FEBRUARY 12, 2007 THE INTERVENTION OF OUR FRIEND... IAMIGLOO

THIS IS A CALL TO ALL WHO THINK THAT IAMIGLOO IS IN NEED OF AN INTERVENTION ABOUT THAT " SONG" THAT HE PLACED IN HIS HOME THIS PAST 2 WEEKS NOW......

IF THEIR ARE ANY YOUNG IMPRESSIONABLE MINDS IN THE ROOM. TELL THEM TO COME HERE AND LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, IF YOU GET HOOKED ON THE YABBADABBADOOOSIES IN THE WORLD...

AS YOU ALL KNOW, I AM IN CUPID TRAINING THESE DAYS. I WAS DOING MY LEARNING TO FLY WITH THESE LITTLE BITTY PITIFUL EXCUSES FOR WINGS, AFTER A LONG ARCHERY LESSON WHEN I HAPPENED TO FLY OVER IGHOUSESHOES ICE CASTLE...

NOTICE THE STANGE COLORS THE ICE CASTLE IS SHOWING THESE DAYS?....... THAT GLOW IS NOT FROM THE NOTHERN LIGHTS MY FRIENDS! OHHH NOO! SOMETHING SINISTER HAS OUR STINKY FURRLESS FOWL IN ITS CLUTCHES!!!!!

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WHAT SEEMS INNOCENT TO THE EYES, BUT LIKE FINGERNAILS ON A CHALKBOARD TO LISTEN TO HAS MOVED INTO THE CASTLE. IT LOOKS LIKE THIS...

yes i deleted the song... omg! if you can call that a song!!!!

BUT IN REALITY, IT IS A SUCCUBUS..

SHE IS SLOWLY SUCKING,HIS LITTLE STINKY SOUL,OUT OF HIS LITTLE STINKY BODY... THE HUSSIE!!!

BY USING THE EVIL YABBADABBADOOSIES ON HIS LITTLE STINKY BRAIN! THE EVIL HUSSIE!!!

THIS IS WHAT I SAW WHEN I PEEKED INTO THE WINDOW,TO SEE WHAT I COULD SEE.. NO I AM NOT A PEEPING LOCKIE... I AM A PEEPING " CUPID" LOCKIE!!

BUT THERE IS HOPE FOR IGLUCY YET!! A HELP GROUP CALLED THE YABADABBALOSERS HAVE A 9 STEP PROGRAM TO HELP OUR FRIEND!!!

THIS IS ACTOR BARNEY RUBBLE THE FOUNDER AND PRESIDENT OF THE GROUP

GET HELP NOW! CALL BEFORE THIS HAPPENS TO YOU!

MERLIN THE MAGICIAN WAS ALSO A VICTIM OF THE EVIL SUCCUBUS PLOTS!

THE FIRST STEP INVOLVES EVERYONES PARTICIAPATION... GO TO THE LINK BELOW,AND USE THE SNOW BALL GUN,TO SEVER THE LINKS THE EVIL HUSSSIE HAS LINKED INTO HIS LITTLE STINKY BRAIN..

http://www.lethalpenguin.net/host/422/

IAMIGLOO NEEDS OUR SUPPORT BEFORE HE STARTS TO GROW HORNS LIKE THIS POOR GUY DOWN BELOW!

STEP TWO TOMORROW! HELP SAVE THE LITTLE STINKY MEANACE FROM THE EVIL HUSSIE!

lockerridge

FEBRUARY 10, 2007 WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN

THIS WAS SENT TO ME IN AN EMAIL A WHILE BACK.. .. AND I SAVED IT, AND THEN PROMPTLY LOST IT AGAIN!

BUT, GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS, I FOUND IT AGAIN! HEHE

I WANT TO SHARE IT WITH YOU, IN HOPES THAT YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY SEEN IT! YOU GUYS KNOW ME.......

AN HOUR LATE, AND A QUARTER SHY OF ENOUGH MONEY FOR THE PEPSI MACHINE!

I LOVE THIS, THIS IS JUST WHAT A PERSON NEEDS, SO THEY WILL NOT TAKE THEMSELVES SO SERIOUSLY! WE ALL NEED A HEALTHY DOSE OF THAT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE!

SO HERE IS THE REASON "WHY" WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN SO VERY MUCH!!

lockerridge

FEBRUARY 8, 2007 DO YOU KNOW WHY....

KNOW WHY

BOYS RUN FASTER THAN GIRLS?

BALL BEARINGS AND A GEAR SHIFT!

HEHEHEEHEHEHEEEE!

lockerridge

FEBRUARY 6, 2007 THE TEXAS CHILI COOKOFF... RERUNS CAN STILL BE FUNNY...

THIS PHOTO IS OF BILL AND TED ON THEIR EXCELLENT ADVENTURE.. BUT IT GIVES AN ACCURATE PORTRAYAL OF THE WAY THE MAN NAMED FRANK MUST HAVE LOOKED AND ACTED AS A STAND IN FOR A JUDGE AT A CHILI COOKOFF CONTEST IN TEXAS ..

ON TO THE MOST EXCELLENT STORY! HAHAHA!

Texas Chili Cook-off

If you can read the whole story without tears of laugher running down your cheeks then there's no hope for you.

NOTE: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions of two judges (Native Texans). They said that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1: A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge #3 (Frank): Holy Mother of God! What is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3: Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face!

CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1: Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge # 2: A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers

Judge # 3: Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before the flames that come from my ears ignite again. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. blonde lady is starting to look HOT - just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. They told me chili is an aphrodisiac!

CHILI # 5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.! It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming! Screw those rednecks!!

CHILI # 6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. She must be braver than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore, and I really need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2: Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like sh*t to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI #8: TOMMY'S TOE-NAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1: The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2: This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili!

WHEN THEY GET TO THE PART ABOUT THE WIPING OF THE SNOW CONE... I SIMPLY LOSE IT! THIS IS THE FUNNIEST JOKE I HAVE EVER READ! IT WAS SUBMITTED A LONG TIME AGO BY A FELLA NAMED BULLDOG ON YAHOO ANSWERS... I HAVE NOT SEEN OR HEARD ANYTHING FROM THIS GUY SINCE THEN... BUT WHEN YOU TELL THE BEST JOKE EVER.. WHAT ELSE IS LEFT! HEHEHEE

lockerridge

FEBRUARY 4, 2007 FOR ALL THOSE WHOM I LOVE DEARLY A HILLBILLY BLESSING

TO THOSE WHO LOVE ME

AND I LOVE THEM BACK!

IF I FORGOT YOU, LET ME KNOW AND I WILL FIX IT QUICKER THAN YOU CAN SAY," FIX IT LOCKIE!"

MY FRIEND PD

WHO DOES A BRILLIANT

BALANCING ACT EVERYDAY...

MY FRIEND DANI

WITHOUT THE MUSTACHE AND LONGER HAIR

THE REST IS ACCURATE, HEHE

MY FRIEND COSMOS CLARA

WHOM I ADORE

MY FRIEND JAE ELLE

AND HER DOG DUSTY!

I LOVE IT!

MY FRIEND VINNIE

THE MISCHEVIOUS ONE

MY FRIEND IAMIGLOO OR

USUALLY STINKY FOR SHORT..UMMHUMM

MY SWEET FRIEND SAKURA

WHO HAS THE CAFFEINE INDUCED ABILITY TO TYPE WITH HER TOES... TRUE TALENT!

MY FRIENDS

DIO AND FLAGON

IT IS OKAY THAT YOU BURNED UP MY CAKE FLAGON...

(LOCKERRIDGE TIP FOR NON STRESSFUL LIVING NO. 1.... IT IS ALWAYS OKAY IF SOMETHING THAT BIG DOES ANYTHING , ESPECIALLY IF IT HAS A TERMINAL CASE OF BAD BREATH THAT A TIC TAC THE SIZE OF A SMALL CITY, WILL NEVER CURE!)

HEY, NO GRASS GROWING ON THIS HEAD...

MY FRIEND STILL HAPPY 89

THE SWEETEST AND HAPPIEST MAN I KNOW

FOR MY FRIEND ERIC C

FROM DOWN UNDER

A QUIET, INTELLIGENT, SWEET MAN!

THANKYOU ALL SO MUCH FOR MAKING MY BIRTHDAY SO SPECIAL... YOU HAVE NEVER MET ME IN PERSON, YET YOU CARE SO MUCH FOR ME..

IT IS KIND OF ASTONISHING TO ME, THAT YOU ALL REMEMBERED AND BROUGHT TO ME SUCH A GIFT OF YOUR TIME AND THOUGHT, THAT I AM FOR THE FIRST TIME, SPEECHLESS, KIND OF LIKE WHEN HOMER ATE THE ALKA SELTZER AND I THOUGHT HE HAD RABIES! HEHE

THERE IS NO WAY I COULD EVER SHOW YOU HOW YOU HAVE WARMED MY DAY INTO A WONDERFUL GLOW... IT IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY I CAN REMEMBER EVER HAVING.. AND ALL BECAUSE OF YOU ALL... HOMER TOOK ME OUT FOR A NICE STEAK DINNER, ( WAS EXCELLENT, AND THE PART OF ME NOT HAVING TO COOK IT WAS THE BEST PART!) MY SON WHIZZED BY AND DROPPED OFF A NEW KEITH URBAN CD FOR ME WITH A HUG AND A HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA, THEN HE WAS OFF TO A SUPERBOWL PARTY, HOMER JR. IS STILL NOT HOME, HEHE, AND THEN YOU GUYS WITH ALL YOUR LOVE, AND ATTENTION HAVE MADE THIS BIRTHDAY JUST SO FANTASTIC... THANKYOU FROM THE VERY CENTER OF MY LOVE ..

NOW FOR YOUR BLESSING I PROMISED... HEHEHE

I AM NOT EVIL I TELL YOU, ( SAY IT WITH ME NOW) I JUST SOUND THAT WAY! HEHEHEHEHEEE

MAY THE FLEAS OF A THOUSAND CAMELS INFEST THE CROTCH OF THE PERSON WHO WOULD DARE TO MESS UP YOUR DAY!

MAY THEIR TOENAILS BECOME ENCRUSTED WITH FUNGUS AND BECOME YELLOW AND STINKY

(JUST LIKE IGLOOS! EEEWWWW!)

LET IT BE BROUGHT UPON THEM THAT THEIR NASAL HAIR SHALL START TO GROW AS WELL AS THEIR EAR HAIR...

MAY THE HAIR UPON THEIR HEADS START TO SHRIVEL AND FALL UPON THE FLOOR..

AND MAY THEIR ARMS BE TO SHORT TO SCRATCH, THIER SCISSORS TOO DULL TO TRIM, AND THIER HATS TOO BIG TO WEAR !

AMEN!

THIS BLESSING IS ASKED FOR YOU BY LOCKERRIDGE, PARTNER IN HILLBILLY TECHNOLOGY INC.

ALL HEXS AND WISHED FOR BAD THINGS WILL BE PROVIDED BY GRANNY JUNE ELLEN

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED!

I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANKS AGAIN FOR THE WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY YOU HAVE MADE FOR THIS LOCKERRIDGE!

I'M NOT REALLY EVIL, I JUST SOUND THAT WAY!

HEHE!

lockerridge