat pinch test. If the nurse is able to pinch more than inch of body fat on a child.. those children are then required to go into a physical exercise class, this is a separate class from PE..  The school sends check lists to parents to tell them if their child is overweight and how to feed their kids. If the kid comes in okay in the body fat requirements.. then they send out check lists on how to maintain that weight in their kids.. and they actually .. now this just made me want to hit someone.. they actually COMMEND.. and pat on the back in those check lists!  All I know is this.. my grandchildren should not have to worry about that kind of stuff at school, school is to teach them the tools their brains need to make their way in life, not what they should weigh and then force them into a program which is not Physical Education at all..
 it is Nazi Fat Concentration Camp!
With a agenda of making everyone the same, placing their reasoning for doing so on "It is for our own good"...  Which when you think about it, is the exact opposite of what the court is doing with upholding the individual rights in religious suits brought before them.

If they would stop putting up all the findings of the studies being done on everything from the effect of whiskey on tsetse flies to ignoring the damage being done to the environment by the space shuttle and launching of satellites  into outer space, as what is best for me... and leave us alone about the BEST way to live .. we just might not have so many people on anti depressants, suffering from ulcers, and in need of national health insurance.

I am sending an email to my representative and including a link to this blog.. so bring on the comments my friends.. maybe they will get read by someone who has a dab of power over the way things are handled in our country.
   Which way is it going to be, is it going to be a government by the people and for the people, or it is going to be a government for the individual and by the individual?          You place your hand on His Bible, when you swear to tell the Truth      His name is on our greatest Monuments, and all our money too,      And when we Pledge allegiance, there’s no doubt where we stand,      There is no separation, we’re one Nation under Him.      Chorus:      In God We Still Trust      Here in America      He’s the one we turn to every time      The going’ gets rough      He is the source of all our Strength      The One who watches over us      Here in America      In God We Still Trust      Now there are those among us, who want to push Him out,      And erase His name from everything, this country’s all about,      From the Schoolhouse to the Courthouse, they’re Silencing His Word,      Now it’s time for all Believers, to make our Voices heard.     chorus      Here in America      Here in America      Here in America,      In God We Still Trust      Here in America,      In God We Still Trust      Here in America   lockerridge

APRIL 29, 2009 A LOCKIE WEDNESDAY FUNNY FIND

APRIL 29, 2009 A
  LOCKIE WEDNESDAY FUNNY FIND

THE BLACK PANTIES

   Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
 Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties, he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"
She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
  The following night was the same.
 She stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit.
 Except, now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"
 He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences".







lockerridge

APRIL 22, 2009 HAPPY EARTH DAY EARTHLINGS!

APRIL 22, 2009 HAPPY EARTH DAY EARTHLINGS!   




HAPPY   EARTH DAY EARTHLINGS!







THAT STUFF IN THAT JUG...
   IS MIGHTY POTENT!
MUST BE SOME KIND OF
"CREATE A CRITTER"
 SPRING TONIC!
   WHOA!

 YYYEEEEHHHAAAWWW

BABBBBYYYY!

lockerridge

APRIL 21, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED AND THRITY SEVEN... WHOA! I AM DEFINTELY NOT IN ARKANSAS ANYMORE!

APRIL 21, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE   NUMBER ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN... WHOA!   I AM DEFINITELY
NOT IN ARKANSAS ANYMORE!
 

Skyerider's Challenge This is an exercise in first person POV (point of view). Write the story completely through the character's eyes. You MAY NOT jump to anyone else's point of view. Here's the scenario and the first paragraph to get you started... You wake up in a strange room. In your story have your main character discover WHERE he/she is, WHY he/she's there, and HOW he/she got there. If you write a time travel story or an alternate dimension story, also have him/her discover WHEN he/she is. Remember, it's all written from his/her point of view. "I woke up to the smell of frying bacon. My first realization of the day was that I was starving! Groaning, I rolled over without opening my eyes and felt for my watch on my nightstand to see what time it was. Except there was no nightstand! I sat up quickly. This wasn't my room! What was going on? Where was I?"

This post is the property of Vinnie Parker.. .. . given as gift by Terri McCain
All rights therefore belong to Vinnie Parker.
Vinnie and Flask are copyrighted trademark symbols
and are the sole property of Vinnie Parker.


"I woke up to the smell of frying bacon. My first realization of the day was that I was starving! Groaning, I rolled over without opening my eyes and felt for my watch on my nightstand to see what time it was. Except there was no nightstand! I sat up quickly. This wasn't my room! What was going on?
 Where was I?" "Okay Terri, don't lose what little sanity you have left here." I thought, with only one jump in blood pressure and blurring of vision. My thought pattern cleared somewhat and I decided to shut my eyes again and think of nothing .. nothing at all and then open them up slowly this time. Okay, this is good.. things are not weird now.. they are just black.. wait what are those stripes of flashing light I see..   OMG!
  ITS ALIENS ..
I HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!
 OMG! OMG!...

 O..M... G... !!!!!! Woman get a big hold on yourself now!  Okay, just relax your eyeballs a bit... whew!..  I got to remember, for future reference.  "Do not scrunch up your eyes really tight.. you see bars of flashing light when you do that." "Okay... take it slow now.. crack one eye open just a bit... now the other... now both of them really fast!" My thoughts on my surroundings got a bit more stable when I realized I was lying on a rather large air mattress with a clean sheet on it, and the bacon smell was just lovely! The connection between bacon and maybe gravy, even a biscuit maybe occurred to me.
This place might not be so bad, but it was not where I should be at all. "Let me see.. what was the last thing I remember?"
humm...
Then I heard a sound, sort of like something being dragged along a cement sidewalk... it was getting closer whatever it was! "OMG! OMG! OMG! ..."

Then all got quiet... except the room got rather warm, rather quickly... I opened one eye a slit..
and......
"OMG!  OMG!  OMG!
 ITS A SNAKE.!
 IT IS A FREAKING SNAKE.!
WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE A SNAKE.!
 I HATE SNAKES! " Then this really amused voice, which sounded like a young man said, " Terri, you can open your eyes, I am in not in any kind of mood to roast, toast, or BBQ right now... Vinnie almost has breakfast ready. Are you hungry?"
I opened my eyes and what the heck?
I recognized the being sticking its snout around the door sill ...
 "Flask?" A puff of smoke blew smoke rings from his nose and he chuckled, " One and the same, long time no see friend!" The smoke rings grew larger as he chuckled and I thought for a minute that I was surely just on another one of those flash backs they talk about if you mix cold medicines. .. but I wasn't sick..
Was I? I tried to smile a confident smile at the very large lizard who was probably the reason the surgeon general put those warnings on cigarette packages.. and said,
" Sure I am always hungry, I will be right out!"

I attempted to actually say all that without stuttering, and it worked apparently, because he puffed a couple more smoke rings at me and started to back up.  His head was the only thing, small enough to get into the doorway. I sat up straight in the bed and realized, somehow, someway, for some as of yet unknown reason, I had been placed into one of Vinnie's books.
 So in keeping with the fact that Vinnie is my friend, and I had been the one to give her the dragon egg that turned into Flask.. maybe she would not let him eat me instead of the bacon. So my confidence bolstered a bit, I managed to get out of bed and then I realized, I had on my nightgown. Boy, Vinnie you got some explaining to do woman..
 cause this just ain't right now!
 I stopped on that thought for a second,

 " What if she had no idea how I  had gotten here?"

 " What if I have to stay here?"

" I still have so much work to do on the remodeling of the house, the garden needs hoed out, and Homer will starve to death if I am not there to cook for him!"

I took another couple of minutes to let that kind of soak in to my consciousness.. and then I grinned...
"Maybe I could squeeze in a couple weeks vacation here on Shree or Lanka, or where ever this particular episode was located."
I stopped and thought on that one more than a couple seconds and decided..

 Maybe .. I wouldn't even ask!

With a skip to my step. I traveled down the hall. following my nose to the bacon.
And there was my buddy Vinnie,
just taking those biscuits out of the oven..
 umm umm ummm..
 I think I like being lost in space!
Over eating a fantastic breakfast Vinnie gave me the downlow or the lowdown, depending on which dictionary you favor, on what had happened.
Apparently, Vinnie and Flask had been listening to me over the almost four years now.. saying I was going to get busy on the house and move in to it... and being the intelligent woman and reptile duo, they decided to give me a little break before they took me back to the world of...

YUCK!

 reality....

They contacted Homer, and he knew that I would not get out of my computer chair long enough to actually go visit a friend, so they hatched the plot to whisk me away in the night.
This being possible without me being wiser for it..
.Because 
 Homer had doctored my Coca Cola
 with  Nyquil...
This would have to be discussed at length once I arrived home.. but for the next two weeks, I have my very own hot tub maker at my service and the company of one
of the finest friends I have ever had.

I think I like being a story book character...

The food is simply wonderful!

 Flask can BBQ like nobody else in the world!

The End

 Terri McCain/lockerridge
for
Vinnie Parker
visit Vinnie and Flask online
and look through some of their adventures
at the link below
vinnie and flask
For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP




lockerridge

APRIL 20, 2009 SUPER JACKSON VS THE EVIL LIVING IN HIS HOUSE

APRIL 20, 2009 SUPER JACKSON
VS
THE EVIL LIVING IN HIS HOUSE

For those who did not see the new addition to my household blog.. I have a new puppy who is almost 8 weeks old.

I named him Jackson, do not ask me why, it is just what he preferred.... Homer does not care for it, but if it is his name, what am I supposed to do about that? I have three videos to share.. He has decided that there is an evil toe monster whom lives on the couch, it growls at him, so he must attack it with his little needle like teeth. The toe monster has gotten pretty good at dodging the wrath of Jackson, but every once in a while he scores a hit! The second video is Jackson's private war with one of my old tennis shoes.
He was given a choice of the right or the left foot.
 He chose the left as the most evil and needed conquering first!
 I have a method to this madness.
 If I give him a shoe to kill, it is a good bet he will prefer it to my new tennis shoes.. at least that is the long range plan! The third is Jackson declaring war on the yellow duckie bathroom rug out of my bedroom bath.
 Apparently I had no idea just how evil those duckies are.. but old Jackson has them on the run! I hope you enjoy my puppy as much as I am..
he is the best doggie in the world!
(tip about the videos.. just go ahead and click them all on
and let them download before you try to watch them.. for some reason divshare has been slow as molasses these days!)
THE EVIL TOE MONSTER THE EVIL TENNIS SHOE THE EVIL DUCKIE BATHROOM RUG

lockerridge

APRIL 18, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED THIRTY SIX ... BROTHERS AND SISTERS... ARE THEY KEEPERS

APRIL 18, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED THIRTY SIX BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE THEY KEEPERS   Sumax's Challenge Are you your brother's keeper?  If so, why?  If not, why not? Write a short story or essay on responsibility and any boundaries pertaining thereto .I use the term "brother" in the loosest possible context .Within the parameters, go where the Muse takes you - It's entirely up to you.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS...
 ARE THEY KEEPERS
Sissy sat at the curb waiting for her brother to pick her up from her after school tutoring in math class. It was bad enough that she was having so much trouble with algebra, when her best friend Rachel was top of the class. Rachel had tried to help, really tried to help her, explaining it several times.. sigh.. I am just hopeless, thought Sissy. And where is Trey? Good grief he was 30 minutes late picking her up and she had so much homework to do, plus it was her night to do the supper dishes. Brothers are so selfish she thought.. so stinking selfish.. only thinking of themselves all the time! He is probably over at Brads shooting hoops and flirting with Brads sister.. yuck! Like anyone would think he was cool enough to go out with. Tapping her foot on the pavement she didn't notice the van that had passed her a couple times until it stopped right in front of her. There was a man in it and he used the electric window switch to roll down the window on the passenger side of the van. He looked about her Dads age and he smiled a really nice smile.  He said. " Have you seen a little puppy running around out here any where?" Sissy smiled back and said." No I have been here a while and I have not seen any dogs at all." The man said, " I have lost my little puppy, he is black with a white spot on his head, if you see him would you please give me a call?" Sissy said,"Sure!" The man reached in the glove compartment and pulled out a pad and pencil and wrote something down on the pad. He said, " Here is my number if you see him I sure would appreciate the call if you can." Sissy stood up and went to the window of the van.. reaching her hand inside for the piece of paper he had written on. In one quick motion the man grabbed her wrist in a vice like hold and Sissy yelled." Hey! Your hurting me! LET GO OF ME!!" She started to struggle and pulled as hard as she could against the hold on her wrist. The man by this time had opened the passenger side door and was reaching around and grabbed her by the hair and let go of her wrist and clapped it over her mouth. About that time Trey came speeding around the corner to pick her up, He had been over at Brads shooting hoops and things had gotten really interesting with his sister for once, and he was still daydreaming of things that might happen there when he saw the guy holding Sissy by the hair and trying to shove her in the van. He floored the accelerator and broad sided the van on the drivers side.. the man let go of Sissy and started to run down the street. Trey, jumped out of the car and ran around to the side of the van where Sissy lay on the ground crying and bleeding from scraped knees that she had gotten when the man shoved her down getting away.  Trey reached down and picked her up like he had done when she was a little baby and ran for the house next to the school yard. He kicked on the door frantically and finally an elderly lady opened the door. He said, "May I use you phone please, my sister was almost abducted by a man driving that van over there."  The elderly ladies eyes widened and she said, " You just stay right there on the porch boy, I will call the police, but you just stay right there!" Trey said, "Thank you, may I have a glass of water and a wet wash cloth also please?"The woman smiled and said, " Yes you may, but you still stay right there, I will get them for you after I call the police." By this time some people who had heard the noise when he ran into the van were coming out of their houses, curious as to what was going on. Trey quickly explained what he saw and two of the men took off running in the direction the man had ran to. By the time the police had arrived .. they had caught the man and had him in the wrecked van with a couple of tire irons as deterrents, to any thoughts he had to get away. Trey and Sissy's parents were called and Sissy was taken to the hospital to get checked over to make sure she was okay.Trey sat in the waiting room of the ER and stared at the floor. He paced back and forth, not saying a word. When Sissy and his mother came into the waiting room, and he saw Sissy with bandaged knees and swollen eyes from hysteria and crying, he just could not handle it any longer.  He ran to her and fell to his knees, crying in a most awful heart wrenching way. He cried out to Sissy in an anguished voice, " Please forgive me. Please, I don't deserve it, but Sissy please forgive me! I should have been on time, If only I had been on time to pick you up none of this would have happened!" Sissy reached out her hand and placed it on Treys tousled head, and said, " Trey, will you please get up off your knees, you making an idiot out of yourself. Of course I forgive you, but you won't be late any more will you, or you will call tell me what is going on next time won't you?"  Trey stood on wobbly legs and just numbly nodded his head. Then he reached both arms out and Sissy took him into hers and hugged him fiercely. Trey vowed that never again would he blow off something as important as keeping his sister safe from the world which is mean and evil. She would always be the first priority on his list of things that were more important to him than anything else in the world . Trey and Sissy learned what it means to have a brother or a sister that they could count on if they needed them. Even when pride stood in the way of asking for help... the other always watched and knew when they were needed to push a little bit, to give the help that was needed. The End Terri/Lockerridge For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP



lockerridge

APRIL 17, 2009 DOES YOUR CAMPGROUND HAVE A BC?

 APRIL 17, 2009

DOES YOUR CAMPGROUND HAVE A BC?

 The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.



She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again and rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC.
"Does the campground have it's own BC?"





 Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.




After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about he local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam:

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous. Even the normal delivery sounds can be heard. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats. I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather. If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember, this is a friendly community.

Sincerely, Campground Owner








lockerridge

APRIL 15, 2009 WHATS WHITE... AND FUZZY.. HAS SHARP TEETH... AND LIVES WITH ME?

APRIL 15, 2009 WHATS WHITE... AND FUZZY..  HAS SHARP TEETH... AND LIVES WITH ME? OKAY..   VERY FUNNY!   WHAT  HAS  HAPPENED
TO  MY  FRIEND,
WITH  THE  SHORT,
FEELS  REALLY  SOFT
FUZZY  HAIR?          WELL IT IS WHITE,   AND IT LOOKS TO BE A BIT FUZZY..   LOUSY PHOTOGRAPHY   LOCKIE MY DEAR..   SIGH... WELL HE WON'T BE STILL!!! HEY LADY..   I HAVE BEEN COOPED UP
 WITH A BUNCH OF   YAPPING AND SNAPPING   LOUD MOUTH, WHITE FUZZY THINGS,
 FOR 7 WEEKS... YOUR GONA HAVE TO RUN TO KEEP UP WITH ME! WOW!    LOOK AT THAT THING...   I AM GONA GO AND SMELL OF IT    AND THEN......    I AM GOING TO BITE IT.... AFTER THAT... I JUST MAY TAKE A NAP ON IT!!!!        OH YEAH!! THIS JUST USED TO BE HER FAVORITE BLANKET!   IT EVEN SMELLS GREAT..   ODE' DE' LIVING ROOM RUG'!...  Hello friends, meet the newest member of the lockie and Homer household. I picked him up yesterday afternoon, and I have laughed and played more in the last 4 hours than I have since my fuzzy buddy of 14 years relationship passed on 2 years ago on January 14th of this year. He hasn't told us what his name is yet.. he just smiles and chases me using those 3 inch long legs,  on a slippery kitchen floor.. he doesn't get anywhere very fast.. but he is hell bent for leather the entire trip! lol..   I was looking in the classified ads, trying to find someone, who was selling feeder calves, and instead,  there was this ad for Westies  (West Highland Terrier)  and the price was the same price I paid for Mike.. a long time ago!   I called, I drove and drove, and got lost, several times... But in the end result of all those hours of  total awkward ignorance of that part of my state,  I have a new room mate.
 Homer better tow the line.. cause he is cuter! I say that now, but in about 2 months, his teeth are going to make me think of this critter below me!!! I wonder what will be destroyed? We all know that it is just some kind of sheer puppy bliss to destroy things!   The more expensive or hard to replace the item is,  or the wider you can strow the mess.. the better it is! lol Look for more fun with.. umm.. whats his name in the future of this blog space..
I love them fuzzy puppies!

              lockerridge

APRIL, 9, 2009 FANCAST.. I GOT THIS FROM MY FRIEND STEVE AND I AM IMPRESSED!

APRIL, 9, 2009  FANCAST..   I GOT THIS FROM MY FRIEND STEVE   AND   I AM IMPRESSED! My friend ... Steve. ...   posted this fantastic site that you can watch movies and television for absolutely no money what so ever! HULU  is a dribble dabble kind of deal in comparison to this site! I have been hooked up in the old series Airwolf and the new episodes of NCIS all night!!! You may not see me much for a while.. cause after I get done with Airwolf.. I am going into the movie archives and see what is available there.
 I am impressed folks..
TO GIVE A LOOKSEE ..
CLICK THE LINK UP BELOW

FANCAST
THANK YOU STEVE...
 ALIAS BEATLE BOY ...
 ALIAS ... STEVE IN A BOX...
 YOUR THE BEST!      lockerridge