Entry for October 31, 2006

 

lockerridge

OCT.28,2006 THE WEEK THE BOSS WENT ON VACATION

  In case I haven't told you guys what Homer does for a living, he is a heavy machine operator ( you know the ones, The Big Tonka Toys)  for a company that builds everything from Arbys to laying water lines for the water company. He operates the stuff that has tires and tracks taller than he is! And if I say so myself, the dude is really good at it. He has been with this same company now for a long time and has worked his way up in the ranks. He is now the guy his boss tells everyone to ask how to do stuff while he goes fishing. Homer is just good natured enough to take on the responsiblity without screaming for a raise. Or is that just not paying too close attention, instead of good natured? Humm have to look that up in the webster. hehe

No, he is just a good guy. Lets people take advantage of him sometimes,  but he is still my Homey and I would not trade him for lets say, a dollar and a quarter, by any means. Now, if you offered me Keith Urban, it would be no contest, but I hear Keith is out of the running, sigh! love that guys music and ooooeeeee he is pretty too! ( sorry, got this thing about Keith Urban, could you tell? hehe) But this story is about the week his boss went on vacation and left Homer in charge of the crew, with a major pad to be made in the middle of the,( I compare it to the Amazon) woods. Homer and he took 4 wheelers the day before he left, and drove all over the site, with instructions given, and written down. It was a really nice warm sunshiny day, not a cloud in sight.

The minute his boss left, it got dark and it started to rain, 3 inches by morning. Homer cheerfully got up and took off in the service truck to ground zero. No one had told them that when it rained the middle of the place swamped out. Held water like the Hoover Dam! He had a pond with trees growing out of it, and a time table of 5 days to complete said job, or penalties began. umhum! What to do, what to do? He tried to call his boss, cell phone was out of service. He tried to call the people who were hiring the job done. No one was in the office. So what did Homer do? He called me.  

Not because I am a whiz at working with the big Tonka Toys like he is, but because he needed to tell somebody, and in doing so maybe work out the solution by telling it. Get it! I am his therapist. He drives me crazy doing this kind of thing, cause of course you know I can come up with a solution, even though I am dumb as a box of rocks about the subject. All women are this way, we never get to spit it out though, and that is why the insurance rates are so high, we go to the doctor a lot for valium. The wonder drug invented for married women with husbands named Homer, children with dedicated teachers, children who love to blow up things, and small white dogs who think they are godzilla. It is the truth, look it up in wikipedia, it is there. I wouldn't lie to you guys, nope not me! heheheehee

Any way after he jabbered at me for a while, I broke in and said, "Do you have the entire crew standing around doing nothing, except looking at you kind of crosseyed?" He replied, " Why do you ask?"

heheheehee You know and I know they were all standing around looking crosseyed, but he would never admit it. I didn't say anything except, "Hey, why couldn't ya'll push down the trees on the outside of the swamp? It should be easy to do with the ground so swampy." I thought it brilliant, Homer thought he might give it a try, I should have let the answering machine pick up  and take his call instead of answering in the first place.

 ( see photo above, this is not an actual photo of the dozer, this is a backhoe that I found somewhere to give you an idea of the glop they were working in) It were a disaster people, pure and simple disaster. He got out there on the big bulldozer, and started pushing down trees, it was going well, so he yelled at the other dozer driver to hop to it. He did, he was not as good as Homer, and though Homer told him where to not go, he went anyway. Sunk up to the cab of the dozer. Homer cussed. Homer cried. Homer was upset! He called me again, after he sent the rest of the crew to get the big track hoe to pull him out. It was going to take his dozer plus the track hoe to get him out of the swamp from hell. He didn't say much of anything, except your idea was not a very workable plan, honey. Make me a nice lunch will ya, and I am coming home to eat it. By the way could you please lay out some clean clothes for me and maybe run a tub of water. I might be a little muddy. ( OMG!)

Sometimes I feel like those women in the Tide commercials, who have the kids who deliberately run through the mud puddles, leak ice cream down their fronts, and have dogs who just love the kids so much they knock them down and muddy them all over while the kids laugh hysterically. If I let Homers clothes dry out good, I could stand them into the corner and they would not fall down! Looks like a scarecrow, with a horsebitten hat for a head! hehe This was just such a day.

 I fixed a decent lunch, and he came roaring into the driveway, with the fenders of the truck invisible, behind the red clay all over the sides of the truck. I hid my eyes. I peeked at Homer. Should have just gone, and stayed the day gopher hunting or something. You could not tell he was a made of flesh man. He looked like something out of the movie " The Black Lagoon". To make this shorter. If I had put him into a kiln, he could have been used as a fountain statue! A red clay fountain statue.

He stopped at the back door and asked about the tub of water. I said, "After we take the hose to you okay?"  He went for it ! Well, after the morning he had, I suppose the water hose wash down was not all that bad of a thing. hehehe. Poor baby!

They had managed to pull the dozer out, but the fellow driving it had not shut it off immediately upon sinking. This is a bad thing people. Water and diesel engines do not mix. let alone water, and mud, and diesel engines. He said, "I sent everyone home, I am doing nothing else until I get a hold of my boss, and if he does not like it, well I guess, you will have to go get a job when I get fired."   But, But, But, but, umm, well, okay. sigh

Boss man called Homer that night ,and after the story was told, his boss laughed. Yeah, he laughed. The man knows how it goes, you know. He had left him in charge, he had given him instruction, timetable, and then turned off his phone. He called the people who had hired them and explained about the Hoover Dam swamp thing that was happpening, and got them an extension. I didn't ask him about the dozer, and it being kind of gunked up on the inside as well as the outside, I think I will just let that one lay where it got dropped! 

um hummm, I hummmed as I used 3 bottles of Spray and Wash, and washed his clothes 5 times, washing the washer out inbetween washings.sigh! It is just another day of life, if your  partner operates The Big Tonka Toys.

hehehehehe

lockerridge

 

 

 

 

Entry for October 26, 2006 THE FARMER GOES TO THE MOVIES

 

The Farmer

AN OLD FARMER WALKED UP TO THE MOVIE THEATRE

TICKET   COUNTER AND ASKED TO BUY A TICKET.



THE  TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR 

SHOULDER?"



THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET  ROOSTER CHUCK.

WHEREVER I GO,  CHUCK GOES."



"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE  TICKET AGENT. "WE CAN'T 

ALLOW ANIMALS IN  THE THEATER."



THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND  THE CORNER AND STUFFED 

THE BIRD DOWN HIS OVERALLS. HE RE-TURNED TO  THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A

TICKET AND  ENTERED  THE THEATER.



HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD  WIDOWS NAMED  MILDRED 

AND MARGE.  THE MOVIE STARTED AND  THE ROOSTER  BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD

FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY, SO  CHUCKY COULD STICK  HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH

THE  MOVIE.



"MARGE," WHISPERED  MILDRED.



"WHAT?" SAID  MARGE.



"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A  PER VERT."



"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED  MARGE.



"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS  "you know"  OUT," 

WHISPERED MILDRED.



"WELL, DON'T WORRY  ABOUT IT,"SAID MARGE.  "HELL,

AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM  ALL"



"I THOUGHT SO TOO," SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS  ONE'S 

EATIN' MY POPCORN!"

 

I love it!

lockerridge

OCT.27,2006 GOING FISHING WITH HOMER

The above photo is not really exactly like going fishing with Homer. He has the theory of needing at least 3 lines in the water simulataneously thing going, but the fish is quite a bit bigger than what he usually catches. But to hear him tell it, this is a baby perch in comparison to his usual take home from the local pond.

We go fishing a lot. I mean a lot. I like it, I am not crazy about eating the things, but man do I love the excitment of the catch. I have always gone fishing, from the time I could hold a pole in my hands, my Mom and Dad took me. I am not squimish about putting worms on my hook, or liver, or cheetos, or what ever is getting bites. I am patient, I can sit and be quiet for an hour if I have a fish playing with my bait. The big fish play with your bait for a long time. That is the reason they are big ole fish. Most people will give it up after 5 minutes or so, not locke, I can out wait 'em. That is the secret you know of catching big fish. But Homer does not believe me. He thinks you need at least 3 poles, and that many different types of bait. One pole has a bobber on the line. One pole has a bell on it. And the other one he puts into the fork of a limb he cuts and sticks in the ground. This is fine as long as he will stay with it, but you see his attention span is about as long as my eyelashes, and he invariably spends most of his time retreiving his lures, which are on the 4th pole, that he is using to troll for bass. hehe

You noticed I said retrieving lures didn't you, not taking fish from a hook, that he has caught with the lures. He has every lure on the Walmart shelf. A fun vacation for him to go to the Bass Pro Shop in Missouri. He has a credit card just to buy lures with. I am not looking forward to the days when we are having to fish to eat, because of the bankruptcy proceedings, that will come from his lure buying obsessions. It was okay for a while, we worked at Pradco for a couple of years. I guess you want to know what Pradco is don't you?  It is a lure making plant in Arkansas. We made Rebel, Heddon, Smithwicke, Wigglos etc. until the plant was bought by a conglomerate and they closed all our little plants, and moved to Mexico. ( never buy anything from Pradco, they are evil.) He was in the packout dept., and his fingers got a little sticky some days.( remember the gopher obsession, and don't judge him to harshly, he probably needs medication!!)

Back to the fishing story, I am the one who is sitting in a chair which has a pole holder on one of the arms, a cup holder in the other, and umbrella over it, the sunblock attached to the chairleg, and my sweater over the back of the chair. My cigarette case is velcroed to the chair seat, it has my fishing license in it. My tackle box( yes I have my own with a lock on it) is under the chair and my bait and various other necessities, (uky rag to wipe my hands on) are within  reach. I have no watch, don't need it, I am not taking medicine, I am fishing.

Homer on the other hand never has a seat, he is always moving, and yelling at me,"Am I gettin a bite?" I always tell him yes, just to see him lose his grip. It is great, he starts reeling like crazy, yelling, "Grab my pole, I'll be there in a minute!"  You know I just sit there. He gets all foul at the mouth, and then he snags his lure on something. He is so riled up he has to break the line. He races over to the poles, grabbing first one, and then the other, and jerking with all his might, sending the bait and hook out of the water and into his face! I just smile and sit there, " must have got off huh?" I am evil, you don't have to tell me. He always falls for it, kind of like Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football.

Then fishing for the day is over as he tries to get the lures back he lost. He has done every thing from scuba diving to making bridges with whatever is handy, tree limbs, rocks, tires, tool boxes, he knows better than to try and get my chair, I bite.

And what is the greatest is when he is wadding  fishing. I would give a million bucks, if I had it , to have a cam corder that would not be ruined, if I dropped it in the water from laughing. He gets out there in his hip high rubber wadding boots, with his fishing hat on, you know the kind, it has at least 15 lures hooked to it, and casts into weeds and fallen trees, and of course gets hung up. Then instead of wadding over to the object he is hung up on he pulls it, thinking it will come loose. He never learns, it always breaks, and he is out there when the line comes back to him at warp 16 and wraps around him like a coccoon. Then he is just stuck. I don't know how many pocket knives have been lost due to dropping them in the water. We are yet to find one of the lost ones, the answer to this of course is, fish steal them. It just makes sense to me, how else do they get a way so much of the time. They have one of Homers knives and cut the line!  You know I had to make it his fault some how, didn't you? hehe

I usually out fish him, but never skunk him. He always manages to catch something if it is only a cold. I have seen him try to pass off one of the minnows we had for bait as a catch! Competetive sucker isn't he? hehe I caught a 6 lb. catfish the last time we went, Homer took it off the hook for me, and held onto the camera and tried his best to take a picture. It was midnight. I asked him when he started taking photos for the blind, he told me to shutup and get in the truck. We always throw the fish back we catch and he said he didn't want to see me cry when he turned Waldo back into the pond. Waldo is caught at least once a summer, and this is my summer!

I will back out of this blog with a saying that was on a license plate I got my Dad one year for Fathers Day.

                                 FISHERMANS   CODE

                          Early to bed and early to rise!

                                 Fish like hell!

                           And make up big lies!

                               heheheeeee!

lockerridge

 

 

Entry for October 25, 2006 A HALLOWEEN GIFT FOR MY FRIENDS

http://minibytes.mondominishows.com/poo/affiliates/play.asp?Affil=iwon&W

 

click the above link and play the bag of poo game!

turn on your sound, it is a must! when you click your mouse it will make the foot stomp! as fast as you want it too! heheheheehee

you guys are going to love this one!

lockerridge

OCT.23,2006 HOMEWORK IN THE 21ST CENTURY ! ? ! ?......

Hello everyone, I have had something come home to me recently from Homer Jr. He is a classmember of the group of elite males and females, in the long fought for class of seniors this year. He is also a member of a class with the impressive sounding name of Parenting for Responsible Young Adults. Hummm..... I am yet to be impressed, cause he is taking the class along with 17 other seniors who had to take the class so they could actually fill in their school day to get to the next class, of keyboarding. Yeah, a fluff class. But the teacher takes this very seriously. Very seriously! To the point of talking the school board into buying 3, not 1, but 3 of these 300 dollar "real babies". What ever happened to the smelly memographed sheets we used to get? They cost what? half a cent each? humm......

Any how, these baby dolls come in a variety of skin colors, and of course, both sexes. Homer Jr. got a girl baby with caucasian skin color. They are anatomaically correct as well as have the ability to scream bloody murder, drink a bottle and need a diaper change. They also will report if you handle them roughly, do not see to their immediate cry of distress, and they will go into the worst kind of hiccuping squall if they need to be burped. Yes, I said burped. They also make a cooing sound( sounds like Marilyn Monroe and her speech to Mr. President) and he has to record all of this in a little notebook. Every sound this kid of plastic and computer chips makes, he is supposed to record in this little book. He has a plastic bracelet with a magnetic key on it that is permanently, for 3 days, anyway, attached to his wrist. It is the only way to shut the thing up when it gets wound up, or so the little direction booklet tells you. And this lovely, dedicated, totally serious teacher is the one who programs the way the "real baby" is timed to do all this wonderous responsiblity inducing " stuff". ( I am excited, how about ya'll?)

After I found out this Dedicated Teacher is 25, single, and not a kiddie in sight, I was seriously considering moving in with the gophers for 3 days! I didn't, but oh my, at 3:30 in the morning being awakened by a 17 year old male who is almost crying, and the thing from the Chuckie factory is in full wailing mode, a nicely placed phone call at that time in the morning to Ms. Dedicated teacher, did cross my mind, but Homer Jr. begged me to just make the thing shut up, and not get himself on the, no Christmas Card list, of his teacher. What are you going to do? Yeah, you guys know I didn't do it, but man oh man would it have felt so wonderful! sigh, I am a wuss.

I got to tell you, I never in my whole entire time of being a parent, had a child act like this thing did! I mean it would not even change pitch of the crying jag it was on. It was just a constant, and never changing scream! Lord have mercy, I did everything I knew a real baby would respond to, even if it was a hiccuping kind of scream instead of this banshee from hell, kind of mind scrambling thing, we had going on. I know I should not have done it, but I got a screwdriver and took the plate off the battery holder and took the batteries out of the thing! Well a Mom's gotta do what a Mom's gotta do, ya know!

HomerJr., poor guy, was grateful, but also apprehensive about what his teacher would think, and what kind of grade he would get because of the interference of his parent on his responsibility homework. I told him if she gave him any crap to call me, and I would be glad to have a talk with her, and the principal, or the superintendant, and I am best friends with the president of the school board! Why not, go for the big guns, ya know?

We put the batteries back in cautiously, hoping for a change in mood after about 15 minutes. And the *************ing thing cooed at us! We wrote it in the notebook. We didn't do anything, honest. At least that is our story and we are sticking to it.

He had to work the next day, and he figured out how to take the magnet part off the bracelet and so, yeah you guessed it, I had to babysit. OMG! I put it on the bed and went about doing the laundry folding, while it watched me from its little never shutting eyes, that follow you wherever you go in the room. This thing is so spooky people, I kept my screwdriver in my back pocket, for emergencies and stuff, you know! ( No wonder I am half insane most of the time, Homer is still gopher hunting at odd times of the night, my dog, well is my dog, and now the chuckie clone is living in my house!)type and smile, type and smile!

I made it till just about an hour before Homer Jr. was to be home, ( poor guy, he called to see how his baby was doing, since she had a bad night the night before!)and the thing wanted to get a bottle. It is okay, but it makes these little," gunk, gunk" sounds, and then it coos every minute or so....... and you have to document what sound and the time it makes it, in the little notebook. Sheesh, the thing drank and cooed for 30 minutes! For real, I am not lying people, 30 minutes, and then it wanted to be burped. But it would not burp. I walked around for another 30 minutes bouncing it on my shoulder, patting gently on its back, every time I quit the massive earsplitting squall resumed. Now remember I had to also write all this down in the book. Grew that third hand, yes I did, and his name was Homer. I told him to get in there and tend to his grandchild! And he did!!! Wow!

He named her Homerellen, and even though he tried all his fatherly tricks, the thing still was not cooperating. I went to check on the gophers for a while..... I left him my screwdriver.

Poor Homer Jr. came home and took over. I was still hearing them at 2 am. I finally got up and gave him the screwdriver, he said thanks, and I left the room, silence reigned once again in about 3 minutes, until I heard Homer Jr. snoring.

All in all, he got a 92 on his homework, and the teacher did not even get an inkling that the batteries had been removed. I really regret not getting a recording of the banshee scream. I might need to help another parent in a assault and battery charge pressed by The Dedicated Teacher! Hey, I am always there for a fellow tortured parent if needed, don't cha know! hehehe

We did everything any responsible parent of a honest to goodness real fake baby would do, and did nothing to cheat at all. That is our story anyway, and we are sticking to it!

hehehehehee

lockerridge

OCT.22,2006 THE DAY JUST CAN'T GET ANY WORSE.....OH, YEAH?....SIGH.....

THEN IT IS JUST TERRIBLE..... AND THEN SIMPLY AWFUL!...... AND THEN HELP IS ON THE WAY!...OR IS IT? THIS LOOKS LIKE IT WILL WORK!....BUT.... JUST WHEN THE DAY LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT BE SAVED.... SIGH! IT JUST LOOKS LIKE THIS LITTLE WHITE CAR, OR MAYBE THE CAR FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANIES WORST NIGHTMARE, JUST HAD TO MAKE A SPLASH!......HEHEHEHEE Poor people! I am sure glad they don't know about Homer and I, they would close up shop and leave the country immediately!

 lockerridge

OCT. 20, 2006 A HORSE'S TALE

Hello everyone, the locke is back and not 100 percent, but maybe 89.3 percent right in the head again! But I suppose that remains to be proven, eh? hehe

I thought you might enjoy a Homer and his horse story this evening, so this is one of the best I can remember. The most of them I can't relate as to get the feel of the day,it would be considered at least R rated,for bad language!

Homer had a horse named Dusty. I say had, because this summer the old feller passed on to horsie heaven, and he is sorely missed. Dusty was one of the smartest animals I ever met. He was a stud horse and thought he was God's gift to lady type horses. He was also the worst joker I have ever seen in my life. He was a part of the family. He drank Pepsi from the bottle, made the wildest looking O with his mouth and could suck a 2 liter bottle dry in seconds! He would drink tea from a cup, if it was full, and crunch the ice up. He was a dandy fine friend to have if you needed a baby sitter. He would play hide and go seek with the kids, running and finding them. It was hilarious, the kids would get so mad because he always gave them up as to their hiding places. And he loved to shoot off fireworks. He would run and snort and hang over the fence while they lit them and when they ran so did he. lol He was a reincarnated relative of Homers I am pretty sure. He loved Homer to an obessive embarrassing kind of thing at times. All Homer had to do was urge him and he would jump over anything, swim through anything. He was Homers right hand horse.

 But this one time I remember it was a day in September and Homer always rode him in the annual county fair parade.   For the parade the riders in Homer's riding clubwore white long sleeved shirts and jeans and of course a cowboy hat. Homer had a brand new Resistol (high dollar piece of straw, I bought him) which he was very particular with. hehe 

He took Dusty to the parade starting line up,I was there for no other reason that I can think of except Homer said,"come on!". Dusty had not seen a girl type horse in a long time, I mean a looooonnnngggg time. There were a lot of very pretty girl type horses there. It was a mass hysteria moment until Homer convinced Dusty that women were evil and he should not even look at them. This lesson was administered with a hand to the ear of the horse and a few stern words spoken. 

So the parade proceeded and he was a model of horsey edicate and never missed a beat. Then he reached the end of his duty ride and of course thought he should be able to go and court at least one of the beautiful lady horses there. It did not help that they thought he was one nice hunk of horseflesh, with whinneys and whickers and neighs all around him, Dusty was looking good now!

It was not in Homers plan though for this kind of thing to take place,and was Dusty ever pissssssed! I mean madder than a hornet when he had to get back in the trailer and go home. Now comes the hilarious part.

Homer put him back in the pasture and the wind whipped around and blew Homers fabulous Resistol hat off his head. He started for it, and Dusty beat him to it! Homer said ," Now okay, you ignorant piece of "xhxgdiuehbffjdidjz" give me back my hat", and started toward him. He was almost up to him, when Dusty threw up his head, whinned, and ran about 20 ft. and stopped. Homer, talking constantly in this conjoling kind of voice, stepped forward, till he got about 3 ft away and Dusty threw up his head and ran 20 ft. and whinned!

This song and dance went on for a good hour. Every time Homer would get almost to the horse he would throw his head up and almost kick him in the head,run 20 ft. , stop, whinney, and snort. Homer would then stand there. I was quite a ways from them, but I could tell he was sweet talking him at first. You know like this," Now Dusty, you know you don't want to hurt that hat. Put it down and I will let you have a Budweiser, really the whole can all to yourself. Just put down the hat and I will get it out of the ice chest, all cold , just like you like it."

Dusty was not buying anything he had to say, he was making him suffer, and loving every second of it! heheheheehee I laughed until I could not breathe. The horse had the upper hand and he knew it. I began to realize that Homer was not playing around any more when he picked up a rock and tried to hit him in the head with it, and the horse apparently figured this out about the same time I did. He threw up his tail and went about 30 feet, dropped the hat, and snorted. Homer smiled,thinking to himself he had won. Homer went forward till he got to the point of bending over the pick it up. Dusty grabbed it,hauled butt for about 30 ft. stopped, dropped it, whinned, and then raised his tail and pooped! OMG! I was losing consiousness from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard!

I made it to the fence in time to hear Homer say,"Dusty, You sorry can of Alpo, I want my hat now!" 

Of course, Dusty being a 1200 lb  horse with 4 feet, was not in the least bit worried about this 140 lb male human with only 2 feet. Grabs the hat and runs about 30 ft. and shakes his head at him! Homer went balistic! " Dusty you sorry MF, get over here and drop my GD hat right now!" I guess by this time Dusty was getting tired of the game, so he waited for Homer to get about 6 ft. from him and then dropped it into his water tank! Lifted his tail and headed for the back of the pasture, putting about 40 acres between him and Homer! I lost consiousness at this point.

Me being a very smart woman, and having experienced his kind of , lets say anger, I headed for the back of the house without a word passing this ladies lips! After about 30 minutes, I heard Homer coming in the back door. When I looked he had on his high dollar, present from me for his birthday, fancy straw Resistol hat. It was chewed all the way around the edges, had grass stains in the top part, the hat band was gone but the feather was still hanging down at this funny angle, and his crisp white shirt was a really awful green and brown camoflage type paint color. Homer had a look on his face that told me that if I laughed he was not going to take it in the usual good natured Homer style. I left the room.

The new super fabulous high dollar piece of straw was now a horse bitten work hat! I stayed out of the room a long time you guys, I just could not control myself on this one. lol

After the second day of Dusty not coming to get his daily ration of grain, Homer got a Budweiser from the icebox and hunted him up. They all but kissed on the lips! Disgusting, I told you it was embarrassing to watch those two sometimes! But you know that is the only time I can remember not having my camcorder battery charged up, and wouldn't you know it, now they got UTube and Homer could become a star, and Dusty his leading lady!

hehehehee don't ya just love it!

lockerridge

 

Entry for October 12, 2006 ENTRY NO. 1

 

                    SNAPSHOT OF GOPHER TOLIET TISSUE

                                                   

                     HOMER TOOK THIS PHOTO ON HIS LAST

                                         GOPHER SAFARI

                  ( I THINK THIS CALLS FOR PROFESSIONALS!)

                                             

                                                         

   No I'm not hysterical, I just have the terminator gophers, back from the future, who use conveyor belt chain for toliet tissue, living and raising families in my back yard! smile and type, smile and type. Maybe the pros could test out that new gopherizer I saw in the internet. Maybe they have their own insurance. Maybe I have to lie down now. No maybe about it, I need to lie down now!....... sigh, smile and type, smile and type.

heheheheheehhee you guys know I had to use the photo somewhere and it was too good a thought to turn down!

 

 lockerridge   

Entry for October 12, 2006 ENTRY NO. 2

 

                                                                

WE HAVE HAD A HAPPENING. YES DEFINTELY A HAPPEINING!

THIS IS WHAT AN AERIAL VIEW OF MY BACK YARD LOOKS LIKE.

I WISH I HAD LET HIM HAVE THE BUTANE AND HOSES. I HAVE REALLY GOT TO  STOP SMILING AND TYPING SO MUCH!

SIGH! GOTTA LOVE HIM!   HE GOT RID OF THE GOPHERS, AND THE GOPHER TRAP PEOPLE TESTED THEIR PRODUCT. NOW DOES ANYONE KNOW ANY GOOD LANDSCAPERS WHO WORK ON INDUSTRIAL NUCLEAR WASTE SITES. WE ONLY GLOW IN THE DARK A LITTLE BIT! HONEST! ......HEHEHEHEHEHEEEE

SAW THESE PHOTOS AND HAD TO DO IT, YOU GUYS KNOW I HAD TO DO IT!

LOVE AND HUGS FROM LOCKE AND HOMER

LOCKERRIDGE

SEPT.21,2006 I HAVE HEARD OF HAVING HAVING HAIR LIKE STRAW BUT TREE BARK?

Okay, I have heard of people making their hedges look like little poodle dogs, and into mazes, and even into places to hide from the police, but this is new to me!

I have to think this was done on purpose, I mean if it just is a natural occurence, I am going to have to wonder what has happened to Mother Nature. Is she giving us a hint? You know, straighten up or I can do other things with the human form. I can just change my mind about making you idiots into human form. She may be working on an evolutionary change. This may be the missing link people! OMG! Leave it to me to introduce it to the world. Always ahead of the game, and needing change for the pepsi machine, that's me.lol

But then again, she may have just gotten a little too much valium in her sea water this morning! lol I know I have done that before, and the next day wondered who washed that red dress in with the white tee shirts and made all of the guys socks pink in the process. Couldn't have been me. No way. hehehehe.....

As far as I am concerned yard work is really not much fun anymore. I am not very good at making things grow where I want them to. I plant a holly bush in the flower bed in the front of the house and it dies, or I think it does, cause I rip it out of the ground when it has lost all its leaves and the limbs snap in to dust when broken, I throw it over the fence into the cow pasture.

I looked out there the other day and it is huge,.... in the cow pasture. Now that just sucks! I don't care who you are, it just sucks.I look to the north and the south likewise east and west. All these people have yards that look like they use a paintbrush to make em so smooth, weed free, flowerful.

I got sandburs, thistles, crab grass, johnson grass, and gophers. I don't mean the little moles that leave the tunnels that cause me to fall down and bust my... well anyway, I have those also. I am talking about the kind of gophers in Caddy Shack. The ones that leave mounds of dirt  a foot tall and a foot in circumference. In a random pattern all over the yard. No one else has these varmints. Why is my yard so much to their likeing they have built condominiums and sell time shares to their relatives. I have no clue. I do nothing to persuade them it is a nice place to build and raise their children.  I think sometimes they have a university under the ground cause they are so smart. I mean I have tried, traps, poison pellet, juicy fruit gum( old wives tale, I am desperate) they just blew bubbles at me and laughed. I tried one thing they hated though, moth balls. Yes sir, they did not like it when I shoved them into their little mounds of gopher homes. But all they did was throw em back out onto the outside. I mean how am I to win at this one. Well, I gave the problem to the all knowing, and all ready to rid the yard of vermin, boyfriend.

This may not be a good thing. He is talking of gasoline, propane, and tubing. Wants a fuse of some length, I don't remember how much, cause I am not going to be at home when this bomb goes off. I hope they haven't built any homes under the house. I wonder if my insurance covers warfare on gophers. I gotta go and check this out, I'll report back later on the technique and if it works. If I survive the blast that is.

LOCKERRIDGE

 

SEPT20, 2006, CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH LOCKERRIDGE VS. THE EVIL X.

imagesof my pooches

Sep 19, 2006 - 20 Photos

    WEll this is not exactly what I had in mind when I set out to defeat the EvilX, but it will work.

Did you hear that people, it works!  YEHAW! I put them on one blog! I did it, I did it, WOHOOO I DID IT!

Okay to see all of the pooches you click on the pic above and it will take you to a brand new thing that google and picasa have got going. You can send your entire folder of photos from picasa (which is a photo editor you can download for free from google i.e. see google home page and click on more and then click even more, chose it from the list and it is free!) to a webalbum. When you get them uploaded to there you have an option to convert it and imbed it in your blog! Used the HTML option on the compose blog page and walah! they can be seen from my blog.

I hope.

I need feed back please, are the evil x's still there. Am I the only one who can see the pooches or can everyone else?

I am getting too excited and need to calm down. Okay after I find out for sure if they are really going to be able to snore on everyone else's blog, I will be calm. ohmmmmmmmm!  

If they can be seen, get ready for me to wake all the dogs in the world and let them out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOCKERRIDGE

 

Entry for August 31, 2006

 

 

momma can you see this baby? please message me or comment if you can. I am working out the x problem, maybe.

Entry for August 29, 2006 WHAT CAN TEACHING A CHILD TEACH US?

AS I READ THE FOLLOWING CAPTIONS I STOPPED AND THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT THEY MEAN TO A PARENT.

 

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE VOICE OF REASON IN MY SON'S LIFE. AT LEAST THAT IS THE WAY I SEE MY REACTION TO SOME OF HIS IDEALISTIC ADVENTURES.

 

HE THINKS I AM TOO NEGATIVE. HE IS MAYBE A LITTLE BIT RIGHTWHEN HE ADVISES ME, AND WHEN HE SAYS THIS IT IS WITH ALL THE ADULT SERIOUSNESS A 22 YEAR OLD MALE CAN MUSTER, THAT I SHOULD TAKE BUNGIE JUMPING LESSONS , LOOSEN UP, AND LIVE A LITTLE! HE DISCOVERED ME ON THE TELEPHONE ONE AFTERNOON LAUGHING AND HAVING A WONDERFUL CONVERSATION. HE ASKED AFTER I HAD HUNG UP, WHO I WAS ENJOYING TALKING TO SO MUCH.

I DID NOT WANT TO TELL HIM. HE PERSISTED. I FINALLY BROKE DOWN AND TOLD HIM. HE LAUGHED AND THEN SAID, " MOM, YOU DEFINTELY NEED TO TAKE BUNGIE JUMPING LESSONS, CAUSE THAT IS JUST SAD!"

 

I WAS TALKING TO THE LADY AT THE TELEPHONE OFFICE I HAD CALLED TO STRAIGHTEN OUT A CHARGE ON MY BILL THAT WAS NOT MINE, WHEN IN FACT MY SON HAD CALLED SOMEONE AND HAD NOT TOLD ME. WE GOT TO VISITING ABOUT OUR KIDS AND ACTUALLY HAD A WONDERFUL TIME. ABOUT 30 MINUTES WORTH.

 

HUMMM.............BUNGIE JUMPING LESSONS? 

I WONDER IF I MAYBE TOOK UP BONSAI GROWING LESSONS HE WOULD TAKE ME OUT OF HIS " I THINK SHE IS BREATHING" CATAGORY OF WASTED MOMENTS AND PUT ME INTO AT LEAST " HOPE FOR THE FUTURE, MAYBE" CATAGORY?  OH WELL, IF I AM HIS VOICE OF REASON,( HE CALLS IT NEGATIVITY) AND ALL 22 YEAR OLD MALES NEED ONE, HE WILL AT LEAST HAVE TO SLOW DOWN LONG ENOUGH TO HAND ME MY CANE!

 

EITHER WAY, IF YOU CAN'T THINK OF A REASON WHY YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING , JAMIE SAYS TO DO IT......"CAUSE THE CHICKS DIG IT!"

 

LOCKERRIDGE
 

Live in such a way that those who know you but don't know God, will come to know God because they know you.