JANUARY 20, 2009 CAPTION IT!

JANUARY 20, 2009   CAPTION IT!

HI EVERYBODY!

 I AM IN A BLOG SLUMP...

SIGH..

 BUT I KEEP FINDING THESE
"PACKED WITH FUN POSSIBILITIES"
 PHOTOS! IN AN EFFORT  TO BEAT THE

 "I PAID 400 DOLLARS
 FOR 175 GALLONS
 OF BUTANE TODAY
 AND I AM STILL FREAKING COLD"

 BLUES

WHY DON'T WE PLAY WITH THEM FOR A BIT....
LAST ONE TO COMMENT IS... 

 UHHHHH...

SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY STINKY!

lockerridge

JANUARY 13, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED NINE ODE TO MY LITTLE TOE

JANUARY 13, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED NINE

ODE TO MY LITTLE TOE Rosiebeck's Challenge Tell us what part of your body that you like and why. Write which way you want - funny, tragic, gloatingly or just Thankful...:)

ODE TO MY LITTLE TOE
My littlest toe, has always been so cute. It is always pink and perky Too perfect to cover with a boot
But lately the piggy on the right foot
Has forgotten its way
It wants to go on vacation to town
Taking a different route
Making me yell
OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!
All the way there and home
The one on the left is still my friend I polish its nail again and again It is quiet, it does not groan So nice and helpful Never a moan
But the one on the right foot Won't allow me to cover it with a boot It has decided to travel a different route It is kind of twisty now.. not a bit cute
I still love my littlest toe..
 please understand But now that it is jealous of the piggy next to it Wanting to cross over it and discover new land I no longer think it is all that grand It has even changed its name
I am full of woe It is now called "hammer toe"
Oh what happened to the name "Billie"
Or even "Billie Joe Toe"
 Its nail looks just awful With polish all aglow
Showing itself to be wandering
Too and Fro
.Maybe if I were to get it a nail file too It would stop trying to run away Maybe it would not be so blue And maybe Just maybe...
It will mend its meandering ways
And spend its time with the file
Making me really smile...
Instead of hammering
the nerves in my entire foot And I would stop cussing it Cause helping it find its true course again

 Is gona cost a lot of loot!

Terri McCain/lockerridge

 For more challenges and stories click here UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP

lockerridge

JANUARY 12, 2009 A VIDEO JUST FOR THE DINGO IN ALL OF US

JANUARY 12, 2009 A VIDEO JUST FOR THE DINGO IN ALL OF US This video is for our DingoBlueFoot.
Whom is loved by all...
  funnier than freddie kruger...
and a fantastic friend to have!
 For you my friend.. Dingo
I give you now..
( I could not get it to take a code to stop auto play sorry!)

  I HATE NATURE..

Funny Videos


LONG LIVE THE DINGO!
lockerridge

JANUARY 11, 2009 THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF SEX IN 2009

       
JANUARY 11, 2009 THE DIFFERENT
 TYPES OF SEX
 IN 2009 I have stolen this from my friend Samantha's blog. I enjoyed it and wanted to share it with you all.. Thanks Samantha.. you post some of the best jokes I have ever heard!

  Pension Sex                   Two men were talking.  "So, how's your sex life?"         "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex."         "Pension sex?"         "Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
LOUD SEX   A wife went in to see a therapist and said, 'I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, He lets out this ear splitting yell.' 'My dear,' the  shrink said, 'that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.' 'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'
QUIET SEX Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife During a recent lovemaking session, 'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?' She glanced at him and replied, 'You're never home!'
     CONFOUNDED SEX   A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body . His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't   cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be...   $3,500 for 'small,$6,500 for 'medium,  and $14,000 for 'large.' The man was sure he would want a medium or large,
 but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. 'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor. The man sighing loudly responded.... 'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel
 on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary
 The husband yelled,
'When you die, I'm getting You a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." 'Yeah,' she  replies, 'when you die,
 I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."
  WOMAN'S HUMOROUS SEX     My husband came home with a tube
 of K Y jelly and said, 'This will make you happy tonight.'
He was right.    When he went out of the bedroom... I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
ELDERLY SEX One night,
an 87 year-old woman
came home from Bingo earlier than expected She found Her 92 year-old husband
in bed with another woman. She became violent
and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment,
 killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly,   'Yes, your honor.
 I figured that at 92, if he could have sex...  He could also fly."
LONG DISTANCE SEX Two men were standing at the lunch counter and one said.. "My wife and I are only having long distance sex now days." The other fellow said,
 "What in the world is long distance sex?
 How can that possibly work out?" The first guy says.." Oh, you know .. she stands at one end of the hall yelling
" Screw You"
and I stand at the other end of the hall
 and yell,
" Screw You Too".


        

lockerridge

JANUARY 8, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS WRITING GROUP CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT FOR EVERY NEW BEGINNING... ANOTHER BEGINNING ENDS

JANUARY 8, 2009

UNITED FRIENDS
 WRITING GROUP
 CHALLENGE NUMBER
 ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT

FOR EVERY NEW BEGINNING...
 ANOTHER BEGINNING ENDS

Lockerridge's Challenge
Write a story about a young girl or boy going on their first date.
Keep it light and sweet if at all possible

FOR EVERY NEW BEGINNING... ANOTHER BEGINNING ENDS...

 Rachel sat on the edge of her bed, hugging her stuffed Pink Panther she had received the year before last, on her 14th birthday. She had a small smile on her lips… the kind young girls get when they are on the verge of a new adventure. The kind of smile that can either turn into a full blown hormone induced hysteria... or the kind of smile that can turn into a giggle that never ends. Such is the personality of the typical 16 year old young woman on the afternoon of her very first date...
With a boy!
 In a car!
 By themselves!
She grabbed the telephone from its cradle and hit the number 1 on its speed dial and got a busy signal... she sighed loudly and placed the receiver back into its place thinking... “Sissy you are always on the phone!” (Usually with her… but that part of equation didn't click right then)  He had actually called her... Right there on that phone! She was never washing that phone again!  Brian had called her and asked her to go out to eat a hamburger at the local Sonic Drive In and see a movie  this very evening... and her Dad had said…
 YES!  Then a thought raced across her mind… making a complete and total attack of panic set in...  WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?  Rachel flew across the room to her closet and jerked open the door. Inside were literally dozens of shirts, jeans, slacks, dresses, and more shoes than 3 girls her age could ever wear. But at the moment it seemed to Rachel that there was absolutely nothing in there that she could possibly wear on an actual factual DATE!
What in the world could she possibly come up that would wow Brian and yet her father would let her out of the house wearing?  Back to the phone…
 No. 1 on the speed dial…
beep beep beep beep…
 sigh…
Then her brain kicked back into gear....
She hung up and immediately dialed... 0…
" Hello operator this number is busy and I have an emergency phone call to this number, that has to go through... please... oh please… break into the line and let me get through!"  Within seconds her best friends voice was heard telling the operator she would take the emergency call … and then the words flew out of Rachel’s mouth and the squeals of  pure joy vibrated over the line to the beat of young womens' hearts… spreading the joyous good news of a first date.
She needed Sissies help right away on the issue of what to wear and of course the only way this could be handled correctly, was with hands on help.
 Sissies brother was given the chore of delivering her to Rachel’s house in the family station wagon.
 This was accomplished by taking all back streets, with her brother wearing his father’s hat and coat, and Sissy placed into the back floor board with the threat of brotherly retribution if she allowed herself to be seen above the seat at any time during the drive.
Brothers are such buttheads at times... but it got the job done so she was not put out with him… much...  Sissy opened the car door and did a kind of jump as her brother slowed down in front of Rachel’s house.
 He didn't completely stop you understand.
Brothers...
 Whomever survived living with them without permanent scaring before they left home, was a miracle walking according to the book,
 " SURVIVAL TIPS FOR THE LITTLE SISTER"
  she had received as a gift at Christmas.
 This book spoke volumes in truth, and gave her much insight in how to get what she wanted out of the jerk
 To her brothers’ total confusion usually, which also delighted the young girl to no end!  She bounded up the porch steps of Rachels’ house and rapped on the front door with a happy knock.
 Rachel’s father yelled from the back of the house to come on in, and  dragging her suitcase full of clothes, shoes, and makeup behind her she bounced into the living room.

 Rachels’ Mom had passed away when she was just a little girl and so the house didn't have much of the "Be Careful In Here", feel and look of her own home, which Sissy preferred hands down. 
That and the big screen television and pizza delivery at least three times a week, were some of the greatest advantages of having Rachel for a best friend  .“She’s upstairs Sissy, having a full blown panic attack.”  Rachels’ Dad yelled out at her.
“Okay, thanks Mr. Biggers!” Sissy yelled back.  Once upstairs the trail of clothes started at the bathroom door and led the way to Rachels’ room. Sissy chuckled to herself as she picked them up on her way to her best friends’ room.
 She opened the door and there stood Rachel...
 Hair up in a towel...
 Too much makeup on her eyes
 Wearing a plaid sweater over a polka dot turtle neck,
 and a  pair of the worst looking purple silk pajama bottoms she had ever seen in her life.
 She grinned at her friend, and began singing ...
 “Here I Am To Save the Day”
in her best Mighty Mouse imitation.
 Rachel collapsed on the bed in giggles and said,
 “If anyone needed saving, it’s me right now!”  Two hours later and enough clothes changes to chap skin, the door bell rang. Standing on the other side of the screen door was the object that had caused all this need for panic and help.
Brian McAvery.
The dream of any young woman in her 16th year. He was blonde, blue eyed, and had a dimple in his left cheek when he smiled, and above all these excellent physical attributes... he was nice too!
 The fact that he had his own pickup truck and a job at the local supermarket as a grocery sacker, went a long way in making him the upper most sought after male, of the upper mostest sought after males, in her grade at school.  Sissy hid behind a plant on the upstairs landing and watched her friend descend the staircase much as Scarlet 'O Hara in "Gone with the Wind" must have done on her first date with Rhett Butler.
 Tears sprang to her eyes and it was all she could do not to sob her love for her friend out loud right there behind the ficus tree.
 It was just so, so, so...
Oh! It was just sooo fantastic!  Brian and Mr. Biggers had shook hands and were discussing when it would be the best time for Rachel to return home. Brian looked as red in the face as a shiny apple, and Rachel had the biggest stars in her eyes anyone had ever seen.
Brian looked at her, and caught his breath… she was so pretty tonight.
Heck, she was pretty all the time, but tonight she looked extra special for sure! He still couldn't believe his good luck, when she had wanted to go with him tonight. Brian and Rachel walked out to the truck and Brian opened her door for her and tucked her inside before going to his side of the truck and climbing in. He started the motor and suddenly they were nothing more than a puff of dust in the evening sunshine.  Sissy came down the staircase with a sniffle and Mr. Biggers wiped a moist eye. Then he and Sissy hugged each other and Mr. Biggers said,” Well I knew the day was coming, when she would stop being a little girl, but it sneaked up on me, and now I just can't believe that you girls are almost grown up ladies.”
Sissy smiled and said,” Would you have wanted it any other way Mr. Biggers?”
He smiled a misty smile, and looked over Sissies’ shoulder, where on the mantle sat the photograph of his late wife, and said,” No, I sure would not have it any other way Sissy... I surely would not.”  They walked into the living room and turned on the big screen TV, and he ordered a pizza delivered.

Neither saw the spark of light that bounced from the mantle, nor did they see the wink ,that momentarily appeared on the lovely young womans' image that was held in the frame there.
EVERY NEW BEGINNING
COMES FROM
SOME OTHER BEGINNINGS END.

THE END
  Terri McCain/lockerridge
For more stories and poems click here UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP

lockerridge

JANUARY 6, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN TRYING TO MEET THE CHALLENGE

JANUARY 6, 2009

UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN....

TRYING TO MEET THE CHALLENGE
 Sunshineatmidnight's Challenge:
  React/Respond to the question/topic -
What is the meaning/purpose of life?

I have thought about this quite a lot in the past ten years or so.
 I have watched so many of the people closest to me work so hard.. till they had no thought or time for anything but their goal .. no matter what that goal might be.. from simply managing to bring home a paycheck each week.. to trying to build a company from the ground up to be one of the greatest in the country.
I have seen them put off going on vacations.. doing anything that was remotely relaxing or fun.. because they were saving up their money for their retirement.
They lived and worked their entire lives for the days when they could take all the gains from their sacrifice of time in the prime of their lives and relax finally and do all those things they dreamed of doing all their lives.
I grew up in a home that was always filled with love and kindness.. taking responsibility for making our own way and helping others along the way, was our main theme.
 All of the years that my parents worked and saved.. never taking anything much for pleasure for themselves..  looking to the years when it was just the two of them.. to enjoy what their hard work had gained for them.. was for nothing when my mother became ill at age 46 with Lupus.
My father developed Emphysema and had to stop working at age 59. They were too sick to do anything they wanted to do then. Their lives revolved around doctors visits and medications.. oxygen bottles.. and ultimately.. everything they had saved and the home they had paid for .. is now mine.
 An uncle who was two weeks away from his retirement party.. he and his wife had their fifth wheel travel trailer already packed .. ready to head out on a year long tour of the USA.

 He dropped dead of a heart attack two weeks before his retirement party..

 All they had waited to do .. all that they had sacrificed to be able to do in their later years.. now belongs to their daughter and son.

 An aunt who was nothing but her work.. long long long hours.. worked from a line worker all the way to the head of a department and took early retirement at age 60 because she developed carpal tunnel syndrome.. she had the surgeries.. but that was not the real problem.

 She had a terrible disease called sclerderma...

 I held her plastic like body when she breathed her last.. one year after retirement.

All that she had worked and saved for .. is now her sons.

My own life is a testimony that no matter what your plan is.. no matter how hard you try.. it can be gone in an instant and what was the meaning to it all? It is all gone now, like a puff of hot wind.
The reason we do this is because this is what gives our lives meaning.
 It is the job God gave us at the beginning of our creation. We are to tend His world and His creatures.
 We are to be good stewards of all that He created.
 We are to be companionship for Him.
 We are to multiply our numbers and teach the young this duty we have been given by the Almighty.
That is our job.
This is the meaning of our lives.
Our greatest mistake is to forget whom this world really belongs to. It is not ours.. It is Gods.
It is mankind's' fault that there is death in the world today. Pain and suffering. Inequality, lack, and seemingly wasted effort.
 It was not so in the beginning. The nature of mankind brought the things which confound us, and cause us to ask, " WHAT IS IT ALL FOR?"
I will sum this up by telling you this little tale from a day spent at the cemetery, smoothing my fathers new grave into something that could be mowed. I was by myself, and feeling so lonely for just a little visit with my Daddy.

I talked to him the entire four hours I was there working. It was something he and I did well. Work and talk, getting work done and enjoying our time together.
I finished up and put all the tools into the back of his old truck.. got in and said, " Well Dad, if you can, would you give me a little hint as to what I should be doing with my life?"

  I said, " I am gona start up Buford ( the name I call dads old truck) and turn on the radio.. and if you can, play me a song ..  maybe you could talk back to me that way."
I turned the key.. the truck started..
I turned on the radio and Tim McGraw sang
" Live Like You Were Dying" to me.
 I thanked Daddy and I thanked God for allowing me to have the hint.. and then I went home and to this day..

 I can't think of one thing I want to do .. that should wait until I am 65 years old to do.

  The meaning of life...
IS TO LIVE THEM

Retirement age is something I have never read about in the Bible. The word retirement is not in there.
When you reach the age when your not able to be the steward of the earth... it is usually time to go to our home with God.
 What ever He has for me to do for Him when I get there.. only God knows that, best just let that question alone, it will drive you out of your mind. Don't make the mistake of putting off living till later..

That is the Real Purpose of Our Lives...

To Live Them.

  

Tim McGraw ... Live Like You Were Dying



For More Stories and Challenges Click Here
UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP

lockerridge

JANUARY 5, 2009 GETTIN' OLD...

JANUARY 5, 2009

GETTIN' OLD...

When, after a long illness a man passed away, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

 No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover, rather than the big shit he always was."

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the older lady overboard.

 They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the gentleman back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

 Three weeks went by and finally the older man got a fax from the boat.
 It read:

 "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan!!

 They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

 As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out,

 " Stay Away From That Wall!"

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes..

The lady became very nervous and fretted, worrying her question had offended her friend... .

Then finally her friend said,
"How soon do you need to know?"

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and, then makes love to me for half the afternoon."

I said, "Well my goodness, why in the world are you crying?"

Without seeming to notice I was there she blubbered,
"For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine, and my favorite dessert, and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

I said, " Now you must really tell me, why in the world would you be crying?"

She sobbed loudly, "I can't remember where I live!"

lockerridge

JANUARY 2, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED SIX ... THE LOCKERRIDGE 2008 WRAP UP OF LIFE EVENTS, LESSONS LEARNED, AND FUTURE GOALS

JANUARY 2, 2009

UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED SIX THE LOCKERRIDGE 2008 WRAP UP OF LIFE EVENTS,  LESSONS LEARNED, AND FUTURE GOALS Ladyharley's Challenge Happy 2009 everyone! Here's your 1st challenge of the year.Write a "Dear Friends & Family" letter to recap YOUR 2008... The challenge though is to make it about the good things... & To write it in story or poem format. (NON-FICTION, please.) If it helps, use a theme. A theme type is only a suggestion, not a requirement in this challenge. Also, if you feel the need to share about something adverse... try to put a positive spin on it
THE LOCKERRIDGE 2008 WRAP UP OF LIFE EVENTS, LESSONS LEARNED AND FUTURE GOALS It is truly amazing, but I have little trouble putting a positive spin on the year of 2008, not because it was not a year of much turmoil and upheaval worldwide.. but because it was a year that I did not have an event which turned my world upside down.  Changes which shock the emotions and permanently change my way of daily life, and ultimately my personality or outlook on life in general. I did not lose a close friend or family member in the year 2008. I did not have to give up on a business or project, because it was just not something I could handle by myself. I did not have to worry about having a roof over my head and food to eat. I did not have any one treat me in a way that altered my view of human kind in general, all those illusions of people being basically unselfish and loving me if I loved them, were gone many years ago.. so no alterations there.. the lessons learned were not even in use very much this year. Health wise, I only had two bouts of flu in 2008. Nothing else in my health to worry me or anyone else in my friends and family to speak of. ( knock on wood) I have had several epiphanies though... Whew! I learned that some people are very weak people. I learned that I do not have to take on responsibility for something which is not my problem. In other words.. don't allow others problems to be dumped into my lap for me to fix for them. Especially if the person with the problem, is doing nothing to help with the fixing. An enabler of lack of someones own personal responsibility, and self respect ( lazy butts) , I will no longer be!   I learned that if I want something done.. do it myself.. waiting on someone else to do it, even if they said they would,  is an act in futility. If I want it done.. then I must be the one to get it done. I don't throw that responsibility on anyone elses' shoulders. If it is my problem,  then I must be at least a small part of the solution. I learned this by the dumping problems in my lap epiphany.. I finally got off my ever enlarging duff, and got busy remodeling my Moms' house so I can move into it. I almost waited too late for this to get off the ground. As it is I think the mobile home I am living in at the moment, will have to become a rent income for me instead of simply selling it. No more mortgage money for real houses, let alone a mobile home.. sigh.. live and learn. In the year 2008 I learned that just because someone is blood related to you.. and they do love you.. does not mean they necessarily want to be around you. Nor does this mean they will help you in the event you might need help. I do not have many family members left which live near me, and the ones who do... Well let us just say... I learned sometimes people just are not compatible, even if they are related. No fighting, or ill feelings. Just the knowledge that we are very very different in our way of living, and the two shall not twain.. ever! I learned that the young people we have in this generation, the ones who have graduated high school and up to their mid twenties are still just as dumb as we were when we were that age. This knowledge came to me by way of,  a 17 year old unmarried female cousin, who is  6 months pregnant. The reason she gives for this happening is, the babies father,  just would not let her alone so she could go to sleep... So the result of her needing rest... Is a baby.  She also is refusing to marry the babies father because she does not LOVE him.  "HELLO!".. you had sex with the guy.. and you did not love him????? You just wanted him to leave you alone so you could sleep, and gave in? MY Daddy is rolling over in his grave about now!
She has moved back in with her Dad and he is taking care of everything for them.
 I can hardly contain my joy over this maturity shown by our next generation. Through this bit of knowledge and wisdom gained, served to reinforce my belief  that evolution is garbage on a paper plate.. no way is the human race evolving into something better.  Parents need to get into some kind of educational involvement with their kids again, and the most important thing. Cancel all sex education courses in our schools. They are teaching girls that giving in to a boy is okay if they are tired and just want to go to sleep, and that even if Dad can't take care of them and their child.. Uncle Sam is always there to lend a hand... Of course doing this basically gives the government control over how you are raising your child and if a social worker says your not doing very good, they just take the child away,
 and give it to foster parents who know better how to do that than the biological parents do.  Foster parenting is a noble thing to do, for any person with that much love to give freely to kids, but as with anything, that is not always the case, and the children are the ones who suffer the system corruption.
But once again with a positive outlook on things, I will have a new baby to hug and cuddle and snuggle in around three months time, and that is a gooood thing!
 Nothing makes you feel more alive and capable of moving mountains, than when you hold a new born baby.. nothing! I have also had an epiphany lately of needing to recognize the things which surround me in my life. Things that have made it possible for so many other things to happen world wide that are good things.. miracles actually. The things which reaffirm that mankind is always working, always striving, always pushing the edge of our known existence to improve it. Some of them are included here, on this list of things I need to notice and not take for granted... Like the fact that I am able to go to a store and buy strawberries and tomatoes in January... no small feat that! The miracle of the telephone, and the communications that we take for granted, that allow communication with the other side of the world, in a mere second of time. My frost free refrigerator, my self cleaning oven.. my Maytag washing machine and SmartSense dryer and most of all.. my microwave. . The moving pictures and sound on my television set which are only waves of energy in the air till a machine made by another human being enables them to be caught and translated into the movie I am watching.
The cell phone, I have never known this much enabling in my entire life. I have no fear of taking off in my vehicle alone, for most anywhere I feel like going. The cell phone puts my mind at ease about most any problem I could face.. with help just a phone call away. The machines which only count the numbers one and zero, this machine called a computer, I am using at this moment, to communicate with a person hundreds if not thousands of miles from me.. in a matter of seconds. The machines that they have which allow a premature baby to live and grow and thrive outside its mothers womb..  Heart transplants, cornea transplants, liver transplants, kidney transplants...  All are miracles which God has given us through the intelligence of other human beings with a desire and a drive to make things better.  And I do not even think about them. I don't give thanks for them. I just pass over them if they do not apply to my life at the moment.  It seems mostly instead of seeing the blessings,
I just gripe cause they can't cure the common cold.  It is something in me that is selfish behavior, and I need to change that... So never considering the genius and blessing, in the intelligence it took to send a person to the moon and receive them back unharmed, is something which I am going to try to change about myself in the year 2009. I also have decided that I am over the age when gaining decent employment is easy... or at least it is harder than at age 25 lets say, so I need a skill that would be of great demand right now. This decided.. I am going to learn to speak Spanish this year of 2009.
Sounds easy when you say it huh? lol.. Via Con Dios,
Mi Amigos
 Adios!  For More Stories and Challenges Use The Link Below
UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP
lockerridge

DECEMBER 31, 2008 HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRIENDS!

DECEMBER 31, 2008   HAPPY NEW YEAR
 MY FRIENDS!

HERE'S TO THE COMING NEW YEAR!
MAY IT BE FULL OF JOY AND PROSPERITY AND EMPTY OF PAIN AND LACK...
 MAY ALL YOUR LOVED ONES BE HAPPY, HEALTHY, WELL FED, AND WARM...
ALL OF YOUR DAYS
FULL OF PRODUCTIVITY
 AND
YOUR NIGHTS FILLED
 WITH FAMILY, LOVE AND SECURITY..

WELCOME 2009!

THE YEAR OF
THE LORD COMING FIRST
 IN ALL OUR DECISIONS TO BE MADE
BRINGING
 STRENGTH AND STABILITY
 BACK TO

 THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!



hiccup... excuse me!
heheheheeeeee
YYYYEEEEHHHAAAWWW BABBY!


lockerridge

DECEMBER 24, 2008 I HAVE BEATEN THE GREMLINS ! YEEEHAAAWWWW! IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

DECEMBER 24, 2008
I HAVE BEATEN
 THE GREMLINS !


YEEEHAAAWWWW!
 IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! Howdy! Howdy! Howdy!
If you read my December 17th blog about the medical clinic and their statements to me about a balance I did not owe ... and sympathized with me.. and had similar experiences yourself..
ALL IS NOT LOST MY FRIENDS!!
I am here to tell you all is not lost in this world of computers and our money!
Yeeehaaawww!!
I received this email this morning from the clinic that was trying to get more money from me from a visit I made back in February of this  year.. and I must say..

 IT IS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE MY FRIENDS!!
IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED I AM NOT AN IDIOT OR A DEADBEAT.. IT CONTAINS THE WORLDS....
 " YOU ARE CORRECT!" 
"THEY HAVE NEGLECTED"   " .....
 " YOU DO NOT OWE THIS AMOUNT"....

YEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAWWWWW!

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SEE THE DAY!!!!
 READ THESE WORDS MY FRIENDS..
YOU MAY NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN IN YOUR LIFETIME!...

Terri,

 Thank you for your response to the statement.  You are correct you do not owe this amount.  It appears when your payment was added to the computer they neglected to enter the discount adjustment of 14.20 that you were given as a courtesy for payment at the time of visit.  I apologize on behalf of the clinic for any problem this may have caused you. Merry Christmas.

   Kristy Keck
 Complete Medical Solutions
 xxx-xxx-xxxx, ext. xx

THIS IS A MOMENTOUS DAY IN THE DAYS OF MAN AND WOMAN KIND!!
GET OUT THE FOLGERS SPECIAL ROAST..
 AND TOAST THIS VICTORY OF YOUR VERY OWN... LOCKERRIDGE~!!!!!

YEEEEEEEE HHHHHHHHAAAAAWWWWW  BABBBBBYYY! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS
 AND
MAY YOU HAVE
 A HAPPY
 AND
 " YOU DO NOT OWE"
NEW YEAR!!

        

lockerridge

DECEMBER 23, 2008 THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW!

DECEMBER 23, 2008 
THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW!

Since so many people are traveling across the country in the USA, to celebrate Christmas Holidays with family and friends.. I thought now would be good time for me to post this list of laws that might pertain to the state you are visiting. You wouldn't want to end up spending Christmas Day with Lester the Animal Molester in the cross bar motel... No need to thank me.. it is all for my friends dontcha know.. NOTHING IS TOO GOOD FOR "MY" FRIENDS.. ( well the jury is still out on this one about Wile..)

SILLY LAWS
Arkansas     * The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. Canada     * In Calgary there is a by-law that is still on the books that requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses. California     * In 1930, the City Council of Ontario passed an ordinance forbidding roosters to crow within the city limits.   
* In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.   
* It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.   
* In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. 
  * In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Colorado     * In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor. Connecticut     * In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.  
 * In Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. England     * In the England it is illegal to sell most goods on a sunday,  It is however legal to sell a carrot. It is also legal to sell it at any price and to give free gifts with it, such as anything else one might want to buy on a Sunday! Florida     * In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Georgia     * It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia. Idaho     * Idaho state law makes it illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.    * In Pocatello, Idaho, a law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view." Illinois     * It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.  
 * Kirkland, Illinois, law forbids bees to fly over the village or through any of its streets.  
 * In Zion, Ill., it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets. Indiana     * Back in 1924, a monkey was convicted in South Bend of the crime of smoking a cigarette and sentenced to pay a 25 dollar fine and the trial costs.
   * In Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic. Iowa     * Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.  
 * In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted." Kansas     * Kansas state law requires pedestrians crossing the highways at night to wear tail lights. 
  * No one may catch fish with his bare hands in Kansas. Kentucky     * Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.  
 * In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.   
* A Kentucky statute says: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." Later, an amendment proposed: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses." Massachusetts     * There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the month of April. 
  * It is illegal to take more than 2 baths a month within Boston confines. Michigan     * In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
   * In Detroit, couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property. 
  * In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission. Missouri     * Minors in Kansas City, Missouri, are not allowed to purchase cap pistols; they may buy shotguns freely, however.  
 * In St. Louis, it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. New Hampshire     * New Hampshire law forbids you to tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe. New Mexico     * In Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face). New York     * In Greene, New York, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks when a concert is on. 
  * In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. Ohio     * In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.   
* In Bexley, Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.  
 * In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. Oklahoma     * In Tulsa, Oklahoma, it is against the law to open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer. 
  * Harthahorne City Ordinance, Section 363, states that it shall be unlawful to put any hypnotized person in a display window. Pennsylvania     * The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.  
 * In certain sections of Pennsylvania many years ago, the Farmer's Anti-Automobile society set up some "rules of the road."
In effect, they said:
1. "Automobiles traveling on country roads at night must send up a rocket every mile, then wait ten minutes for the road to clear."   
     2. "If a driver sees a team of horses, he is to pull to one side of the road and cover his machine with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted to blend into the scenery."  
  3. "In the event that a horse refuses to pass a car on the road, the owner must take his car apart and conceal the parts in the bushes."  
 * In Pennsylvania, "any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue." Tennessee     * In Memphis, Tennessee, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.  
 * In Tennessee, it is illegal to shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile. Texas     * It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. 
  * Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession. Utah     * It is against the law to fish from horseback. Virginia     * Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the yard. Washington     * In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length. 
  * It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.    West Virginia     * In Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service.


TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS ...
 THIS IS MY MOST FERVENT WISH FOR YOU ALL..
THAT THE LORD BLESS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU WITH A SAFE
 AND

graphics for my blog provided by glitter-graphics.com



lockerridge    

DECEMBER 22, 2008 UNITED FRIEND CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED THREE.... DEAR SANTA..

DECEMBER 22, 2008 UNITED FRIEND CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED THREE....
DEAR SANTA.. Ladyharley's Challenge It's almost that time... Have you written YOUR letter to Santa yet? The challenge is to write a letter to a Santa (or Father Christmas or whomever your childhood "Santa persona" was)... & write it in a child's point of view.... HOWEVER... for the gifts YOU would like THIS Christmas. Make it fun. Feel free to include pictures. Dear Santa, Hi! Its just me again! How are you doing Santa? Did you finally get Mrs. Santa to give you some real food and get off that Atkins diet thing you were on? She did have a point.. she got real upset when they had to use the jaws of life to get you out of the sleigh last year when you got home from giving out your toys and eating all that stuff that is not real healthy for you to eat. Well anyway, I don't know how good I have been this year.. about usual good I suppose.. I didn't change much this year and I always got in on your list .. so I guess I am good to go one more time.. it was kind of iffy there when I lost Dad's cell phone and we never did find it.. I dunno where it went.. I was just using it to take pictures of the toilet WATER GOING DOWN THE DRAIN, when I flushed it.. and I laid it down somewhere, next thing I know, when the plumber came over cause the toilet backed up and put some really nasty stuff all in the bathroom floor... Dad was talking to him.. and then he slapped his head and said." This is sad.. but I really should have expected it.. she was wondering how fish breath under water and tried it herself last week, do you know anyone who would like to buy a used aquarium.. and some dead fish?" Huh.. wonder if they were talking about me? hehehee.. I dunno I am getting a present from my gamma Irene early this Christmas and she said it will last until next Christmas! She is coming to live with us for a whole year! Yeah! My Mom has mentioned two things she would like to have this year and my Dad has a lot of them.. and I can't remember them all.. but Mom wants a softball and some duct tape.. so she can tape the ball over Daddy's mouth when he and grandma Irene start to shout at each other.. and Daddy wants a roll of duct tape and some ear plugs.. for when Grandma Irene.. starts in on him about how he doesn't do stuff right.. I think they are kind of silly gifts to want, but that is what they said.. sigh.. I would like for me this year one real big thing.. real big.. really really big.. I would like for this year to be my best year yet! I want to learn something wonderful and be able to do something with that learning that will make me some money.. so I can start saving up for whatever I might need in the future.. I also would like a St. Christopher medal and a gold chain to put it on. And I want one more thing Santa.. I would like to have a new house dog. You know how my best dog friend.. well he got old last January and he had to go and live with God and wait for me to get there.. and I have one dog outside and she is my good friend.. but I sure would like to have a friend who is little and snugly and loves me best again.. so maybe you might could find me another Westie like my Mike dog.. well he might look a lot like him.. but I know it won't be Mike.. but that is okay.. I will see him again. .. I know that for sure. Well I am out of things to talk about.. so bye.. oh yeah.. Mom said we won't leave out cookies this year.. she said rice cakes would be better for you.. and green tea instead of milk.. Hey.. don't look at me.. she is the one who buys the groceries.. and watches Dr. Phil.. I am just along for the chewing gum they give kids at the bank.. all my love terri FOR MORE CHALLENGES AND STORIES CLICK THIS LINK UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP

lockerridge

DECEMBER 21, 2008 ATTACK OF THE EVIL MUTANT NINJA SQUIRREL OF DEATH

DECEMBER 21, 2008  ATTACK  OF THE
 EVIL MUTANT NINJA SQUIRREL OF DEATH

The following is told as a true story by a fireman in a city in America. I have taken the liberty of editing it somewhat to my own way of telling a story.. but the basic story has remained intact and not changed at all by my editing.. I think you are going to enjoy this little story of a fireman who met the devil in the body of a common red squirrel one sunny afternoon in the suburbs.

ATTACK  OF THE EVIL MUTANT NINJA SQUIRREL OF DEATH I have a love in my life.. it is my motorcycle.. its a Harley.. need I say more?I enjoy cruising around the neighborhoods ... just me and my Harley... Enjoying the flowers and little animals that bark, meow, and hunt for nuts or acorns to eat.. I do this on a regular basis.. especially in the summer time.. until.. I was faced with the evilness that lurks within the hearts of the common red squirrel.. Cruising down a street in my neighborhood one fine sunny afternoon, I met a really slow moving car with a couple little ole ladies inside it probably talking about knitting or something like that.. As I passed this oncoming car, a brown, furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close. I hate to run over animals and I really hate it on a motorcycle ( it can be extremely messy) but a squirrel should pose no danger.  ANIMAL LOVERS... NEVER FEAR.. . Squirrels, I discovered, possess strange abnormal evil powers of ninja cunning and skill.. and this one happened to be really pissed off.. at ME!! Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Harley with "Die Human Scum" clearly written in his beady little eyes. His mouth opened and at the last possible second, he screamed and le apt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Banzai!" or maybe, "Time to Die Human Scum!" The leap was nothing short of impossible for a human.. let alone a squirrel! He shot straight up, flew over my windshield and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly I knew what it feels like to be attacked by an animal with no fear of retribution from the human it was completely shredding with teeth and claws.. Snarling, hissing and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy ... determined to bring me down .. . As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves and jeans this was completely out of the question .. it had to stop.. and I mean now it had to stop! Now close your eyes and picture this if you can.. Picture a large man on a very large bike, dressed in jeans, aT-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street ... engaged in the  fight of his life ... with a squirrel. And losing... I grabbed for him with my left hand. Missed!I grabbed again..Missed again..I grabbed further..Aha! Got his tail.. and.. With all my strength, I flung the evil demon from my chest and  off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I was flung back hard from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristine kept yards and gone on about his business.. gathering nuts and making a home with a girl squirrel..  and I could have headed home, and never said a word to anyone about the experience.. . No one would have been the wiser. But folks this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even your run of the mill pissed off squirrel .This was......
 TERRORIST EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH! Somehow, and I have never figured out how he managed it,  he had caught my gloved finger with one of his little paws....Not only had he not been flung off into a yard.. the power of the recoil from the fling had swung him around and with amazing force of impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and once again with great passion proceeded to chew my shirt and then skin into a shredded mess!
He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation had become even worse than before .. I started to lose all thought processes except getting loose from this demon spawn of a rodent with a long bushy tail.  Especially since the combination of the force of the throw, only having the throttle hand on the handlebars and my jerking back, fighting Evil Ninja Squirrel.. forced  a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. When your driving a Harley.. you should know this about twisting the throttle handle at any time.. any time at all.. it results in ... TORQUE!  The engine screamed "ALLLRIGHT!"  and the front wheel left the pavement. This action caused the squirrel to scream.. in major squirrel pissed offedness, and me to scream in.. uh.. ... well, I just plain screamed. Once again close your eyes and picture this picture if you can. Large man on a large bike, riding a wheelie, at 50 mph.. and accelerating.. ,dressed in jeans, a bloody squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove,  with a Evil Mutant Ninja of all Demonic squirrels attacking him on his back and neck.. just anywhere it could get a tooth or claw to rip something .. . The man and the squirrel are both screaming very, very loudly. When the bike accelerated and the wheelie began its accent.. I had to try to figure out how to get my hand on the brake and apply it.. but I had a problem with that ..  I could not figure out how to release the throttle... my brain was just simply overloaded. My brain allowed me to mash on the back brake somewhat.. but with the other hand still giving it gas.. it had little effect on the spectacular wheelie I was performing..  About this time the squirrel decided that I was not taking him seriously enough.. and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity.Which had the effect of making the squirrel figure he was winning and he increased the hissing and biting quality to the maximum I am sure in allowable by any Mutant Ninja Squirrel Attack Training.  Since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment, the RPMs on the bike maxed out, and Saints be Praised.. the front wheel started to drop back down to the pavement . Once again close your eyes and picture this if you can. . Large man on a big bike, dressed in jeans, wearing a bloody squirrel destroyed t shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring down a residential street , still on one wheel, at approximately 80 mph by now..  with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed face mask of his helmet.Screaming hoarsely ... and very loudly! Finally my basic survival instincts kicked in and I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could! Aha! Take that you evil little sack of..  .. breathing hard and wiping squirrel spit from my eyes.. And this should end this tale of rodent evilness.. but .. .Last time.. close your eyes and picture this if you can.. New Scene.. same street.. same suburban neighborhood. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street, and since it is such a nice day you roll your windows down.You begin doing the paperwork you pulled off and parked to do when..  Suddenly... A large man on a huge Harley, dressed in jeans, the collar left on a tshirt and the rest is flapping in the breeze,  wearing only one leather glove, riding a wheelie at almost 80mph, screaming hoarsely something that sounds like a foreign language..    comes roaring past your cop car, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel who had been possessed by the devil into your window. I could hear someone screaming..
and I don't think it was me!




lockerridge