NOVEMBER 3, 2007 WHAT TODAY MIGHT HAVE BEEN..

 

WHAT TODAY SHOULD HAVE BEEN FOR ME IS MY 28TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.. MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO I FOLLOWED HERE FROM THE 360 ALREADY KNOW MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY IN 1999.

MOST OF THEM KNOW I HAVE THESE IRRITATING BOUTS OF "DARK DEMON DAYS" MOST USUALLY AROUND THE HOLIDAYS.

THOSE DAYS THAT DON'T FEEL RIGHT TO ME. THEY ARE ALL WRONG. THEY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME OR FEEL RIGHT. I KNOW THAT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET PAST IT AFTER ALL THIS TIME.. OR AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT I TELL MY SELF ALL THE TIME..

BUT IT JUST COMES ANYWAY.. HOW DO YOU RID YOURSELF OF IT?

THAT IS THE 64,000 DOLLAR QUESTION FOR SURE.. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU RID YOURSELF OF THEM..

IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANYTHING ANYONE CAN TALK ME OUT OF EITHER.. SO IF YOU ARE READING AND TRYING TO FORM AN ANSWER FOR ME.. I APPRECIATE IT.. BUT ACTUALLY THIS BLOG TODAY IS SIMPLY AN OUTLET FOR THE STEAM THAT SEEMS TO BE BUILDING UP.

SO JUST LET ME RAMBLE AND THANKS FOR READING. IT .. ALTHOUGH NOT ENTERTAINING OR INFORMATIVE.. IT IS WHAT IT IS ..

IT IS ME.. AND SOMETIMES ME IS A SAD SACK OF POO! A HYPOCRITE OF THE WORST KIND!

I GOT TO STOP NOW AND JUST GO DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME SMILE.. LIKE LOOK AT THE PICS I TOOK OF MY SON YESTERDAY WHEN HE WAS DOWN FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.. HE IS A LOVE THAT BOY IS.. HECK HE IS NOT A BOY ANY MORE HE IS 24 YEARS OLD!

I LOVE HIM.. VERY VERY MUCH.. AND I WISH SO BADLY AT TIMES THAT HIS GROWING UP HAD BEEN DIFFERENT.. BUT I CAN'T TURN BACK THE CLOCK AND I CAN'T TAKE AWAY HURTS THAT LINGER..

I WISH I COULD TURN IT BACK FOR BOTH OF US.. AND HAVE OVERS.. BUT LIFE ISN'T MADE LIKE THAT .. AND SOMETIMES.. IT JUST OVERWHELMS ME.. THAT FACT...

THAT FACT THAT I CAN'T FIX THE PAST WRONGS ..

IS SIMPLY THAT FACT.

I FACE IT EVERY DAY.. AND I FIGHT THE FACT THAT I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO THE WEAKNESS THAT WOULD KEEP ME FROM FUNCTIONING. ... I WILL NOT EVER BE THAT WEAK AGAIN.. ONCE IS ENOUGH!

LOVE TO THOSE WHO READ AND DON'T RUN SCREAMING FROM THE PAGE.

 

LOCKIE.. OVER AND OUT!

 

lockerridge

NOVEMBER 1, 2007 REPOST OF MY SEPTEMBER 22, 2006 A ME AND HOMER STORY.. 2ND IN THE SERIES.. "SO THAT HAS BEEN THE PROBLEM ALL ALONG!"

SEPT.22,2006 SO THAT HAS BEEN THE PROBLEM ALL ALONG!

For the sake of staying a little bit anonymous, we will call my significant other Homer. Homer is something else. He is sweet as candy, country as a mouse, and I love him dearly. But he is just a little bit, shall we say strange about his way of getting things done, and when he decides to do them.

Tonight it is storming. I mean they are having tornado warnings and the color weather radar is nothing but a big red splotch on the screen. It is not a good night to be outside. Or on top of the roof.

We have a small problem with a leaky seam over the front door of the mobile home. It has been this way now for at least 2 months, and every time it rains, he says I am going to get up there tomorrow and silicone the cracks in the seams. I always say okay, even though I am yet to understand how his calendar works, tomorrow is usually a never coming day in the future. I mean if it is not raining, it does not need fixing and when it is raining, you don't want to get wet right? Sure, right...... logic Homer style.

Any way tonight as the weather reports on TV are predicting it was getting closer to us, the more he comments that he ought to silicone those cracks before it gets here. I just smile and keep typing. I do that a lot , smile and type. It is the best answer to the situation every time. Well anyway, the lightning is starting, and he drags out the ladder and gets his caulk gun, silicone,8 ft. long piece of pvc pipe( homemade gutter cleaning tool) and the flash light. I continue to smile and type. I ain't going out there. I mean somebody has got to be available to call 911!  don't cha know. lol

I hear him up there clomping around, (if the seams weren't leaking before, they are now), then over the clomping sound I hear the roar of a unmuffled motor. My cousin, who is building a '64 chevy pickup, with Homers expert advice of course, roars into the yard and the truck immediately dies, and when you hit the key it just goes click. He and his new wife are in need of a jump. So clomp, clomp he climbs down off the ladder, which is about 8 inches too short for him to step down onto. So he almost falls, but catches himself and does double time to get the jumper cables and his truck. I come outside to tell them how crazy they are to be driving around in the dark on a stormy night in a builder of a truck. Remember I am the God mother of the family, being the senior member, so I have to be the voice of reason. lol  I am about as equipped to do that as I am to be the CEO of Trump Enterprises. But, as it is my responsibility to stomp on everyones enthusiasm, so be it, I gave it a try. They told me to shut up and go back to smiling and typing. I did.

I heard him fire up a few minutes later and then haul it out of the driveway. I will have ruts to fill in tomorrow, sigh. Then I hear the clomp, clomp again. I keep on typing and smiling.

About 5 minutes later, the sound of another vehicle that sounds like it is unmuffled, but is, can be heard spluttering and coming in for a landing. It is my stepson, and he is fast running out of gas. But , the stereo is turned up to a notch just below the space shuttle lauching, and the bass is making my pc screen tremble and roll. He is a thumper, Lord help us he is a thumper. So I hear," Dad, I need to borrow some gas money". I get up and start for my purse, I hear the expected words, " Hey, come and give Homer Jr. some money for gas." I smile, raid my wallet, go out, hand over my hard to get cash, smile, turn walk in the house to type once again. Smile just smile. Then I hear clomp, clomp, clomp. Varoom, splutter, put, put, and then he is off to the races, or the gas station......sigh, I smile. 

Then the room is lit up like a yard light, the thunder clap rattles the windows, and immediately a downpour that would drown a frog starts. I look up from the computer screen, and hear tap, tap, tap, on the sliding glass doors. I smile and open the door. He is on the roof, and hits me in the face with his pvc pipe gutter cleaner. He was using it to tap on the door. I forgive him. Slowly.

He says, " Hey come and hold the ladder for me, I am going to get killed up here. I don't think I should finish this now. I'll finish it tomorrow." I smile and put on my shoes.

I go out and he is flinging leaves from the guttering with speed like a guy who is driving the get away car! As is becoming the theme for the evening, added to the throbbing swelling nose I have from the hit with the tap tap pipe,  now I have a face full of wet leaves. You  know I really do care for this guy don't ya?  I smile.

I go over to the ladder and he clomps down to it. He says, "Can you catch the flash light?" Of couse before I can say anything the throws it down to me. I drop it, but it didn't hit me, thank goodness.  I grit my teeth, but I smile.

I am holding the ladder to keep it from falling when he sort of hops onto the top of it, remember it is too short by a good 8 inches. He just keeps dangling there and I say," I am holding the ladder come on down, I won't let it tump over." It is really raining now, and lightning like God is trying to short circuit the whole world. Thunder is crashing around us and it is very dark, lots of wind. Not a real homey kind of night.

He keeps mumbling something, which I can't understand, and well my patience has run its long course on this one. I say in a kind of loud voice," Damnit Homer, get on the ladder, I am not going to stand here all night!" To which he mumbles another reply, I could not understand. Still dangling 8 inches above the top of the ladder.  I repeat my instructions to which he says, and I got to tell you this is the other reason I love this guy so much, and laugh most of my days. He says to me in a very loud voice so the neighbors on the other side of the next road hears him, " I said I am hung  woman, and I don't mean I am hung like a horse either, I am hung on the fireplace vent and I can't work on getting loose from  that and answer you at the same time!"

It was all I could do to hold the ladder till, he finally got loose from the roof. I then lost all control, and laughed until I had to go and lay down my sides hurt so much. He was so serious, with the remark comparing his attributes to that of a horse, and he looked so ridiculous hanging there in the middle of the thunderstorm, with his hat on backwards, caulking gun stuck in his waistband in the front, legs of his jeans tucked into his boots, and the 8 ft. long piece of pvc piple sticking up out of the back waistband of his jeans. I compare it to a human lightning rod, although it has no danger of it damaging any brain cells if it does catch a bolt. lol

He has not given up on the idea of gassing the gophers,that I told you about in the previous blog. He has enlisted the help of several of his male friends, as well as my overly enthusiastic son. My son has a thing about blowing things up and is quite carried away with the possiblities of this adventure. I am leaving the house for the day. I think my insurance will cover the warfare damage, and well if it doesn't, hey Homer will fix it tomorrow.

lockerridge 

Thursday September 21, 2006 - 11:30pm (CDT)

SEPT.21,2006 I HAVE HEARD OF HAVING HAVING HAIR LIKE STRAW BUT TREE BARK? FIRST IN A SERIES.. ME AND HOMER STORIES BY LOCKERRIDGE

Okay, I have heard of people making their hedges look like little poodle dogs, and into mazes, and even into places to hide from the police, but this is new to me!

I have to think this was done on purpose, I mean if it just is a natural occurence, I am going to have to wonder what has happened to Mother Nature. Is she giving us a hint? You know, straighten up or I can do other things with the human form. I can just change my mind about making you idiots into human form. She may be working on an evolutionary change. This may be the missing link people! OMG! Leave it to me to introduce it to the world. Always ahead of the game, and needing change for the pepsi machine, that's me.lol

But then again, she may have just gotten a little too much valium in her sea water this morning! lol I know I have done that before, and the next day wondered who washed that red dress in with the white tee shirts and made all of the guys tighty whiteys pink in the process. Couldn't have been me. No way. hehehehe.....

As far as I am concerned yard work is really not much fun anymore. I am not very good at making things grow where I want them to. I plant a holly bush in the flower bed in the front of the house and it dies, or I think it does, cause I rip it out of the ground when it has lost all its leaves and the limbs snap in to dust when broken, I throw it over the fence into the cow pasture.

I looked out there the other day and it is huge .... in the cow pasture. Now that just sucks! I don't care who you are, it just sucks.I look to the north and the south likewise east and west. All these people have yards that look like they use a paintbrush to make em so smooth, weed free, flowerful.

I got sandburs, thistles, crab grass, johnson grass, and gophers. I don't mean the little moles that leave the tunnels that cause me to fall down and bust my... well anyway, I have those also. I am talking about the kind of gophers in Caddy Shack. The ones that leave mounds of dirt a foot tall and a foot in circumference. In a random pattern all over the yard. No one else has these varmints. Why is my yard so much to their likeing they have built condominiums and sell time shares to their relatives. I have no clue. I do nothing to persuade them it is a nice place to build and raise their children. I think sometimes they have a university under the ground cause they are so smart. I mean I have tried, traps, poison pellets, juicy fruit gum( old wives tale, I am desperate) they just blew bubbles at me and laughed.

I tried one thing they hated though, moth balls. Yes sir, they did not like it when I shoved them into their little gopher hole homes. They threw them back at me! EEEK!

How am I to win at this one?

 Well, I gave the problem to the all knowing, and all ready to rid the yard of vermin, boyfriend.

This may not be a good thing. He is talking of gasoline, propane, and tubing. Wants a fuse of some length, I don't remember how much, cause I am not going to be at home when this bomb goes off. I hope they haven't built any homes under the house. I wonder if my insurance covers warfare on gophers. I gotta go and check this out, I'll report back later on the technique and if it works. 

hummm...

If I survive the blast that is.

lockerridge

Comments

(5 total) Post a Comment

ICEMAN

Offline IM

With this type of "IED" you would probably have to Caddy Shack up with the Gophers,because there will be nothing left around your house.Or look back to the tree, Mother Nature may mutate you into a Gopher,but I would still join you in a couple of the verses of that Caddy Shack song the Gopher use to sing,how did it go? I"m alright? LOL

Thursday September 21, 2006 - 04:13am (PDT) Remove Comment

Iamig…

Lol... your take on your surrounding is hilarious as usual. And I have watched Caddyshack, my advice is to leave them alone! Heh.

Ok... since you made me laugh, I will tell you a deep dark secret of mine. I killed a cactus once! No no, not on purpose... I was trying to grow it... raise it. I swear, as soon as I touched it, I saw it go from healthy little plant to a shrivelled, decayed thing right before my eyes. Sigh... don't trust anyone that tell you they are easy to grow.

Thursday September 21, 2006 - 12:13pm (PDT) Remove Comment

JaeElle

This is so funny!! Where are the cats?? Don't you have cats in your neighborhood? They usually get all the gophers. Cats are great hunters. Sure do not think I would use gasoline or propane. Too dangerous.

Love this blog - - so funny, my friend. Luckily I do not have gophers. There are so many cats in the neighborhood where I live. Too many, actually - - but NO GOPHERS!

Thursday September 21, 2006 - 02:45pm (PDT) Remove Comment

Locke…

You know something you guys, I don't actually try to make anything funny. It is just the way my life is. I am telling the truth and not stretching it at all!
As a matter of fact I will put his latest escapde in a blog right now. you will love it .

Thursday September 21, 2006 - 09:41pm (CDT) Remove Comment

Momma…

OMG Locke!! You have outdone yourself this time, my girl! I laughed so hard everybody in my house today came running to see what was so funny!! You rock girl, and your yard sure sounds like certain parts of mine! But I have a couple of marmots! They raise babies that are the size of gophers when they're born, lol!! I have no plans for lethal weapons, though!! Lol, I hope you survive the war!! Lets hope the gophers don't escalate as well and start tossing things bigger than moth balls at you! Grenades come to mind!! Keep us posted on your Backyard Adventures and thanks for the best laugh I've had in days!!

Thursday September 21, 2006 - 11:04pm (EDT) Remove Comment

OKAY A NEW GAME FOR THOSE WHO WERE FOUND SMARTER THAN A PENGUIN.. CAN YOU BOWL FOR CATS? HUMMM?

BOWLING FOR CATS

 

MY FRIEND DAVID E. OR YOU GUYS KNOW HIM AS BUDDY W. OR BAGBALMCATDEW..

 

 SENT ME THIS IS AN EMAIL TODAY.. HE ALWAYS FINDS THE BEST STUFF!

THANKS DAVID!

THIS GAME IS REALLY PRETTY CHALLENGING! YOU ONLY GET 10 FRAMES JUST LIKE A REGULAR BOWLING GAME..

 BUT YOU USE YOUR SPACE BAR TO THROW THE BALL.. AND IT MOVES FASTER AND FASTER AS YOU SCORE POINTS..

 

HEHEHEHEEE!

HAPPY HALLOWEEEN! YEEEEHAAAWWW! BABBBY!

http://www.brandextract.com/catbowling/

 

 

GRAPHICS FOR MY BLOG

PROVIDED BY AND HOSTED FROM

glittergraphics.com

and

photobucket.com

 

lockerridge

         

HOW TO PUT YOUR OWN BACKGROUND ON YOUR PAGE HERE AT MULTIPLY

HIDDY HO! I AM SO GLAD I HAVE NOT LOST YOU GUYS! LOTS OF FOLKS WHO DON'T HAVE AS MUCH TIME AS I HAVE TO PLAY AROUND WITH THIS SITE ARE WONDERING HOW TO GET THEIR OWN BACKGROUNDS ON THIER PAGES.. SO I MADE UP A BLOG FOR YOU. WELL THIS IS THE WAY I DO IT NOW.. IN THE FUTURE I MIGHT HAVE SOME KIND OF SHORTCUT THAT I HAVE NOT SEEN YET POP BEFORE MY EYES.. WHO KNOWS..FOR NOW THIS WORKS WITHOUT TOO MUCH BEING DIFFERENT FROM OUR 360'S..

THE BEST PART OF THIS IS, WE CAN NOW USE THE BACKGROUNDS THAT HAVE THE .GIF FILE ENDING.. WHICH MEANS WE CAN HAVE THE ONES THAT ARE ANIMATED! THAT I LIKE A WHOLE HECK OF A BUNCH.. ONWARD WITH THE LOCKIE HOW TO DO A PERSONAL BACKGROUND ON MULITPLY...

STEP 1.  LOOK ON YOUR MY SITE PAGE AND FIND THE CUSTOMIZE MY SITE OPTION UNDER THE MULTIPLY TOOLBAR AND CLICK IT.

 

STEP 2.  THE PAGE KIND OF DROPS DOWN AND YOU SEE THESE OPTIONS UP AT THE TOP OF THE MULTIPLY MY SITE PAGE.

CLICK ON CHOOSE A THEME

STEP 3.  A PAGE COMES UP AND YOU CHOOSE ... CUSTOM THEME....

STEP 4.  A PAGE COMES UP AND AT THE TOP IS THE OPTION TO UPLOAD A PICTURE FROM YOUR COMPUTER FOR YOUR BACKGROUND.. JUST CLICK THE BROWSE THINGY AND IT WILL OPEN UP YOUR MY PICTURES FILE TO LOOK INTO TO FIND THE IMAGE YOU WANT TO USE.. REMEMBER IT CAN BE JPG.. OR GIF.. AND THE SIZE DOES NOT MATTER! YIPPY SKIPPY YAHOO BUGGABOO!

STEP 5.  TO CHANGE THE COLORS OF YOUR BOXES AND FONTS.. YOU GO TO THE LIST RIGHT BELOW THE UPLOADER AND IT USES A SLIDER COLOR PICKER JUST LIKE 360.. JUST PICK YOUR COLORS AND THEN SAVE IT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.. I HAVE NOT FOUND A WAY TO MAKE OUR BOXES TRANSPARENT YET.. BUT  I AM LOOKING HIGH AND LOW FOR THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE.. I'LL LET YA KNOW IF I FIND A WAY.. THAT IS EASY HEHEHE!

  

STEP 6.  CLICK THE SAVE OR PREVIEW BUTTON ON THE BOTTOM UNDER THE COLOR PICKER CHART.. AND WALA YOU HAVE DONE IT!

HAVE FUN! IT SEEMS TO TAKE A LITTLE WHILE LONGER TO SET STUFF IN PLACE SOMETIMES.. SO DON'T GET UPSET IF IT DOESN'T DO IT IMMEDIATELY.. MAYBE HAVE TO REFRESH THE PAGE OR SOMETHING.. ESPECIALLY IF IT HAS A LOT OF FLASH ON THE BACKGROUND IMAGE YOU PICKED..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EDIT  OCT. 31 

 WHAT DO THE TERMS ON THE COLOR PICKER MATCH UP WITH ON YOUR PAGE

STEP. 7 ADD-ON.   THIS IS AN EDIT BECAUSE OF A REQUEST TO KNOW WHAT THE VARIOUS TERMS MATCH UP TO ON YOUR PAGE ON THE COLOR PICKER... 

 IT IS JUST A TRIAL AND ERROR KIND OF DEAL ON THIS STUFF FOR ME!  COMPUTER LANGUAGE IS NOT ENGLISH! LOL

 I JUST FIND THE WORDS I UNDERSTAND AND PUT THE SAME COLORS THERE IN ALL OF THE PLACES THEY ARE FOUND..

 THEN I SAVE IT..

 IF IT LOOKS SIMPLY PITIFUL..

I GO BACK AND ONE AT A TIME CHANGE STUFF TILL I FIGURE OUT WHERE IT GOES TO..

 IT TAKES TIME.. BUT IN THE END THE WAY YOUR PAGE LOOKS, IS REALLY WORTH THE EFFORT..

 I HAVE GIVEN YOU THE FEW THINGS I CAN UNDERSTAND IN THE ABOVE SCREEN PRINT AND HOW I USE THEM MYSELF.

YOU WILL FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOUR OWN TASTES QUICKLY

JUST PLAY WITH IT.. DON'T BE AFRAID OF IT..

YOU CAN ALWAYS JUST START OVER...

 I KNOW THAT TERM ..REAL...WELL! 

HEHEHEE!

EDIT TO BLOG ... 10-29-07

WELL  GUYS I FOUND OUT THAT THERE IS NO, COLOR CODE NUMBER FOR TRANSPARENT,  THAT WE CAN USE TO MAKE THE BOXES TRANSPARENT, WHEN WE DO OUR PAGES LIKE THIS.

IF WE WANT TO DO A TRANSPARENT BOX PAGE.. WE HAVE TO LEARN THE CSS CODE THING.. DARN IT!

THIS WAY IS FUN TOO.. AND PERSONAL TO US.. SO I SUPPOSE I WILL JUST HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER WAY TO SEE MORE OF MY BACKGROUND PICTURE... LIKE POST A COPY OF IT ON MY PROFILE BOX!  SEE, I AM NOT SMART, REALLY.. JUST STUBBORN ... HEHEHE

LATER SWEET TATERS

lockerridge

DEER HUNTING ... THE HOMER WAY...

The above photo depicts exactly what it means to go to the deer woods with my beloved, Homer. He gives it 100% of all his hunting knowledge and still the only shot he gets is the one he accidentally gives himself when he is giving the dog his rabies vaccine.

You think I jest, no I do not jest. I got this phone call about day 2 into last years deer hunting camp 2005. " Hey, uh, would you get ahold of the vet and ask him if, well, if a person can get the rabies from a vaccine shot?" Trying to stay calm and cool and not double over in laughter, I replied," Did Zip get you down and give it to you in the muscle?" Reply, " Now there is no need to be a smart ass, all I need to know is if I need to go and like get my leg pumped out or something like that!" I lost it at this point. I can just see it all happening in my head.

Zip is half border collie and half calahoula cow dog. His appearance is all border collie, his actions are all cow dog. He will herd anything, I mean anything, mice, corn cobs, butterflies, people, and of course a few cows here and there. The best herding I ever see him do is with Homer's Dad's game chickens. He will herd the poor things into a corner and guard them all day long. Until it starts getting dark and they start to go to roost in the trees. He can't stop them, so he will bark and whine, and do his best to climb the tree after them. It is, to say the least, a good show to be seen by anyone who is into dog comics. The chickens will fly up on the lowest branch first, then work their way upward one limb at a time. He can almost make that first limb by jumping as high as he can and then try to grab the limb with his teeth. He catches air every time and the chickens are sitting on the limb, smugly looking at him. As if to say" What ya gona do now big boy? Don't let fear stand in your way! We got some doggie treats up here, want one, big guy?" " Nanny Nanny poopoo, pooch!" I love it!

Any way back to Homer and his leg needing to be pumped out. hehehehe gotta love the guy! He asked me again if I would call the vet, and I said," Sure honey just stay calm and try not to bark or anything. I hear it speeds up the illness's symptoms." I actually called the vet. The vet, after he stopped laughing said not to worry it was a killed strain of vaccine and no problem should arise, but a sore point of entry. I called him back. I told him the vet said to get to the hospital immediately and he needed to be put in straps and a strait jacket as he would have the hallucinations by that evening.

I know it sounds evil of me, but you got to know Homer. He believed me! Or at least he made me believe he believed me. He started to yell, cussing and acting like he was yelling at Homer Jr. to pack up camp, they were heading in. Meet him at the hospital. I started to babble that I was just kidding him,but he hung up before I could tell him I was only teasing. I got my keys, and my purse. Grabbed a 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper ( his favorite) as a peace offering, and headed north.

Now this is where you are going to find out just how much of a joker this guy of mine is. I met them on the road out of the woods about 20 minutes later. He was laying in the back of the truck and Homer Jr. was driving. I flagged them down and got out of the truck, with my Dr. Pepper peace offering, and a cup of ice. I got to the back of the bed of the truck, and he jumps up with foam all over his face. It is just boiling out of his mouth and he is slobbering all over the place. He yells at me," Get back woman, I am feeling like Old Yeller and I might just bite!" I was so shocked I just turned and ran, yelling at Homer Jr. to get back in the truck, and roll up the windows. By this time of course he has caught up with me, and grabs me from behind and twirls me around and gives me a big wet whopper of a kiss. Foam and all.

I just stood there. I mean what else would you do? I was for once in my life, in complete submission. Fear had won out on this occasion, then I tasted something kind of familiar. Alka Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine Cherry Flavor! That dirty, rotten, low down, foaming at the mouth, dispicable, lovable , silly, man of mine.

He knew I would be heading toward them, and decided to play me for all he was worth. He took an alka seltzer tablet and put it in his mouth with out water or anything. By the time I got on the scene he was almost dehyrated from the thing sucking all the moisture out of any place that held moisture in his body. But he got me good.

He didn't get a deer last year, after all that. But the trip wasn't a total loss, he doesn't have to have another rabies vaccination for 2 more months! hehehe..............

LOCKERRIDGE

 

 

 

• Pradeep
• Offline

Ha ha a funny story up there LOL I am still laughing and the picture you posted too is hillarious you are getting naughtier now a days poor homer, LOL

Monday September 25, 2006 - 08:05am (GST) Remove Comment

 

• Locke…
• Offline IM

Howdy Pd will be in gmail in a minute after I hit igloo and momma T.s. to comment, haven't typed to them today. I know once I start talking to you I won't get back for a while lol

Sunday September 24, 2006 - 11:20pm (CDT) Remove Comment

 

• Smile…
• Offline

Hehe...fun picture! Love it! Ooooow and I'm lovin' the blending of neon colors you've got going on over here. Trippy!
SmileyCat : )
Oh...saw yer site from Igloo's

Sunday September 24, 2006 - 11:02pm (PDT) Remove Comment

 

• JaeElle
• Offline IM

This story is sooooo funny!! Great story! Love the picture, too. It goes perfect with this funny story.

Sunday September 24, 2006 - 11:43pm (PDT) Remove Comment

 

• Iamig…
• Offline

Lol... oh my goodness! He got you good! Lol. Maybe Homer is not that much of a Homer after all :)

Ooo. The part about the chicken... maybe there is hope for the flightless water fowls after all!

Monday September 25, 2006 - 12:24am (PDT) Remove Comment

 

• musta…
• Offline

OMG I loved your story I laughed so hard the tears were running down my face and someone had to come to my office and check to make sure everything was ok
thanks for making monday worth it ROFL

Monday September 25, 2006 - 09:48am (CDT) Remove Comment

 

• ICEMAN
• Offline IM

Nowthat is what I call good,I mean Great!Kinda reminds me of a Romantic Comedy.But he really did get a Deer,only spelled,Dear,and thats you! I loved this one.

Monday September 25, 2006 - 07:48pm (EDT) Remove Comment

• STILL…
• Offline

Keep all these in a book "life with a Homer' lol keepers every one lol

Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 10:22am (CST) Remove Comment

 

• Cheer…
• Offline

This is so great.. Having a family of Deer Hunters
I was in stitches.. I run over here ever night on my way to bed to see the latest Homer Saga.. A good laugh always makes me feel better right before bedtime

Monday September 25, 2006 - 09:43pm (CDT) Remove Comment

 

• Momma…
• Offline

Boy Locke! All you have to do from now on is put Homer's name in the title and we'll all come running! My sides hurt from laughing! The pictures were great and the story is just too funny!! love you girl, hahahaha!!!

Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 02:03am (EDT) Remove Comment

 

• Locke…
• Offline IM

I am glad you all are enjoying mine and Homers love story. He is truly a really sweet and loving man. He and I get along like peanut butter and jelly. We sometimes cut the crust off the bread with a good old fashioned fight up at the locker corral, but not often enough to consider it anything but a clash of estrogen and testosterone on a particulary high stress day.

Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 04:52pm (CDT) Remove Comment

 

• Sakur…
• Offline

I'm so glad to have ventured on to your blog that I hope you don't mind. It was totally great!!

Tuesday September 26, 2006 - 12:43pm (HST) Remove Comment

 

THE DEER STAND PLAN .. A HOMER AND ME STORY.. DEER CAMP 2006

NOV.19, 2006 DEER CAMP 2006 HOMER'S DEER STAND PLAN

 

This photo above does not really depict the device in this story, built by my wonderful partner, but it does show his mentality when it comes to fabricating  something that just popped into his head. Something he is sure will be the biggest, bestest, most wonderfullest, thing since the red lense for hunting lights! hehe

This is the story of Homer's plans for his deer stand. His homemade deer stand. umm hummm. Yes, being the smart intelligent woman that I am, I do have this story to relate, but only second hand from Homer Jr.  I stayed at home as much as possible, seeing as we live in the age of (dang it) the cell phone, that was not nearly enough for me, but hey, what is a girl gona do? They call, they say please, we are totally melted, and we go. I blame estrogen replacement therapy, and Cosmopolitian magazine.

Anyway, when the thoughts of going to the deer woods loomed into Homer's mind about 2 months ago, he decides he needs a new deer stand. For those of you who do not know what one of those is, here is a brief description.

deer stand- a device usually made of metal and chain that a hunter with much muscle and less brain power huffs up into a tree to make a type of bench to sit on, and watch for unsuspecting deer to wander into their gun sites. Most usually they are hooked to the tree with a series of rings and clips. the rings are screwed into the tree and then clipped to hold the platform in place and to make a sturdy and safe place to sit. A saftey belt is usually a part of the make up of the platform to keep the hunter from falling. But, are usually discarded by the "real men" deerhunting types. This of course is the reason for so many deerhunters with broken arms, stiff backs, and bruised hineys. If this secret gets any futher than my readers, I am sure to be banned from all deer camps in the future. So I urge you to tell everyone you know and then take out an ad in the paper telling it like this ,  LOCKERRIDGE TELLS ALL, DEER STAND SECRETS ARE TOLD.  hehe

To purchase one of these hunting have to's, it is quite expensive, if you get the deluxe model with heated seat and rain roof, it can get ridiculously expensive. So Homer decides to build his own. He has a steel pile with a welder, cutting torch, and lots of welding rods of several different types and sizes. I am always impressed with his knowledge of putting two pieces of metal together and it sticks, I can't even get super glue to work on paper, my fingers, yeah, but paper, no. sigh. Anyway he sets about drawing up plans on my pc. (!!)  This caused quite a bit of controversy, with me being the winner. He has his own pc, given to him by me when I got tired of waiting to use the pc, and bought my Dell.  You notice the noun, my, that is just what it means, mine. He remembered I bite just in time! hehe

He managed to pull the plan together and spent much of the next 2 weekends building it. It was magnificient! all steel construction of wire mesh for the platform, chains for the support, rings welded and ground down smooth. No ragged edges, nothing to injure the bathed in sweat hunter. Except it weighs more than he does. This taken into consideration by Homer, he has devised a series of pullies and ropes to lift said wonderous invention to the height of the place on the oak , he has prechosen. um hummm..... someone has to get the ropes and pullies in place first.

So he and Homer Jr. start out the weekend before deer season opens to put said stand in place. He has a plan. Homer always has a plan. Or the plan has Homer, it is always a mystery till it is obvious. hehe

They get to the woods and haul this thing out about  three quarters of a mile up hill in the rain to this tree. This is a really cool tree, by the way,  an oak of some sort that has got to be so old Lincoln planted the seed. It is huge.

Now the good part... Homer Jr. is still trying to figure out why he is blessed with such a creative father and sweating profusely, when Homer gets out his spiked boots, yeah for deer hunters, they make spiked boots, sigh. Places his foot upon the tree and starts to climb like  guys who work for the electric company does on a utility pole. He gets half way up and hollers at Jr. to throw him the lines and pullies. Jr. complies, he catches them on the 5th try. Homer Jr. has a knot on his head, but they are successful.

He reaches the place he has chosen and wouldn't you know it, there are no limbs to hang the pullies from.   So he decides to huff the thing up there on his back, so down he goes to the ground. He has Jr. strap it to his back and up he goes again, after he falls back to the ground about 5 times. Jr. is watching this studiously, learning wise things.... hehe

Homer get up about 20 ft. and somehow or another his foot gets pulled loose from the tree. the chains on the deer stand wrap around him and the tree. Neatly.  He then loses contact with the other fool and flips upside down, hanging like a pully from a rope! hehe  He is turning red in the face, has no hope of getting out of this with out it leaving a mark, and can't speak, for the blood rushing to his head. His one brain cell is swelling and must be saved!

Jr. continues to watch and say hummm every once in while... to look like he knows what is happening. Homer finally finds his voice and says ,"Jr. help me!"

Jr. looks at him and says," Dad wasn't this a part of the plan?"

Homer, catches his breath, the one brain cell actually split into two cells and he started to laugh! Jr. starts to laugh. Picture it, if you can.   You have one idiot hanging upside down from a tree 20 ft in the air. Another smaller version of the larger idiot laughing on the ground, and I know the deer had to be hiding in the bushes laughing their little white tails off!  I mean this is so typical of the two of them. When  Homer has a plan, we must never deviate from the plan. The plan is his anchor to the ground it would seem, it must never be changed or moved. If we try to ad lib to the plan, the ground shakes with  the explosive , " What happened to the plan!" that erupts from the lower regions of Homers lungs.

So Jr. was just waiting for the plan to come together. I really never have got the straight story as to how they got him down. I probably don't want to know, and the Homer special deer stand has not been seen since. I figure the deer got it up in the tree and are using it to look out for the hunters who are drooling and chasing them mercilessly all over the woods right now. It is just one more thing to remember when you are living Life with Homer.

Never, ever deviate from the plan!

 

 

lockerridge