MARCH 5, 2009 I NEED A PLAN PEOPLE.. CAN YA HELP A WOMAN OUT?

MARCH 5, 2009   THE WATERMELON GROWING EVIL NEIGHBOR IS BACK IN FULLY INSANE MODE AGAIN.. NEED A PLAN PEOPLE.. CAN YA HELP A WOMAN OUT? The above photo is the image of a field of about 4 acres maximum, that is located approx. 150 ft. from my front door, across the country road that runs between the two pieces of property. A gentleman of a few more years of age than myself, has decided that this property, which is also located within spitting distance of a new housing edition of some pretty expensive homes.. would grow the most lovely watermelons in the entire world . He owns a Ford tractor and every known implement made by the Ford tractor manufacturers to attach to the back of this tractor and till up this four acres of extraordinary melon growing soil..  For two years now he has decided to start early in the year preparing this lovely spot of earth, for planting of the watermelons of excellence,  with first burning off the entire 4 acres.This of course took place on a gusty day, when we have a burn ban blaring out of every newspaper in the tri county area..   ( The country cops which live next door to me and right across the road from this excellent farmer.. apparently didn't see any need for alarm in this.. but when it is drizzling rain .. and my loving Homer sprayed diesel onto the briar's in the fence row.. and no flames were present.. decides to call the fire department on me..)   ( note to self.. find out how melon growing man gets the pay offs to the county cops.. then intercept payments and hope he shoots the melon growing neighbor for lack of payment)    I thought I would capture the excellent melon growing farmer in his work of much time consuming and loud banging.. clanging.. and just the roar of the tractor.. for hours and hours and hours on end..so you all can say this fall .. when he appears on The Today Morning Show.. having obtained the honor of Mr. Watermelon 2009..

"HEY I KNOW THAT DUDE!"  The roar is so loud when he reaches the end of the row he is tilling, plowing, discing, or just driving over in glee of anticipation.. I can't hear my television, my radio, my friends, my own thoughts.. but.. I am not one to ripple the pleasant aura of peace in my small neighborhood.. no not me.. not Lockie.. oh no.. I hold my tongue in my cheek until it has permanently grown there.. I now talk .. but no one understands me.. at least that is the excuse I am using when I get off on a rant about this subject and people start skulking away.. smiling.. which is a dead giveaway.. they did not understand me.. or I am sputtering spit all over them...   cowards.... The man started on February1, 2009.... preparing for a crop he can't plant until the middle of April.. Last year he planted them three times.. yes.. count them with me children.. three times.. Why you might ask? He planted his hills of watermelon seed and it rained so much.. they all washed away.. So,,, he planted them again.. and the mice ate them because there was nothing else out there to eat!  He has broken up all of the ground except the yard of the house.. he does not rent out or live in..
 He places a long metal folding table out in front of the house in the summer and places little packets of produce he has packaged in old bread sacks..( what other poor person he is torturing with the plot of ground he uses to grow squash, tomatoes, okra, and cucumbers is unknown to me at this time)  into piles on this table and puts a metal box with around 3 dollars in coins in it onto the table near a sign which reads..
"ALL SACKS 2.50... PUT YOUR MONEY IN THE BOX AND GET CHANGE IF YOU  IT CAN BE MADE FROM WHAT IS IN THE BOX..
.. SERVE YOURSELF"

And the guy cleans up! .... sigh..  If I did that .. either the stuff would rot before anyone stopped, or I would get ripped off so bad I would have to take out a loan to pay off the cop! But this is not the end of the story.. not by a long shot.. as you can see his weeks and weeks of working this ground into a fine powder, has been very productive.. but now the March winds are blowing .. usually from the north to the south.. Yeah.. my house runs east and west.. so now I have at least an inch of dirt that sifts into every hairline opening my home has in its windows. If you plan on going to the mailbox.. I put on one of those white doctors masks.. he has seen me.. but no reaction .. none.. whatsofreaking ever... In addition to this.. since he has decided that he no longer needs to plow anymore.. now he is working on the housing edition road that runs along the patch.. apparently he has plowed it up a might in his exuberance..
 He woke me up this weekend on both Saturday and Sunday.. using the blade on the back of the tractor and the bucket on the front end loader he recently purchased for it .. dragging gravel out of the ditches .. not scooping up the gravel.. dragging the gravel.. upon to the driveways and the pavement of the county road..( It sounds like he is tearing the blade off of the tractor.. and omg! the front end loader sounds like nothing I have ever heard before except maybe someone dragging their nails across the chalk board. ) until.. he has crumbled the pavement up into the beginnings of some extensive patch work to be done in front of my drive way.. by the county road crew .. not the state.. THE COUNTY!  The have no materials and our employees are jail trustees and juvenile delinquents doing community service crew.   HAVE MERCY! This morning he is testing out his deer deterrent cannon ... you know that little butane powered invention called the critter skeddaddler.. which does not work.. but makes me jump around 2 feet every time it goes off..  last year it was set to go off every 30 minutes.. so far this year he has just been setting it off continuously .. while he tweaks it.. I already have the eye twitch back and I really think I heard myself stutter yesterday.. okay.. I know my friends well.. so just open up your minds to the problem.. and help me .. please.. The the cannon has to go, at least, without getting caught.. I mean last year he asked me to help him watch out for kids stealing his melons at night .. cause he couldn't fight the deer and the kids and make a profit.. so I said okay..
 I am such a wuss.. sigh..
 This was before he set up the cannon.. and if I say I will help out.. I will..
 I never expected anything in return.. honestly.. that is just setting yourself up to get pissed if you do.. but in return for my watching his place and not doing much in the way of complaining about the cannon except to tell him.. it scared me when it went off.. especially at 2 or 3 a.m.. he picked those melons and took them out of the state to sell.. and when I asked how much for one of the ones left as culls.. his price tag was 5 dollars.. in advance.. and he picked out the melon.. The man moved here from a suburb of New York.. and has no Hillbilly manners at tall.. he is one of those... as my grandma called em.. "FURRRINERS" from way up north of us here in Arkansas.. sigh.. the best I have come up with so far involves my shotgun.. a load of rocks and buckshot and blow that cannon into outer space.. but the guy has a video camera set up to watch the patch too!  I need input, my gleeful when challenged friends..

COME ON MY YANKEE FRIENDS.. AND REBEL FRIENDS..
HEY.. I AM AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY ENABLER HERE..

 I NEED.....

 HELP!   lockerridge  

FERUARY 21, 2009 HILLBILLY TECHNOLOGY INC. UNVEILING OF A NEW PRODUCT... LIMITED TIME OFFER.. HURRY!

  FEBRUARY 21, 2009   HILLBILLY TECHNOLOGY INC.  UNVEILING OF A NEW PRODUCT!  LIMITED TIME OFFER!  HURRY! FOR ALL THOSE TEENAGED  YOUNGUNS IN OUR LIVES, WHO HAVE THOSE AWFUL SKIN PROBLEMS THEY SEEM TO ALWAYS HAVE JUMP ON 'EM....
  HILLBILLY TECHNOLOGY INC. HAS DEVELOPED THE LATEST IN MODERN TECHNOLOGY, TO GIVE A HELPING HAND OR SQUISH AS IT MIGHT BE!
 SCOOTER SUES' SLIDING ZIT SQUISHER!

MY NIECE SCOOTER SUE..
 SHE IS THE ONE IN THE PICTURE UP YONDER.. SHE SHORE TAKES A GOOD PICTURE DON'T SHE?.... LOOKS JUST LIKE HER MOMMA!
WELL ANYWAY.. SCOOTER SUE HAD A PROBLEM WITH A SKIN CONDITION OF THE WORST KIND..
YES INDEEDY FOLKS .. SHE WAS PLAGUED BY THE TERRIBLE CONDITION OF...

 INGROWN ZITS..

WE'VE ALL SEEN IT HAPPEN BEFORE TO YOUNGUNS..
TERRIBLE THANG TO HAPPEN TO A YOUNG GIRL NOW AIN'T IT? WELL THAT GOT UNCLE BILLY BOB TO SEARCHING  FOR AN EASY WAY FOR HER TO GET DOWN INTO THOSE INGROWED DEMON PUS POCKETS.
 HE BEGAN TO GO TO YARD SALES AND FLEA MARKETS..
ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE FREIGHT DAMAGE PLACES AND THE STOCKYARDS.

  SEARCHING FOR AN ITEM THAT COULD BE RECYCLED INTO A MACHINE TO POP 'EM RIGHT OUTTA HER TROUBLED FACE..
WELL NOW FRIENDS WHEN UNCLE BILLY BOB GET SOMETHING ON HIS MIND TO DO.. HE GIVES IT 100% OF HIS TIME ..
 AND SO..

 LOW AND BEHOLD HE FINALLY HAD SOME INSPIRATION FROM A FELLER OUT TO THE FREIGHT DAMAGE PLACE WITH A WHOLE BOBTRUCK LOAD OF USED SLIDING GLASS DOORS!  HIS BRAIN GOT TO HUMMING AND NEXT THANG YA KNOW..
 THERE IT WAS..
 THE ZIT SQUISHER...
 IT IS A THANG OF BRILL ANT BEAUTY! AND ITS ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY TOO! MADE FROM TOTALLY RECYCLED PARTS!  THAT IS JUST A MIRACLE.. A TRUE MIRACLE I TELL YA!
WE ARE RUNNING A NEW PRODUCT SPECIAL FOR THIS WEEK ONLY..
YOU CAN GET THE
 SCOOTER SUES' ZIT SQUISHER,
 A BOTTLE OF GRANNY JUNE ELLYN'S FACE FLAKE OFF ACNE TONIC,
A PACKAGE OF SUPER FINE SANDPAPER,

AND A SAMPLE OF VALIUM

( Just in case you might experience some discomfort from any one of the products involved in this total skin care package .. so we had some left over from when Uncle Randy Bill had that breakdown last year.. we don't talk about it much..)
 ALL THIS TOTAL SKIN CARE PACKAGE FOR THE ONE TIME INTRODUCTORY PRICE OF ...
 19.95!!

TH ATS RIGHT.. ONLY 19.95!
SO GET TO THEM THERE CELL PHONES
AND CALL THIS HERE NUMBER QUICK!

1-800-ZIT-SQSH

(WE ONLY GOT ENOUGH MONEY FOR A 5 MINUTE COMMERCIAL, SINCE MY OLD AUNT MARGIE HAD TO HAVE THAT NEW GLASS EYEBALL, WHEN SHE DROPPED HERS DOWN THE WELL, AND NOBODY WOULD GO DOWN AND GET IT.. )

  Hillbilly Technology Inc. is a business dedicated to turning your trash into someone elses skin product. Appearance of product varies because of availability of sliding glass door may not be real good all the time and we might have to use a closet door or something like that.. you unnerstand I am sure..
Hillbilly Technology Inc. is owned and operated by the Lockerridge Family from Buzzard Breath, Arkansas...
We ain't licensed to examine eyes, so don't ask.
hilbiltecinc@hillbillytech.netcon
We take all credit cards...
anything that is plastic with numbers stamped in it.. as long as it ain't one of them AARP cards.. them don't work at all..   
 

lockerridge

FEBRUARY 20, 2009 LOCKIES FRIDAY FUNNY FINDS

FEBRUARY 20, 2009
LOCKIES
FRIDAY FUNNY FINDS

   
In a small Southern town a trial was taking place. The small-towns' prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand.  She stood and made her way to the front of the courtroom, taking her time as she was a small elderly woman.. he smiled patiently because she reminded him
of his own grandmother.    It took quite a bit of time to get her sworn in and then finally he was ready to question her.  He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded in clear sweet voice, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you." The lawyer was mortified... and after a few moments of strained silence,  in a somewhat strangled voice, while pointing across the room at the defense attorney, he asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"> She again replied, in her sweet grandmotherly voice, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife.
Yes, I know him." The defense attorney ,  was having trouble breathing and his face was drained of all color. The judge noticing the defense attorneys difficulties call for a recess, and then motioned both counselors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said, "If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I will sentence you to life in prison, with her for a cell mate."



The Coldest Igloo
Three macho Eskimos were arguing about who had the coldest igloo. So they decided to check each one of their igloos, in turn.    The first Eskimo was very confident he would win that upon reaching his igloo and going inside, with great drama, he pulled back his polar bearskin blanket, revealing that his bed was made of ice.    He puffed out his chest and said,"I am so tough my bed is made of ice and I don't even feel it at night!"   "Wow that is impressive.. but.. ah..  mine is colder," proclaimed  the second Eskimo with confidence. Sure enough when they  reached his igloo, he pulled open the door and it was snowing inside!    "Pretty cold," conceded the third Eskimo, "But I've got both of you beat."   So they proceeded to his igloo and went inside.. it wasn't snowing.. but he did pull the cover off his bed to reveal it was also made of ice, but with a large brown spot in the middle of the ice.   The first and second Eskimos looked at each other and started to laugh saying," What is so much colder in here than our igloos.. you don't even have it snowing in here."   The third Eskimo just grinned and taking an ice pick chipped the brown spot off of the ice bed and put it into a pan... that he carried over and sat on top of the wood stove in the igloo.   Then he said," Wait a minute or two."   So they waited and in a couple of minutes that hear a large sound like somebody passing gas... Eskimo one and two held their noses and said in unison," Have mercy.. you got something dead in that stove!"   The third Eskimo grinned widely and said...   " Nope..  It is so cold in my igloo even my farts freeze... I win!"

lockerridge

FEBRUARY 16, 2009 TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO ... CAPTION IT!!

FEBRUARY 16, 2009
TODAY IS A GOOD DAY TO ...
CAPTION IT!!




THIS ONE IS FOR MY BUDDY OJ...
AND I CAPTION IT..
"SIGNS OF BEING REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY.....
REALLY, REALLY REALLY..
TIRED OF WINTER TIME...
THE CARROT IS FROSTBITTEN... "    


lockerridge

FEBRUARY 14, 2009 LOCKERRIDGE DISASTER PIECE THEATRE PRESENTS... THE GREATEST PRANK PHONE CALL EVER!!

FEBRUARY 14, 2009
 LOCKERRIDGE DISASTER PIECE THEATER
 PRESENTS...
THE GREATEST PRANK
 PHONE CALL EVER!!

ANOTHER JEWEL FROM AUNTIE J.!
THIS IS THE BEST ONE I HAVE EVER HEARD FOLKS!

  lockerridge

FEBRUARY 6, 2009 MOOOOOOO!!!!

FEBRUARY 6, 2009
MOOOOOOO!!!!  

 A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to  Amy... "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves for the fields, and Amy gets started on the houses daily cleaning chores and starts a pot of soup for their lunch.  After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door enquiring about the cow he was there to inseminate.  Amy smiled and said, "Sure just follow me sir."
  They walked along the row of cows, and when Amy saw the nail driven into the 2x4 above the cows stall, she tells him...
 "This is the one right here."  The man, being a bit of a jerk, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde, jeeringly asks...  "Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know,  how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?" Amy being of a patient nature said to him in a sweet voice...  "Well it is very easy to tell... I know because of the nail that's in the 2x4 over this stall."  Laughing rudely at her, the man says.. "And what, pray tell, is the nail  for?" Amy swings her blonde hair back behind her ears and as she  turns to walk away,  says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."


lockerridge

JANUARY 31, 2009 LOCKERRIDGE DISASTER PIECE THEATRE DOUBLE FEATURE... SPONSOR AN EXECUTIVE AND ARE YOU SURE SHE IS HUMAN?

  JANUARY 31, 2009 
 LOCKERRIDGE
DISASTER PIECE THEATRE
 DOUBLE FEATURE...
 SPONSOR AN EXECUTIVE 
AND
ARE YOU SURE SHE IS HUMAN?

My Auntie Johnnie has sent two really good videos for me to share with all of my fellow oddity loving friends. The first is a plea for help for the unfortunate executives in our world today and the second one is of a girl and a ball.. Yeah you read it right.. A girl and a ball. After watching it.. I am convinced she is an alien.. no way can she be human and do what she does with that ball. No way. No freaking way.. SEE WHAT I MEAN!!!!...
NO WAY IS THAT GIRL HUMAN!!!!!...
I AM PRETTY SURE THE BALL IS
AN ALIEN BALL ... WONDER WHERE THE OTHER ONE OF THE SET IS AT..
MAYBE I DON'T REALLY WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION..
 
      lockerridge

JANUARY 28, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED THIRTEEN.... ODE TO MY LITTLE TOE... THE SEQUEL.. SWEATIN' TO THE TOESIES

JANUARY 28, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED THIRTEEN.... ODE TO MY LITTLE TOE... THE SEQUEL.. SWEATIN' TO THE TOESIES Celticfrog's Challenge Write the next chapter to any story you have written to a previous challenge. Please link to the old story.If you are a poet, add stanzas or write a response to a previous poem.

ODE TO MY LITTLE TOE...
 THE SEQUEL..
SWEATIN' TO THE TOESIES
As my story of toe woe
Has already been told
Some time ago
About how odd the habits
Of my left little toe
And its ability to wander to and fro...
I will now tell of help for my littlest toe
Of a cure,
 found when I clicked "Go! Mr. Googles"
Help was on the internet
By the bunches
Nay.. by the kit and kaboodles!
The best simple home remedies
Were found at  Mayo
Nay, it was not on a sandwich
Between layers of bread!
Not that kind of Mayo 'at all!
Tis a place where magic happens
They can teach fallen little toes
To return home from the odd places they would crawl
They told me to not be so cruel
To throw out those high heel shoes
Not to be a fool!
They made this a strict rule
Those evil shoes are the reason
 For my littlest piggy to rebel
It was shoe toe abuse
 Which caused it to hit the toe trail
We didn't even have to call Dr. Phil..
 To get him to help figure out
No need for a pill..
Or a makeover by Robin
And that really different blonde guy
Who must send them a great big bill!!
Just a switch from Spigas to Dr. Scholls
Even if it does make my feet look like
My friend ..  Trouble Trolls
And some exercises for my little toes
 And this lovely gel filled Yoga Toes
Splint to wear while "Sweatin' to the Toesies"
Doing the marble pickup drills
On several occasions each day
No mercy is spared to my wandering piggy toe
As it does its dishtowel crunch ups
 Then without a break, nary a cup..
It is on to the marble pickup
Hustle little wandering toe
Grab those marbles!
Put them in a cup!
One Two Three ...
.Hup! Hup! Hup!
Even if the exercises can't cure Hammer the Toe
Even if Dr. Phil says it is all my fault
"Woman! Own that toe abuse!"
My littlest piggy
 And I have called a truce..
It is too tired to groan and moan now..
It is quiet and doesn't hurt me
If I decide to ask it to move
 Straight ahead ..
getting back into its old groove
It is content now to just flex like a happy toe
To sing in harmony with the rest of the set
It has changed its name back to Billy Joe
No longer is it my walking foe!

Getting all this internet Mayo help
Just made me want to holler and yelp!
I just may...
Someday....
Wear some Dr. Scholls boots...

And it didn't cost me a penny in loot!
 I need to open up email
Find out where Dr. Scholls' shoes come from
Cause without fail
Sure as I am telling this tale...
His shoes are in need of some

Yoga Toes Gel!
THE END

Terri McCain/lockerridge
To read the previous challenge that inspired this poem click the link below. ODE TO MY LITTLE TOE

For more challenges and stories click here UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP

lockerridge

JANUARY 27, 2009 LOCKIE ICE LAND UPDATE.. YEEHAAWW!.. I STILL HAVE POWER! NO POPSICLES LEFT THOUGH...

JANUARY 27, 2009

LOCKIE "ICE" LAND UPDATE..

YEEHAAWW!..

 I STILL HAVE POWER!

NO POPSICLES LEFT THOUGH...

Well by some kind of miracle I have still have electricity! It is awful outside.. It has been freezing rain that only accumulates on the trees and power lines, the temperature is a constant 33 degrees. The roads are still clear though.. too strange even for me!
 The governor has issued a state of emergency for my area. We are looking at snow and sleet later on tonight.. quite frankly if it doesn't stop this raining soon..and stop accumulating, everything is going to simply pop into little pieces! Snow and sleet would be a good thing, believe it or not.. it doesn't stick to trees and power lines... sigh.. I went out and took a few pictures of what I have here and up further north about 40 miles.. they have twice this much ice on the trees and power lines..
The last reported amount of people without power right now stands at approx. 30,000 in my state.. I don't know what is going on in Oklahoma... but in Arkansas.. it is almost too weird to describe .
 The pine and cedar trees are just like big balls of fuzzy looking ice, that are bowing down to the ground. The hard wood trees.. like oak, sweet gum, maple.. etc... look like they have been dipped in a really thick clear sealer. They are shiny and somehow magnified.. but the ground is like a flood plain.. so much water has fallen over night and during the day, the evil demon gophers, instead of dry tunnels..leading to their underground military installations, now have water flooding them and making little fountains!  Homer has been giggling all day long! lol  Over 100 local schools are shut down.. all colleges are shut down.. Most of the manufacturers in the area have canceled 2nd and 3rd shifts and told tomorrows 1st shift to call before they head out to work in the morning..  They have just issued a down tree warning for people driving right now.. they showed some poor guy in a pickup that got whapped with a big limb.. kind of caved in the cab of his truck pretty good.. but he is okay.. I do not know what is keeping these electric lines from snapping.. I better hush and post this before I do go black.. Latest breaking news from your very own" Lockie Land Staying In The House Cause She Ain't No Fool..Reporter!" It's Icky Out There Y'all!
ICE STORM WARNING..  SEVERE WEATHER WARNING..  ICE STORM WARNING..  SEVERE WEATHER WARNING..
/O.CON.KTSA.IS.W.0002.000000T0000Z-090128T1200Z/BENTON-CARROLL-WASHINGTON AR-MADISON-CRAWFORD-FRANKLIN-SEBASTIAN-PUSHMATAHA-CHOCTAW-ADAIR-MCINTOSH-SEQUOYAH-PITTSBURG-HASKELL-LATIMER-LE FLORE-INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...ROGERS...BENTONVILLE...BERRYVILLE...EUREKA SPRINGS...FAYETTEVILLE...SPRINGDALE...HUNTSVILLE...VAN BUREN...OZARK...CHARLESTON...FORT SMITH...ANTLERS...CLAYTON...HUGO...STILWELL...EUFAULA...SALLISAW...MCALESTER...STIGLER...WILBURTON...POTEAU1249 PM CST TUE JAN 27 2009...ICE STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 AM CST WEDNESDAY...AN ICE STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 AM CST WEDNESDAYFOR THE FOLLOWING COUNTIES...IN ARKANSAS...BENTON...CARROLL...WASHINGTON...MADISON...CRAWFORD...FRANKLIN...SEBASTIAN.IN OKLAHOMA...PUSHMATAHA...CHOCTAW...ADAIR...MCINTOSH...SEQUOYAH...PITTSBURG...HASKELL...LATIMER...LE FLORE.FREEZING RAIN...OCCASIONALLY MIXED WITH SLEET...WILL CONTINUE TODEVELOP AND MOVE ACROSS EAST CENTRAL OKLAHOMA...NORTHWEST AND WESTCENTRAL ARKANSAS TODAY. TOTAL ICE ACCUMULATIONS BETWEEN A HALF ANDONE INCH ARE LIKELY THROUGH TONIGHT...WITH LOCALLY HIGHER AMOUNTS.TEMPERATURES REMAIN BELOW FREEZING NORTH OF WILBURTON...FORTSMITH...MOUNTAIN TOP LINE. SIGNIFICANT ICE ACCUMULATIONS ARE LIKELYNORTH OF THIS LINE THIS AFTERNOON AND EVENING. ALTHOUGHTEMPERATURES REMAIN ABOVE FREEZING ACROSS FAR SOUTHEAST OKLAHOMAAND WEST CENTRAL ARKANSAS...TEMPERATURES ARE EXPECTED TO FALLBELOW FREEZING THIS AFTERNOON WITH SOME ICE ACCUMULATIONS LIKELYINTO THE EVENING HOURS.THE FREEZING RAIN WILL BECOME INCREASINGLY MIXED WITH SLEET ACROSS EAST CENTRAL OKLAHOMA AND NORTHWEST ARKANSAS THIS AFTERNOONINTO THE EVENING HOURS. PRECIPITATION WILL BEGIN TO TAPER FROMNORTHWEST LATER TONIGHT...BEFORE ENDING ACROSS THE AREA BYWEDNESDAY MORNING.SCATTERED POWER OUTAGES HAVE ALREADY BEEN REPORTED ACROSS THEAREA. ADDITIONAL ICE ACCUMULATION ON TREES AND UTILITY LINES ISEXPECTED...WHICH WILL RESULT IN MORE WIDESPREAD OUTAGES. IN THEHARDEST HIT AREAS...THE OUTAGES COULD LAST SEVERAL DAYS ANDPOSSIBLY AS LONG AS A FEW WEEKS.




lockerridge

JANUARY 26, 2009 LOCKIE LAND HAS TURNED INTO ICE LAND.. SIGH... WANNA POPSICLE?

JANUARY 26, 2009
 LOCKIE LAND
HAS TURNED INTO ICE LAND
 SIGH...
 WANNA POPSICLE?

Well... I guess it is going to become true this time.. sigh.. I am getting freezing rain and it is going to continue all night long.. I figure by in the morning .. I will have no electricity.... sigh... sigh... sigh.... I have been through three of these things since, I think it was 1996... and I am more prepared for it .. but I still hate this shit! One lady has already been killed in a traffic accident in Arkansas, by sliding on black ice. In the town I live about 20 miles from.. there have been over 100 traffic fender bender type accidents today. You can be the best driver in the world and somebody else wham into you.. it just sucks pig puddle water that is green and has large stinky chunks of pig poo in it! We went to town early today and stocked up on stuff.. like oil for the oil lamps and kerosene for the lanterns.. we hauled enough wood to last a week probably for the fire place.. and got the generator going.. Right now I am wondering what this has got to do with global warming.. cause I am not very warm!
I have had some mighty unusual weather last year and this year is not starting off to a very good beginning.. sigh..
 Wanna Popsicle?
  lol.. So if I disappear.. know that the power is off and boyfriend will not give up his television for me to run my puter.. he is like that ya know.. stingy sucker!
HE gets no popsicle!
WEATHER WARNING..   ICE STORM WARNING..   WEATHER WARNING..   ICE STORM WARNING.. WEATHER WARNING.. ICE STORM WARNING.. /O.CON.KTSA.IS.W.0002.000000T0000Z-090128T1200Z/CRAWFORD-FRANKLIN-SEBASTIAN-PUSHMATAHA-MCINTOSH-SEQUOYAH-PITTSBURG-HASKELL-LATIMER-LE FLORE-INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...VAN BUREN...OZARK...CHARLESTON...FORT SMITH...ANTLERS...CLAYTON...EUFAULA...SALLISAW...MCALESTER...STIGLER...WILBURTON...POTEAU403 PM CST MON JAN 26 2009...ICE STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 AM CST WEDNESDAY...AN ICE STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 AM CST WEDNESDAY FOR THE FOLLOWING COUNTIES...IN ARKANSAS...CRAWFORD...FRANKLIN...SEBASTIAN.IN OKLAHOMA...PUSHMATAHA...MCINTOSH...SEQUOYAH...PITTSBURG...HASKELL...LATIMER...LE FLORE.RAIN AND FREEZING RAIN HAVE DEVELOPED THIS AFTERNOON ACROSS SOUTHEAST OKLAHOMA INTO WEST CENTRAL ARKANSAS. THE INTENSITY AND COVERAGE OF PRECIPITATION WILL EXPAND THIS AFTERNOON INTO THIS EVENING. TEMPERATURES IN PORTIONS OF LE FLORE AND PUSHMATAHA COUNTIES WILL REMAIN ABOVE FREEZING FOR PART OF THE EVENING...HOWEVER THE TRANSITION TOWARD ALL FREEZING WILL OCCUR OVER NIGHT. SEVERAL ROUNDS OF HEAVIER FREEZING RAIN WILL LIKELY AFFECT THE AREA...BEFORE ENDING LATE TUESDAY NIGHT. CURRENT FORECASTS INDICATE THAT ICE ACCUMULATIONS OF 1/2 TO 1 INCH WILL BE COMMON. A FEW THUNDERSTORMS MAY ALSO DEVELOP AND BRING LOCALIZED AMOUNTS EXCEEDING ONE INCH OF ICE.SIGNIFICANT ICE ACCUMULATION ON TREES AND UTILITY LINES ARE EXPECTED...WITH PROLONGED PERIOD OF INTERRUPTED SERVICE LIKELY.IN SOME CASES...THE LOSS OF ELECTRICITY COULD BE FOR DAYS OR WEEKS DEPENDING ON THE SEVERITY OF THE ICING CONDITIONS.DO NOT GO NEAR DOWNED LINES...ASSUME THEY ARE LIVE AND REPORT ANY DOWNED LINES OR POWER OUTAGES TO YOUR ELECTRIC COMPANY.MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AN ADEQUATE SUPPLY OF FOOD...WATER AND NECESSARY MEDICATION TO LAST THROUGH THE DURATION OF THE ICE STORM. DUE TO THE POSSIBILITY OF POWER OUTAGES...FLASHLIGHTS WITH A GOOD SUPPLY OF BATTERIES IS RECOMMENDED. IF USING A GENERATOR...DO NOT OPERATE IT INDOORS!AN ICE STORM WARNING MEANS SEVERE WINTER WEATHER CONDITIONS ARE EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF ICE ACCUMULATIONS WILL MAKE TRAVEL DANGEROUS OR IMPOSSIBLE. TRAVEL IS STRONGLY DISCOURAGED.



lockerridge

JANUARY 26, 2009 SHERIFF JOE... THE MAN WITH THE RIGHT PLAN!

JANUARY 26, 2009
 SHERIFF JOE...
THE MAN WITH THE RIGHT PLAN!





STOLE THIS ONE FROM MY FRIEND NORMIE!

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO HE IS THE MARICOPA, ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF  HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER
reelected last year with 83% of the vote.

HERE ARE FEW OF THE REASONS WHY HE KEEPS GETTING THE VOTES IN
MARICOPA,  ARIZONA ! He has replaced all prison supplies with pink as the color of the prisoner jumpsuits, underwear, socks.. and even towels and washcloths are all pink. He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.
He cut out coffee when he found out it had 0 nutritional value. He started chain gangs so the inmates could do work on county and city projects to earn the meal money .
 When the ACLU noticed his activities, fearing discrimination suits, he created female chain gangs also. He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights Cut off all but 'G' movies. He took away cable TV Until he found out there was Federal Court Order that required cable TV for jails, so he hooked up the cable TV again, but only allows into the prison, The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel. When asked why the weather channel He Replied," So They Will Know How Hot It's Gonna Be While They Are Working on the Chain Gangs." When the inmates complained, he told them,
"This Isn't The Ritz/Carlton......
If You Don 't Like It, Don 't Come Back." He created the "Tent City Jail" With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports: About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued Pink Boxer Shorts. On Wednesday, instead of being on the chain gang, hundreds of men wearing pink boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 Degrees Inside The Week Before. When inmate James Zanzot, who has been living in the tent jail for over a year now, complained that it was "like a furnace" and " it was inhumane treatment" got this answer from the good sheriff, "It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too,
 And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear!
But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes,
So Shut Your Mouth!'
Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!
This is his latest accomplishment!
Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors gladly agreed to hand the problem to him. The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows. The best part?
 His budget for the entire department is now under
$3 million.
  One lady who adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago says, " He was neutered, current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78." The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals. It makes one wonder  when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand. The portion of the farm that is dedicated to hogs, provides meat for the prisoners to eat, and fertilizer for the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work.  You can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later in your yard. Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again.
 He painted all his buses and vehicles with a large eye catching mural, printed beneath is a special hot line phone number.
It is a direct line for citizens to report suspected illegal aliens.
Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so in an effort to aide them in their job, he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws.
 Started the hot line, to involve others in the help he was providing them, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border.
He's kind of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff.
YYYYEEEEEHHHAAAWWW
SHERIFF JOE....
 THIS IS ONE GUY
I MIGHT STILL TRUST
THAT IS IN GOVERNMENT!

lockerridge

JANUARY 25, 2009 DECISIONS.... WHAT TO DO? .. WHAT TO DO?

    
JANUARY 25, 2009
      DECISIONS....
WHAT TO DO? .. WHAT TO DO?

All of our lives ... from the moment our eyes open in the morning.. till they close at night.. we are making decisions. Small everyday decisions.. but decisions never the less. You know what I mean.. Everyday we have to decide what we want to eat... what we want to wear. What time to go to bed and what time to get up. What kind of toothpaste to use,  what kind of deodorant,  or dish washing liquid
Things that businesses zero in on to target advertising campaigns, in an effort to get us to buy products. Effectively giving us yet more to decide upon.    Things that won't really matter much if you make a wrong choice about it.  No real damage done if you try a new deodorant and it does not work.. unless of course your on stage accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, and you have underarm salt rings, or people start to back up when you walk into the room, and pull out a paper mask for their nose, while spritzing the air with Febreze..    
Then you might want to use those clues to realize.. your, "Secret,  Extra Heavy Duty, Strong Enough For a Man But Made For a Woman..".
is not living up to its advertised promises., and make the decision to buy something with a name like... .
"  Gorilla Secret... Made Especially For the Animal Bather at The Zoo, But You Can Use It Too."
  "Conveniently Sold in Bulk, by the  55 Gallon Drum,
 (not responsible for chemical burns to the armpit.)."  But there are times when you are faced with some that simply humble you before God and man, with the knowledge you are not up to the challenge...
Never the less ...
 "YOUR"
the one who has to make the decision, right now! Right or wrong.. it is to be done .. immediately!  There are no clues to use to help you along.. you just have to go with your gut feelings.
Those are the ones which make me  feel like I'm coming down with an intestinal flu, and just ran out of Toilet Paper. You are scared to death to do anything.. cause the wrong move can cause the shit to hit the fan, and no way to clean it up.  Where is Bounty or Brawny when you really really need them?  There have been times when a used Handi Wipe would have been welcomed with open arms.   Those kind that influence other peoples lives are the worst ones... If I were bumbling along in life all by myself..
then it would not be so harrowing to make these big life changing decisions.. cause no one would get hurt but me if they were the wrong ones.  
But that is not the way it is in my bumbling along lifes' course. So right or wrong... I have made those kinds of decisions.
 like what to do when my husband passed away and faced with running a poultry farm alone with a 15 year old son for my main helper.  Like when to shut down that farm.
Like when to walk out the door of my job one day when I could not handle the stress level any longer.
 Like putting my Dad into my car and putting my foot to the floor that day when he could not breathe and begged me not to let him die....
Wait for the ambulance or just haul butt, looking and praying for a cop to stop me on the way..
 Not one cop..
Not one!
 sigh..  I am an only child and so therefore I was never really burdened by any kind of competition for anything while growing up, so having to make a decision about things wasn't really too big an issue for me.   Dad always made the kind of decisions which changed my life and it was never argued that he might be wrong. Mom and I just paddled along assuming everything would be for the better in these decisions. I have often wondered in my adult life how he pulled off the "cool as a cucumber" act when he made one of these decisions, until I asked my Mom after he had passed away.    She told me a truth that has really put me on a better path to making those kinds of decisions    She told me that he knew that no matter what he decided.. he had her to handle all the details of making it work out.   That really made a lot of sense when I remembered how he handled everything.. If he decided to buy a new car, he would find the one he wanted, come home and tell her how much the payments would be, and then SHE cut the corners and tightened up the budget belt to make it happen..   I can't understand people who want to be in the Managers or CEOs positions in a company...
They "WANT" to be the ones who have to make these spur of the moment mega decisions...
They are well paid to be under that gun I guess.. Personally.. I think I just want to have a deal like Mom and Dad did, seemed to work out pretty good for all concerned.

 But for all the women like me out there bumbling along in life... wondering from day to day...
 "What to Do.?. What to Do?.."

 All I can say is..

 " Ain't Life a Bitch?"

 See what I mean.!
That is just one more decision for you to make today
 
  Sorry bout that!

 Terri McCain/lockerridge
    lockerridge        

JANUARY 23, 2009 LETS PLAY DANIS' GAME OVER AT LOCKIES' BLOG.. "WHAT IS IT?"

JANUARY 23, 2009 
 LETS PLAY DANIS' GAME
 OVER AT LOCKIES' BLOG..

 "WHAT IS IT?"

OKAY..  I AM SUFFERING FROM
 MASSIVE
 " NOTHING FREAKING THERE"
WHEN IT COMES TO  BLOG IDEAS,
 SO... IN DESPERATION...
 I AM STEALING IDEAS NOW..

BUT AT LEAST THEY ARE GOOD ONES .. HUH? SO IN KEEPING WITH MY NEW THEME OF THEFT ..


 I STOLE DANIS' BLOG IDEA

 NOW YOU CAN RACK YOUR BRAINS
 OVER HERE!

 HIYA DANI... LOVE YA!

HEY, IT IS THE ROTTEN, COLD, GOT A BURN BAN ON, TOO COLD TO GO FISHING...
MONTH OF JANUARY 2009...
 OKAY..

CUT A GIRL SOME SLACK WILL YA?
(Work with me here!)

  I WILL GIVE YOU THREE CLUE.S..

 IT IS NOT A BUNCH OF QTIPS ....

 IT IS NOT SOMETHING THAT FELL OFF

WILE WHEN HE WAS SCRATCHING..

AND  OJ CAN'T

"FLING"
IT AT ANYONE...

Update... THE WINNER IS.. VINNIE! YEAHHHHHH!
MAMMATUS CLOUDS.



lockerridge