He is also the funniest kid this side of the Mississippi River. He doesn't even try and he can make you roll in the floor laughing. I think he gets it from his Dad, who by the way is the guy in the plaid shirt looking like he is really thinking something important over, that other guy in the black shirt is some guy who showed up to eat at this particular fourth of July picnic. For some reason Homer's family has that happen to them a lot. After the person leaves, they all ask each other who was that, and no one really ever knows! lol
I thought I would give you a little trip of a day with Homer Jr. and let you decide if he is truly gifted and I should get him on the Dave Letterman show, or if he is just a typical teenage boy, who is already going bald at the top of his head! He has an Arkansas Razorback hat size 7, that is so badly in need of throwing away, I have tried to sneak it out of the house and into the trash can twice, but he catches me every time. I mean this thing is duct taped all around the bill, all of the stitching is ripped out of the pig applique, until all that is left is the snout and one foot. It does not say Soooie Pig anymore either. It says S ie ig. And I don't think that is any kind of word, in any language, especially English! I have tried to get the grease, dirt, and sweat stains out with every know laundry product on the market. Using a toothbrush and toothpaste last time I dared to dunk it into water, in hopes the grit in the toothpaste might take a little of the "hard working man" as he describes the look, out of the thing. It did not help. I think I might have lost the second O in Sooie that time too.
Last Christmas I took him and my son to the Mall near the college, and went to the hat store there. Yes they have a store that all they sell are Razorback hats, in all colors and sizes and some even have lightning bolts on the side of them. And I paid 25 dollars for a hat EXACTLY like the thing he plops on his head every morning, only it still looks like a hat. This relic he has reminds me of one of those grease rags that lays in the corner of the garage, and is the cause of the whole garage spontaneously combusting... hehe This hat is still in his closet in the bag it came in. I gave up. Sometimes just admitting defeat is the best thing to do for a parents mental stability. Although I did convince him his Elvis side burns were just not making up for the sparse growth on the top of his head. He sighed and said well I was growing hair transplant plugs, but if you think they are causing me to lose the chickinterest factor.... they are history. sigh
He loves anything that has the John Deere tractors logo on it. Anything. I swear he would drive a green truck if it had a front end loader on it and chrome wheels. He has two favorite T- shirts. One says " I am a country music song waiting to happen" and the other says " I do my own stunts" He thinks Burt Reynolds is going to make a come back, and he likes the music from rock in the eighties. My kind of kid huh? Except he also has those speakers in his truck that when he parks in front of the house and I am in the bathtub, the water vibrates in the tub. He pointed out to me that this is the economy way to have a hot tub with jets action. And I said "HUH?"
He works for a man who is building a cabin,and when they are not working on it, he has a local trash pickup route that he hires Homer Jr. and another boy to run. They love to get to drive the trash truck, and Homer Jr. loves to do the compacter thing with the bed of the truck. He is not above playing around a little bit, like the other day he came in and he had this enormous knot on his head. I of course was all ice pack and what happened. He kind of turned red and said, " Well there was this vaccum cleaner that was on the curb and I was messing around and swinging it in a circle to get a good throw on it, but I didn't realize the cord was wrapping around my legs, and then I let go." 
The other night he was going to go and run around with the guys for a while and the phone rang just as he was leaving the house. I said," Go on, I will tell Cole you are on your way." He grabbed the phone and said, "No, I need to find out if the hookers are on their way yet, I may have to go and pick them up." 
On his way out the door, he says in all seriousness," You know the price of gas is just ridiculous, I do not know how much longer I am going to be able to afford to drive anywhere. And with the price of condoms as high as it is, for the really good ones, I am probably going to have to give up women too." He then shut the door, with a cheerful, "See you guys later." And Homer and I lost consiousness from laughing.
He was so supposed to be home by midnight. At around 9 o'clock I heard him coming for a landing. He came through the door with a grocery sack in his hand with his favorite kind of cereal in it. I said," What up buttercup?" He says...." I was sitting in the truck with 2 more idiots, afraid to run the motor much more to keep warm, cause we were all getting high from the carbon monoxide, and I decided I could be home eating cereal, sitting by the fire, and watching White Lightning." He is a real party animal ya know!
One thing about Homer Jr. though.... He does know when tomorrow is on the calendar. It is right after the day he gives up his S ie ig hat! hehe
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! 
It is truly something the universities should do a complete study on. The emotional level of selfishness is at maximum overdrive, over any other time of the year. And you all know how that movie turned out! The machines went nuts and took revenge on the owners! Although, after yesterday, I think maybe a touch of digital revenge might be in order
to straighten out a few of these crazed, (adults, ha!) people who have to have the latest, and the greatest, and pay for it for 2 or 3 years for their children, who usually are not in the least bit concerned about it.
They play with the box more than the toy! I mean buying a portable DVD player for a two year old is just too much! sigh
and armed with a whole pocket full of credit cards that are new and untouched! They claw, they yell, they curse, they fist fight, they sit outside of stores for days in the cold and wait for Wendy's to take pity and provide them with french fries and frosties. Pitiful, simply pitiful!
The day after Thanksgiving is possibly the worst day of the year to shop, if you are a quiet type person, like me. (
hehe) The stores open up at 5 am, and promise super duper sales for 3 hours of stupendous savings..... um humm.... they practically give you the stuff they had on their clearance racks to get you into their store. I am to the point that if I can't get it at Walmart, people will be getting an IOU,for one present, after the January white sales and the February Mall Walk sales. Sheesh... They might have to wait until the after Valentines day sales, and Presidents days sales, Columbus Day Sales, and then Easter sales, and then of course Memorial day sales, and that takes you right into Mothers Day
and then Fathers Day
and then Independence day in July. I think I will just give out computer generated cards on notebook paper with a little cash inside. Then again, stores don't like cash money much anymore, and to write a check, well they take it then they give it back to you after they electronically store all of your banking information in their computer system! 
But this year, I took a turn in the store by myself, looking for a gift for my 7 year old cousin, and the kids were so involved with playing with every single toy out of every single box on the shelf, I couldn't get to the shelf to take one home with me. I tried to be sweet
I turned around thinking I would see a parent streaking across the store to save her child, ( maybe I could reason with her to make the kid give up the toy) and continued to stand there waiting for 10 minutes while the child in question continued his high pitch litany of "Stranger! Danger!".... No one ever came.....
The other kids, were oblivious to anything but, continuing to destroy all the merchandise they could reach, and I left the store empty handed except for the advertising circular they handed me at the door, with a pleasant Merry Christmas, come see us again! Not on your life could you get me back into that chaos. No way! No trip to Toys R Tornup, this year!
They actually have guys in golf carts shuttling the old folks back and forth to the door of the mall, and their car. I suppose I am not old enough yet, even though I yelled, and threw little rocks that were on the pavement, at the guy on the golf cart, he just whizzed right on by!
There has got to be a discrimination law I could use with this one, but the lawyers won't take my case, I am sure. They would plead temporary Holiday Shopping at the Mall insanity. I would lose.
( signs say to ask for help for things on the top shelves... they have no one who works at these stores at such times, as I have asked.... they are all on break... or have broken bones, getting stuff off the top shelves) I managed to snag a pair of jeans for Homer, a box of candy for Homer's Mom and a lot of circulars for after Christmas sales. 
Like I am going back there after Christmas and fight the people lined up for a city block to return the gifts they don't want or that just don't fit right. You can be sure anything on the rack after Christmas has been worn before. And not in the clean dressing rooms of the store either! ewww.....
lockerridge
lockerridge
lockerridge
lockerridge