SEPTEMBER 5, 2008 WAX.. IT ISN'T JUST FOR BIRTHDAY CANDLES AND HONEY BEES ANYMORE!

WAX IS NOT JUST FOR HONEY BEES AND BIRTHDAY CANDLES ANYMORE!

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless hair removal even in those most hidden of places a lady never speaks of..

There was the double edged mans razor in the beginning... then the The Epilady electric pull them out by the roots razors.... scissors made a huge comeback !

Then memories faded and they came out with Lady Shick Razors, and then the miracle of Nair the liquid hair dissolver that worked for a whole year they said at first.. then women began to suspect they had been had when the hair grew back twice as fast and thicker than ever....

NOW FOR ALL OF YOU WOMEN OUT THERE WHO SAY, BODY HAIR IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED ENTRANCE OUT OF THEIR SKIN ...
TECHNOLOGY HAS PRODUCED FROM ITS LABORATORIES THE " COLD WAX KIT"!!!!

For do it your self at home Wax Removal just like the big salons ... at a fraction of the cost!

BELOW IS THE EXPERIENCE OF ONE SUCH WOMAN WHO WAS COMPLETELY ENTHRALLED WITH NEW PRODUCTS THAT CAME ON THE MARKET AND BOUGHT A KIT AND TOOK IT HOME.. BUT PUT IT IN THE MEDICINE CABINET FOR THE TIME BEING ... UNTIL SHE COULD REALLY RELAX AND DO IT RIGHT!

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, eat dinner, and play
with the dog.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind or the next few hours:

"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet, and give it a go?"

It was one of thosecold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips
together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press
them to your leg (or wherever else you have unwanted hair) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

(NOTE TO SELF.. STOP FIGURING.. YOU ARE NOT EQUIPPED FOR SUCH HEAVY DUTY THOUGHT!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other .. stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in........ ( I am so lame)

I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("well it said cold wax, but it said to warm it up with my hands.. this is more better .. right?) I lay the strip across my thigh. Held the skin around it ......... tight and ......... pulled..... Success... It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling I have ever felt .. but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, Wonder Woman, and Xena all rolled into one mean, lean... fighter of all wayward
body
hair! I am the queen of this new wax stuff.. I can make money selling how to phamplets at the walmarts all over the world.. I will be a celebrity! And then.....

With my next wax strip I moved north.
for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

I boldly
drop
my undies and place one foot on the toilet lid.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
my
bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to
the inside of my ha-hoo cheek ( it was a long strip, okay... sheesh!)

The moment of truth is here.. I am goddess of babies butt smooth skin .. so I inhale deeply... brace myself ....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!! WHAT HAVE I DONE?? I COULD NOT HELP THE SCREAM WHICH ESCAPED MY THROAT, WITH A HOWL A BLOOD HOUND, WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIS FOOD BOWL FOR!

I'm Blind!!! Blinded
from the endless sharp pain!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF WOMAN.. THINK! WHAT WOULD SHE-RA DO IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS? HA! SHE-RA IS PROBABLY 10 YEARS OLD AND NEVER SEEN A BLACK ARMPIT HAIR!

Vision returns slowly.... to my absolute chagrin, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP!......... BE QUIET.. I COULD HAVE TYPED THE REAL WORDS I SAID !

BE BRAVE LITTLE GRASSHOPPER..

So I heaved another deep breath and......
RIPP! !!!!!!!!!!!

Everything is spinning and spotted. Look at the pretty birdies.. I think I might have had a near death experience.... What would She-ra do.... Too hell with She - ra.. She-ra is a wuss.. compared to my courage and brave hair removing battles...

After a while .. when my eyes had lost that burning sensation of needing to sneeze and my ears were not keeping a steady disco beat...

I wanted to see my trophy .... The wax covered strip, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

I wanted to revel in the
glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip... Hey now this just can't be right... There's
no
hair on it!

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down,...foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair, kind of stretched looking but still attached..

MY HEAD IS BEGINNING TO FEEL SLIGHTLY FEVERISH.. AND I AM THINKING OF VIOLENT WAYS TO MAKE FALSE ADVERTISERS OF SUCH INSTRUMENTS OF TORTURE, SEEM SO INNOCENT AND EASY.. PAY FOR THEIR LYING CONNIVING GREEDY NASTY BLACK SOULS!

I touch.

OMG! I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING DOWN THERE!

Then I heave a sign of relief when I realize I am touching wax, and sadly.. my hair is still attached to my body.. I think...

so I make BIG MISTAKE NO. 2...

I decided I needed to get the hand mirror and stand over it and see exactly what I was dealing with here.. could I actually do this myself or did I need to dial 911.... GOD PLEASE NOT 911!

Then I make the next BIG MISTAKE NO. 3

...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet lid....

I put my foot on to the floor.....

SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEALED SHUT! I HAVE SEALED MY HA-HOO SHUT! IT IS SEALED SHUT! HELP ME SHE-RA!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself "OMG! What did I eat for dinner? OH PLEASE!... I simply can't deal with an

"urge to eliminate" right now!

Even She - ra caught some slack every once in a while.. don't think about it .. or it will happen..

slow deep breaths and since I have sealed my doom trying to get to the hand mirror.. I snatched it up, placed it on the floor stepped over it , and did the most stupid thing I have ever done in my entire life..

BIG MISTAKE NO. 5

I opened my eyes and looked.. ..................................... After the howling hysterics quit and I was just sobbing continuosly in a sound, akin to the chugging of the coffee maker when it ends its pumping cycle.. I think I even heard a harsh hissing at one point.... ..........

I began to think semi rationally for a second or two..

She-ra.. you need to leave now.. you have not been very helpful and if I have to look at your sickening hairless perfection any more.. I might commit cartoon erasure and what would He-Man do with the kids..

What can I do to melt the wax?

MAJOR MISTAKE NO. 4

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand
into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax
should
melt and I can gently wipe it off!!! I AM BRILLIANT!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment After several minutes of a fight with my brain telling my butt to sit down... ( it is smarter than my brain) my brain wins and ..... I sit ..... down....

Then I realize what has happened by my sitting still.....

I begin to laugh a little shrilly, nothing in this world can compare to having your hoo and ha glued shut......

except having them glued shut to the bottom of your bathtub...

WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD THINK "COLD" WAX CAN'T BE MELTED BY HEAT?

ALL IT DOES IS MAKE IT REALLY, REALLY , REALLY STICKY! LIKE GLUE!... ARGH!!

SHE-RA WOULD HAVE KNOWN ... WOULDN'T SHE?........ I THINK I AM REALLY BEGINNING TO HATE SHE-RA.... SMART ALEC SUPER WOMAN!

The was had gotten really sticky and glued my hoo and ha regions to the tub... with a cement like permanence.
.................. more racking sobs are heard ...... they must have been coming from me... who knew by this point.. I was no longer on this planet..

I had drifted into my happy place deep in my brain.. with snow cones and lovely cool razor blades.. and that wonderful lady shaving gel.. that fights razor rash.... AH HEAVEN!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few monthS ago
to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret
of how to get me undone.

It's a very good conversation starter - when I had finished the how and the why of it all.. .... .... I caught my breath and said ,"So, my hoo and my ha are both glued together to the bottom of the tub!" " Any wonderfully brillant ideas as to how I might end this horror movie and put it all in the past?''

There is a pause..........

In a somewhat strangled sounding voice she gives me the bad news.. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal, but, she is a true friend and she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hoo and ha, here?"

The she just can't hold it back any longer and her laughter rings so loud in my ear I almost throw the phone in the toliet..

Her only advice was to look on the side of the box, and call the help number on it.... which took all of 5 minutes to get out fully because she was almost crying with laughter...

I informed her that it would be another hot day with my butt stuck to a tub before I became headline news that phone call would have gotten me.. as well as there would be no 911 call for the same reason....... unless.. well I wasn't even going to allow myself to think about that... She-ra wouldn't think about it......

So we kept brainstorming........ through various and sundry solutions..... she even begged to come over and help...... and bring her video camera..... for lawsuit purposes she said...

all the while I am trying to scrape the wax off with a
razor .

By this time I am really getting worried that I can't feel anything from the hoo part of my anataomy..

and the ha part is getting kind of raw feeling from all the water and twisting and turning I am doing trying to free up my water works... and other vital things...

By now my brain is not working.......... dignity has taken a major hike...... and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to have to be hospitalized to have my hoo's and ha's remodeled...

and a major rework on my cognitive thought processes..

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

My friend suggests that at this point I should actually read the entire directions on the little pamplet they have included in the kit.... well no one ever reads those things.. they look at the pictures... She - ra probably looks at the pictures and doesn't read the pamplet.. and she is a super type woman person... who am I to think I can do it better?

I rub some on.................

OH MYGOD!!!!!!!

If the scream didn't wake up the neighbors, and they called in 911..... I might just get out of this with only my friend knowing what I had gotten myself into... and if she says anything I will just say she is a big fat fibber.... this could still have a happy ending...

CAUSE IT WAS WORKING!!! IMAGINE THAT .... SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY WORKED CAME FROM THAT BOX WITH THE PICTURE DIRECTIONS THAT ONLY A CHILD COULD UNDERSTAND!
It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend, who has the hiccups now, from laughing and then the major screaming in her ear... and she hangs
up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
despair...

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I stand there looking at myself in the mirror above the sink.. ... I hardly recognize the woman standing there.. .... no longer carefree from lifes woes....

Then I think ...... whould She-ra let this defeat her mission to be hairfree.... NO!......... She-ra would kick some hair butt!!!

So I opened the cabinet ... got my Bic Lady Shaver and the can of ladies gel shaving cream for that soft smooth and rash free skin .......

and since I was numb in the hoo and ha region.... ... and knew that it was probably not going to be that way for about a week... I shaved and shaved and shaved... I stopped at my eyebrows.... didn't want to seem like I had an episode of insanity or anything... sigh...

Hummm ....all in all, the evening was a success. I had finished what I had started.... no 911 calls to be rescued...... no permanent scaring.. ( I don't think) and I was not bleeding from any where I could see... yep! I'm feeling pretty good about things... She - ra would have been proud!

I think next week I am going to try that new GO PLATNUM BLONDE AT HOME KIT...... I am smart enough to read those pictures...... probably......

heheheheheehehee! don't cha just love it ... thanks KC.. I added to a little bit and took away a little bit.. to make it my own ...... thanks for letting me steal it from you..

lockerridge

SEPTEMBER 2, 2008 LOCKERRIDGE DISASTERPIECE THEATRE...PRESENTS.... DO IT YOURSELF REDNECK DEERSTAND

SEPTEMBER 2, 2008

LOCKERRIDGE DISASTERPIECE THEATRE

PRESENTS

 DO IT YOURSELF

REDNECK DEERSTAND

 

No video? Get the DivX Web Player for Windows or Mac

lockerridge

AUGUST 26, 2008 CCP THEME FOR THE WEEK .... BABY PICTURES

 

AUGUST 26, 2008 

 CCP THEME FOR THE WEEK

 BABY PICTURES

 

 

 

 I didn't have one of myself as a baby or one of me at even 3 years of age.. and since Mom is no longer home at her house .. it is kind of hard to go and dig through the pictures without her there to tell me the story that goes with them.

But this one was already in my computer and I am not 3 .. but I am only 5 years old.. so I hope it counts.

We are at a really beautiful place called Blue Mountain, having our Easter egg hunt. The puppie's name was Babet.. hehehe.. she was French!

Isn't my mother beautiful.. and she was on the inside also. Sure miss her all the time.

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lockerridge

AUGUST 25, 2008 CLICK, CROP, AND POST PHOTO GALLERY GROUP... THIS ONE BELONGS TO OUR OWN STILLY BEE!

 

AUGUST 25, 2008 

 CLICK,, CROP, AND POST PHOTO GALLERY GROUP...

http://clickcropandpost.multiply.com/

THIS ONE BELONGS TO OUR OWN STILLY BEE AND STOSTONED.. AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SOME FUN WITHOUT THE AGGRAVATION THAT COMES SOMETIMES, WITH THESE KINDS OF THINGS..

I AM CONFIDENT THAT THESE TWO, WILL MAKE THIS CONTINUE TO BE MORE AND MORE FUN AS TIME GOES BY.

THE WEEK OF

 AUGUST AUGUST 25, 2008

THEME FOR CLICK, CROP, AND POST  IS

"WHAT DO I LIKE TO DO FOR FUN

BESIDES PHOTOGRAPHY?"

THIS WAS HARD FOR ME TO PICK ONE.. 

 SO I HAVE ENDED UP WITH TWO .......

I LOVE TO GO TO THE CREEK WITH JAMIE, MY SON AND HIS DOG ABBY.. WE FISH AND I ROCK HUNT WITH AN ALMOST OBSESSION LIKE CONCENTRATION.

I HAVE  MANY FANTASTIC FOSSILS AND QUARTZ.., BUT MOSTLY JUST ROCKS WITH MAJOR PERSONALITIES.

  WHEN I MOVED A FEW YEARS BACK.. IT TOOK A PICKUP BED  AND  A TRAILER FULL, TO GET MY PIECES OF HARD DIRT SAFE WITH ME AT MY MOMS PLACE..

SHE WAS THRILLED OF COURSE!!!

 

SEE THOSE THINGS INSIDE THIS ROCK.. THEY ARE LIKE CORKSCREWS, AND THOSE ROUND THINGS ARE LIKE A WHEEL WITH SPLINES IN IT.. DON'T HAVE THE FOGGIEST NOTION WHAT THEY ARE.. BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT.. THIS IS ONE WAY COOL ROCK FOLKS!

http://clickcropandpost.multiply.com/

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lockerridge

 

AUGUST 22, 2008 HUMM... NOW I AM WORRIED..

AUGUST 22, 2008 

  HUMM...

NOW I AM WORRIED..

Hiddy Ho Good Neighbors and Friends!

I have an update for those of you who might be interested in the rat, cat, dogs, overachiever cop, cannon blasting that has been a large part of my life lately.

I am slightly worried these days.. I don't know exactly what has taken place.. I put out the "death for rats with just one bite" poison the day after I wrote the last entry and as of yesterday.. this is the spooky part.. I have not seen or heard from rat.... or cat.. humm..

They have both disappeared!  This is a true mystery involving their arrival as well as their departure... I just don't know what the deal was .. and probably never will .. but I have never heard of a rat who had his own cat before! The good news is they are both ..

GONE!

 YEEEHAAWWW BABY!  

As for Mr. Cannon Blaster neigbor, I have come up with a solution to the problem I believe and something to keep the over active imaginative cop neighbor on someone elses case instead of mine!

There are no watermelons left on that guys patch that are any good at all.. there is nothing left to harvest .. but the cannon is still blasting every hour on the hour.. so I am going to go and ask Mr. Policeman of the Year to ask him to turn the thing off!

What do you think of that solution folks? I myself am hoping it is a stroke of lockerridge genius, finally shining through the fog.. but it could backfire I suppose.. but then again.. I don't think I can stand much more of waking up thinking someone has shot the rat who has chewed the hole in the wall of lockies house much longer...

The horse has been shining on the neighbors a bit .. hehehe.. I love it! She will stand over at the fence and call her and call her.. and Artie just flips her tail at her! hahahahaha! 

yeah it is still funny!

I mean I just don't understand people much anymore.. they don't even ask if they are welcome at your house or they act like my animals are community property or something!

I come from the country.. in the country you never take such liberties with other peoples things! I suppose this is the reason there are no hunting and no trespassing signs up all over the place anymore. When I was growing up, I was taught the best way to be a good neighbor is respect the neighbors things and his intelligence.

I am surrounded by people who have moved to the country trying to get away from the attitudes and evilness of the big cities .. they are looking for good quiet schools for their kids.. they are looking for a place to get some crime free rest. But they have no idea how to gain that kind of thing! I just can't handle the lack of respect they show for me and my things much longer.. and the new police force that is in effect for the smallest town in the world.. mine.. is unreal.. this town maybe has 1500 people all told.. and most of them are retired people who have lived here all their lives. The town has .. count them now... 15 churches.. yeppers... 15... but the town council has deemed it necessary for them to hire and outfit.. 5 cops! 3 full time and 2 part time.. each one has their own police car!!!

The last crime was probably commited two years ago and it was probably somebody stealing someones newpaper out of their yard.

I also have finally figured out how to manage to get Homer to actually finish a job he starts.. I just don't finish it for him! I am so embarrassed to know that I have not figured this out until age 50... maybe I should think a lot more on this subject .. it seems to get results.. he put the wall back together that he tore apart anyway.. so it managed to get results this time.

My son came up this week.. and infomed me that next spring he is moving to Cleveland Ohio... OMG!

If it isn't one thing it is 15 and I believe it is time to reup my script for valium.. I feel a lockie meltdown coming on!

lol..

love to everyone from lockie

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lockerridge

AUGUST 17, 2008 THE BLESSINGS JUST KEEP POURING IN.. PART II OF THE SAGA

 

AUGUST 17, 2008 

  THE BLESSINGS JUST KEEP  POURING IN..

 PART II OF THE SAGA

 

Hello friends.. well the blessings continue to pour into my life.. literally! If you are reading this and have not read the previous blog.. then it won't make much sense to you.. so you might want to go read it first! lol...

It has been an eventful week for lockie here at Lockie Land. It has been raining again (big surprise there) off and on all week. I am really doing my part to save myself from skin cancer this summer.. it has rained so much, all of us here in Arkansas look like it is January in skin color. If you aren't careful when out in public all that white skin glare can make a person go blind! 

I have several phone jacks in my house and each of them was placed there by none other than Me. Yes , some call me Sheila Vila.. Bob's little sister... hehehe..

I have one in the living room that has my answering machine and the dish network plugged into it.  I have two in the bedroom.. one for my modem and the other for the phone in there.

There is one in Jeff's room, which he never uses, but could come in handy if the dish network connection in the living room goes on the blink, of course he has his  own TV hookup in there. (no wonder he is ninteen years old and hasn't even thought of moving out yet!)

I hadn't really noticed that I wasn't getting any phone calls, until I kept getting this message thrown up on the TV screen, that if I didn't have my descrambler hooked up continuously to a phone line there would be a monthly charge added to my bill.. humm.. I wonder...

I picked up the phone and turned it on, and the static was so bad it about busted my ear drum.. well.. sigh.. the phone line has become corrupted!

Now remember I have in residence with me.. a rat which brought his own cat with him, and two dogs, one horse, and a boyfriend whom I rather fix stuff myself,  than tell him it is broken. The man is just a piddler now.. takes him two days to change a light bulb!

It is raining.. it is muddy and I really could care less about the phone working.. but.. it is broken.. can't stand that .. so out I go with my little box of tools and my flashlight. Aha! one of my splices looks a little scraggly, so therein must lie my problem! I am fortunate so far that no canine or feline has noticed my exit from the house.. but it looks as though I am going to have to go and get some more stuff and well .. they spotted me.. CRAP!

Have you ever tried to work with a cat rubbing itself around your legs and if you reach for something on the ground .. it has to look to? Or have you ever tried to work on something with a cat doing this and two dogs sitting so close you can smell their breath, that want to kill the cat at any possible moment? Well lucky, me got first hand experience with this, and never let anyone tell you that all of life experiences will benefit you in the future! Because, they are full of it! 

The splice was wet and the ants had attacked it. Why? I dunno.. but if it was ever going to happen to someone, it would be me of course lol

 I decided to run a new line, and went to get the stuff to fix it ,and Jeff had apparently found all my little shrinky tubes that I use to cover up electrical splices with ..  so this meant.. there were NONE left... CRAP!

To the hardware store I go, get my Shrinky tubes and by the time I get back, the cat has been chased by the dogs and they have torn up what I had already done so it was to be redone. Also retaining my audience in the same places as before.

All is well though, it is working now.. but the memory will linger forever!

That was in the early part of the week.. on Friday.. I went back to the feedstore and purchased two rat traps, and two more types of rat death in a box. Have you ever tried to set one of those rat traps?  You would have to be The Hulk to pull that thing back and get it to stay without snapping off two fingers in the process.. so forget those things!

I went out to get my containers from my ripped places in the black stuff and the insulation already, when I pulled them out,  they were empty.. but his little rat heart was still beating.. and rat teeth still gnawing, and my temper started to escalate a little bit. I filled them up again and put them in place hoping for a quick death to the little demon rodent!

Homer woke me up on Saturday morning saying.. I turned off the water.. don't know where it is but I can hear water spraying in the bathroom.. sigh

 The rat from down under has done the unthinkable.. besides not die from all the poison I have pumped into him that is. He chewed a hole in one of my water pipes going into my shower stall!  I mean this is some kind of Ninja rat from hell! The water pipes are what is known as Schedule 40 pipes.. this means they are extremely thick and it takes a hack saw to cut the stuff to work with it.

 OMG!  Probably all that poison is some kind of plot by aliens or the government to grow radioactive mutant killer rats!!

 I am kidding people.. lol...

 sheesh.. lighten up! 

Soooo.. Homer gets under the trailer and cuts a large rectangle out of the black stuff covering the insulation and then cuts the insulation. It is my job to keep herd on the critters and turn on the water when he says to.

 I turned on the water, so he can see where it is spraying from, which nets me a drowned boyfriend who crawls out of there and says.. "It ain't under the floor.. it is in the wall." 

 This sucks pig puddle water that is green!

So as I sit here typing this out.. I have an entire wall of sheetrock leaning up against the bedroom wall, with a fan blowing on it to dry it out.. and the wall where the gnawed up pipe has been fixed has a fan blowing on it. The holes in the floor where the pipes come through have been stuffed with SOS soap pads, and then a piece of peel and stick tile cut to fit, to keep the demon rat from entrance into the house without my knowledge, and a boyfriend asleep on the couch.

 Want to take bets on who will end up putting the walls back together?

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 lockerridge

AUGUST 11, 2008 I AM SOOO BLESSED... SIGH..

AUGUST 11, 2008

To all intents and purposes most of the time my life is pretty relaxed and simple.. but then I get to thinking about all the stuff that happens around here... and maybe I am just used to things being pretty unnormal if you will pardon the bad use of the English language..

Take for instance this summer of 2008. It has rained so much I actually had mildew forming on top of the fungus which formed everywhere I did not hit with bleach on a daily basis.. the weather has been cool for the most part which is a blessing I suppose.. until it goes from 85 degrees and flood stage to 105 degrees and it was a steambath.. the grass the leaves and most importantly me.. sort of turned crispy red and brown over night. Then the bugs started hatching in record numbers.. mosquito's.. sure.. houseflies.. okay.. but my gosh at the fleas and ticks.. my poor dogs.. sigh.. flea collars, dog dip, flea spray, the expensive stuff you get at the vet that does not work, and just plain old sitting and picking the things off them with tweezers is taking up a lot of time and budget ..

 Herbie .. if he sees one of us coming out of the door just falls down and rolls over and lays there.. lol.. he really, really hates being tick picked, ya know!

ah.. but that is just the beginning..

Homers horse.. Artie.. or as she is affectionately known to us by Homer as "psycho bitch horse from hell".. decides she wants to become the neighbors horse. The neighbors are all up for this idea until she actually gets over the fence and eats neighbor ladies flowers and poops on the fancy lawn furniture! hehehe.. Homer told 'em don't feed her all the time and braid her mane and call her up to show all your friends.. then maybe she won't do that any more .. but don't get mad at me because she did it .. city folk move to the country and get real confused as to just what is their fault and what is yours..  ya know! hehehe.. I kind of thought it was" just deserves" but then again maybe I shouldn't be that way.. ..

hehehe..

 yeah it was funny!

The man who owns the property across the road from me decides to plow up the 5 acres that the house is not sitting on ( it is vacant) and plant watermelons.. sigh.. he plowed and plowed and plowed and plowed and plowed .. sigh.. and plowed some more.. everyday for at at least two weeks .. all day long.. I couldn't even hear the television over the guys tractor.. and he is a slow plower with the use of a lot of power .. I suppose he thinks it will do a better job if he has the thing in the low side of the gear box running about 2000 rpms plowing this dirt... wommmm wommm wommm belch wommm wommm .. screeeech ( hit a rock) woooommm woooommm belch.. sigh..

Well this ended and I thought I was doing okay for a while.. .. then.. about a month ago.. I was sitting at the keyboard and booooom! Sounds like a shotgun being shot in my front yard! BOOOM BOOOM BOOM!

EEEK!

I went to the window and peeked out the blinds.. Nothing.. humm.. booom Boomm Booom !

Now wait a dad gum minute!

Okay.. the deer were getting into the melon patch so he buys one of those cannon things that uses butane to boom out and you can put them on a timer to chase the deer away..

Which does not work. The deer hear it, and they look up and do the deer thing.. smell the air.. then go back to destroying the melons.. but he just can't see it being the case, so he sets this thing to go off every thirty minutes.. this of course incites Herbie to do his bark at the shadows of anything that moves..

This causes me to go to Walmart and spend 40 dollars on a no bark collar.. which I have to say is the best product I have ever bought.. I brought it home.. and layed it on the counter and the dog has not had a nightime barking fest since then.. never even put it on him.. tell me they are not mind readers  I will tell you .. HAH!...

This fella who has caused all this for me, does not live here.. he just drives the people who live here nuts.. sigh.. but he is older and I am a wuss when it comes to old folks cause I am almost one myself.. so I let it slide..

But you would think the County cop who moved in across from him a little way from me would say something.. no all this idiot can do is call the fire dept. when Homer is out burning the fence rows with gasoline in the rain .. he ran out of gas in the sprayer and just for about 5 minutes left the flame which when he quit spraying it with the gas just smoked.. and this dumb ass cop calls the fire dept to come and put out the grass fire in his neighborhood..

 OMG!! Homer was fit to be tied...

 I again..

Thought it was funny..

All the neighbors were out at the road trying to see what was on fire.. and the guy in the fire truck pulled up in my yard and hehehe... just shook his head .. started to leave and the cop made him spray water on it anyway.. even though it was raining!!!

City folks sure get confused don't they.. when they move to the country.. lol.. They do if they think a wildfire is gona break out in a thunderstorm anyway!

I know a lot of my internet friends are city dwellers and I am not lumping all of you guys into this arena... but .. boy howdy..  boy howdy is all I can say..

Then it is time for the walnuts to start getting big enough for my neighbor, Leon the squirrel and his family, to gather at my house once again.. so add to the boom of the canon.. the banging of the walnuts onto the roof of the mobile home again.. so it goes kind of like this .. boom... bang bang bang boom... boom.. bang bang boom bang .. and then I hear the scurry of little feet and Herbie and Prissy sees Leon and OMG! The barking and howling and the scurring and the booming and well you get the picture huh?

Think this all...

Oh ye of little knowledge...

I have a new visitor.. well let me make that two new visitors.. One night as I lay sleeping soundly.. (yeah right) I am awakened by the sound of something gnawing on my airconditoner vent by my bed. I elbowed Homer and made him listen.. I have been blessed by a rat moving into the underneath of my mobile home..

 sigh.. I didn't even get freaked out..

 

Why bother ya know..

So back to the store I go.. I get this stuff called Blue Death.. Yeah Buddy! Got skulls and crossbones and threats of cancer in California all over the package.. this ought to do the ratdude in for sure.. so I put it into several containers.. rip holes in the black stuff that covers the insulation and insert said death of blue type into the rat home headquarters..

 Well.. we wait.. nightfall comes..

 No sound of gnawing or running on top of the vent ductwork.. humm.. Blue Death is doing its job.. until.. (you knew that was coming didn't you) about a week later..

 GNAW GNAW GNAW!

and then

 BANG.. TWANG.. POW.. ZIP AND ALL THAT OTHER BATMAN LANGUAGE..

NOT ONLY DO I HAVE A RAT.. HE BROUGHT HIS CAT WITH HIM!

This sounds like a good thing huh? Not when you have dogs who hate cats.. and cats who only chase rats and never catch them because the damn dogs won't leave the cat alone! So the cat ends up on top of the house .. running around.. and the dogs do the entire orbit of the trailer at least twelve times.. By the thirteenth time around the house Homer or I one is outside screaming at anything that is feline or canine or rodent, to get the hell out of our air space! This only happens at two or three a.m..   and not on a regular schedule so I could be prepared for it.. sigh.. sigh... sigh..

So yeah that is my uneventful normal type life .. on a daily basis..

hehehehee.. Pray for me!

 

 

lockerridge