ULY 19, 2009 THE EVIAN SKATIN' BABIES!

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JULY 19, 2009 THE EVIAN SKATIN' BABIES! Hiddy Ho one and all who out journeying the web highways this fine Sunday in July... I have a wonderful friend who is not here on Mulitply with us and has dropped out of the blogging thing completely since 360 started its slow drizzle fizzle.. but he still sends me the most wonderful things in email! Today's gem is the Evian Water Commercial of the Skatin Babies!.. How long it took to produce this commercial I haven't a clue.. but whomever did do the time.. the result is stunning! Thank you David E.! Have a look... lockerridge

JULY 11, 2009 PointlessSites.com.. THE BRINGING TOGETHER OF THE WORTHLESS AND OH SO MUCH FUN SITES ON THE WEB INTO ONE PLACE..

JULY 11, 2009   PointlessSites.com..
THE BRINGING TOGETHER
 OF THE WORTHLESS
AND
OH SO MUCH FUN SITES
 ON THE WEB
INTO ONE PLACE..

My friend Nica or Sanctuary Rose posted some links for us a while back to check out as some her favorites. I am always grateful for new input of any kind, so I bookmarked them and promptly forgot them. .. till today!
You have got to check out this really fantastic, coming together of links to .. as they put it on the site...
  " Pointless playthings, tools and things to fiddle with... Tools and utilities for the things you didn't know you needed tools and utilities for."

PointlessSites.com

One thing that is really cool is the tool that lets you have the ability to get a html graph of any website..

That is what the picture is of up there.. lockerridge.com...
 I love watching it grow.. I wish I could get the animation as it is growing the graph.. but no right click and no way to save it except as screen print or pdf file.. and we all know about pdf files don't we.. they are evil..

 Give a click HERE  and copy/paste your url out of your browser address bar...

the site is owned by a guy who works at Stanford University and in lieu of asking for donations .. he has a short survey about the way people are handling the ongoing swine flu situation.
 I filled it out.. took about 5 minutes and nothing personal at all was asked of me.. just my randomness was all I had to provide.. and I got to play with this java ap toy .. they give you the java ap for your very own to put on any website that allows java scripting.

 Multiply of course does not, unless I figure out this thing where I can add pages with posting blogs.. but that is another blog for another day!

There is one guy who has a web cam set up to video his front lawn.. the site is called..
(what else)
Watching Grass Grow..
People have been watching the grass grow in his lawn .. updating every two seconds.. for almost 2 years now! lol

Here are a few of them I just have spent way to much time playing with recently..

 1.Monk-e-mail - Send a free talking animated monkey email to your friends. Clever pointlessness. (lockie thought... I LOVE THIS ONE!)

2.  Hairy Mail - "The worlds first back hair messaging system"  (lockie thought... lol.. you write messages on a guys really hairy back and then email them to friends.. hahahahahaa)

3.  Stop alien abductions - How to make a "Thought Screen Helmet"  ( lockie thought... hahahahahahahahaaaaa!)

4. Story generator - Writes a useless story for you in 10 seconds..  ( lockie thought... yep.. totally useless. but oh so funny!)

5.  Upside down - Converter... ( lockie thought... A tool that generates your text upside down and backwards.. too cool!)

6.  Magic pen - Drawings come to life....  (lockie thought.. eh.. if you can draw.. but even if you can't.. it is still cool to work with!)

7.  Giant Microbes stuffed virus and plague toys.. H1N1 Swine flu is now available.. and they even have a different section for professionals.. that include .. TB.. HIV.. and lots more! 
( lockie thought?... HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!)

I am not going to post any more.. you guys check it for yourselves and see if I am right when I think this site is just too cool!

It has more than just this silly stuff. They have games of any type you would like to play.. They have math puzzles.. like the combination lock.. I still have not gotten that one figured out yet! Animations made by some real young amateurs, or maybe just young at heart... who knows..

I just wanted to give anyone, who didn't know this site existed.. a chance to spend some time doing some really pointless and cool fun things!

Lockie shares cause she loves all of you .. well maybe love is too strong a word for it when it gets right down to it.. but then again.. who knows when I might need the brownie points.. so yeah.. I love ya!

NO I am not evil.. I just sound that way.. a lot of the time... wink!
lockerridge

JUNE 30, 2009 HOW WE REACT TO SOME THINGS REALLY SURPRISES US AT TIMES...

JUNE 30, 2009
HOW WE REACT TO SOME THINGS REALLY SURPRISES US AT TIMES...

Recently, we have had a lot of famous people to pass away. Some because of the evil of a disease that seems to have no end to its appetite for human life. Some to just having lived a good long life and their bodies just wore out and they went on to get a new and better version in Glory. And then we have had some that came as a total surprise and that is the one that has taken me by surprise in my reaction to it. If you have been on my contact list for any time at all.. you probably know that in my life I have faced up to a lot of loss of loved ones and am carrying on in spite of myself and the effects that can have on a person. I am by no means the same person I was only 10 years ago.. but whom among us is? No matter the circumstances. So when Michael Jackson died so suddenly last week... this coming on the heels of losing Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon.. and Kung Fu Dude.. David Carridean.. it shouldn't have bothered me as much as it has.  You are listening to the one song this man has produced as an adult in a solo role... that I actually like to listen to ..( if you haven't turned it off because your sick to death of hearing about the guy)  I spoiled the songs he gave the world by watching him perform them.. and gotta say.. the guy turned me off totally with his stage presence. The grabbing of a crotch should be left in the bathroom or back alley and not on a world tour, in front of millions of young people who were allowed by their parents to be so dramatic and overcome with emotions about this guy that they would actually pass out from the thrills.. sigh..  I did learn to moon walk.. simply because it was too cool not to be able to do it! I think I surprised myself most about my reaction to the man passing away in that I simply can't get it off my mind. I am the same age as he and I grew up listening to the Jackson Five and The Osmond's. Donnie Osmond is also the same age as Michael and I. I actually bought and still own the 45 record of Ben. I remember spending the night with my Granny and we would watch.. some fella whose first name was Andy and his signature song was Moon River.. and he had the two singing groups on his show a lot.. I remember singing along with..   ABC.. Easy as 123.. Baby You and Me! I loved the version of The Wizard of Oz that they came out with to be the "black" version of the classic movie .. Michael played the scarecrow and the song.. "Ease on Down the Road" was their answer to "Follow The Yellow Brick Road"... it was a fantastic movie.. and I loved it.. and never saw the reason for the need for the "black" version other than entertainment value. But I think it made a statement perhaps for them, and I applaud any kind of work that makes someone feel more at home in the world they live in.  I think that is what bothers me the most about the famous singer passing away so young. He never seemed able to handle his own life. He was a brilliant musician.. simply brilliant. He was just weirder than me I guess and that made him so... well weird! And the man was definitely weird you will have to admit! But it was an understandable weird. Seemed like everybody wanted a piece of him, but I don't think he ever really felt loved for just being himself by anyone.  I had a hard time making up my own mind about the child molester thing. The media just makes me so sick with their garbage they throw out at us and sadly most folks eat it up with a spoon. I don't believe a word of anything I read from the media anymore... They are causing wars and causing panic and pandering to the elite who can further their careers by making headlines by feeding them a big bowl of crapola for us to eat, while reading our morning papers. So I suppose I never did really decide if I believed it or not.. till now.  I have thought it over and went back and looked at the whole thing that was put out by the media .. and then I looked at the people who testified for the man. Then I looked at the ones who accused the man of deviance.  I don't think he did it.  Plain and simple I think he got shafted by society and its eagerness to believe anything ugly about someone in the lime light of life. Movie stars, Rock and Country Music Stars... I pray for those folks ... they have too much money, too much freedom, and too much adoration to not be affected by Hollywood and its party life.. the public are just nuts now.. they follow these people around and every scrap of dirt or information that comes out to the public they simply go nuts over it. Like they were these peoples next door neighbors or something. I understand the young people having idols and wishing they could have what the stars do... but when it runs into people in their 60's and 70's standing in line for days in zero weather to get Rolling Stones tickets.. folks that is just too far out on a cliff for me to think they are playing with a level playing field.. about a half a bubble off plumb is where I categorize these people! I still have not figured out why I have had such a strong reaction to his death, other than I suppose I had to face my own mortality in the age bracket I am in. When I first found out that the music from my teens and twenties are now the Classics.. well that knocked me back a bit, but not like this has hit me. I know I have lived more life than I have left to live.. but for some reason I just never believed it I suppose ... I am getting older and older every day. The world is turning faster and faster with each passing moment and here we are in the middle of a economic melt down that has already cooled and is getting hard at the edges.. I will not have the end of life my folks got to have, but then I did not have the hard life they had when they first began their lives.  I feel most worry about our children. They have never had a day of real want in their lives. When I say want I am talking food, clothing, shelter, and security of knowing there are jobs out there if they want them. My folks grew up with nothing and built something. Now that is in danger ... and I and you all are in charge of it all.  What we manage to save and leave behind our kids will get and .. sigh... they will just never be able to understand how hard it was to get. I never understood the fear in my fathers life when it came to him having a job. Until I surfed around in google and found some really really honest photos of what the depression was like. I don't even want to think of living that life again... I don't know how.
Thanks for listening to me... I just felt the need to talk today... more than usual that is! 

lockerridge

JUNE 13, 2009 THE WISDOM OF THE AGED

JUNE 13, 2009

 THE WISDOM OF THE AGED

TAXI CAB DRIVER CONFESSIONS

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, not suspecting he was about to become the listener to the... Wisdom of His Cab Driver...

 The cabbie says, "Perfect timing, Mister! You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more! He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody"s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too -- He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his damned widow."

Helping With The Housework
Housework used to be a woman's job, but one evening, Janice arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!

It turns out that Charles had gotten home early and read a bit of the old Cosmopolitan she had left out. The featured article on the cover informed him that wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.

The night went very well. The next day, Janice told her friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Charles even cleaned up the kitchen! He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. It was really an amazing evening."

"But what about the hot sex afterward?" asked her friends.

"Oh, that," Janice said. "Well, Charles was too tired...."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

MAXINE ON THE SUBJECT OF...

"SERENITY"
OR WAS THAT
"SENILITY"
  

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. 'Hardly worth going home, is it?' she responded.


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing About being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


 

These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, ' For fast relief.'

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   CONFUCIUS TURNED 100 YEARS OLD...

WHEN ASKED WHAT WAS THE  WISEST BIT OF KNOWLEDGE
  HE COULD IMPART TO THE PEOPLE..
CONFUCIUS SAY...    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*   Crowded elevator smell different to midget.     *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
     

NEVER GROW OLD..

NEVER GROW DISCOURAGED...

NEVER THINK YOUR TOO OLD TO FALL IN LOVE...

 AND ALWAYS LOOK TO THE FUTURE
 WHILE FONDLY REMEMBERING THE PAST...

LIFE IS WHAT IT IS...
SOME DAYS IT IS TO ENJOY...

MAKES UP FOR THE DAYS
IT IS MOSTLY TO ANNOY...

lockerridge

JUNE 3, 2009 A REALLY FUNNY HILLBILLY.. RODNEY CARRINGTON...NOT FOR PEOPLE UNDER THE AGE OF 14!

JUNE 3, 2009  A REALLY FUNNY HILLBILLY.. RODNEY CARRINGTON...NOT FOR PEOPLE UNDER THE AGE OF 14! Hello everyone! Have you heard of a comedian who goes by the name of Rodney Carrington?       If not, let me introduce you to a bit of his humor.. if you like it and continue on into some of the Youtube videos be warned.. the man is not a person who does not cuss. He says things which are deemed politically incorrect if not plain old sarcastic.. but meant to be funny and they ARE!   I have posted three videos of songs he has written. The stand up routines can be seem by picking them from the menu on the Youtube screen after the video ends.   I thought that since I enjoy him so much.. I would share with you all. So I have brought to you ..   Rodney Carrington... The Hillbilly With a Joke    The first and my favorite is from the movie Beer For My Horses. Rodney plays the part of Toby Keith's sidekick and co-police officer. They are driving to Mexico to rescue Toby's girlfriend who has been kidnapped. The scene takes place in a rest area where they stopped to let Rodney use the bathroom... and he meets some, as he puts it "real nice folks" in the acoustically perfect restroom.   The second is a song he wrote just for the fun of it entitled.. "I Think I'm Dancin' With a Man".. you can guess the plot on that one.. lol And finally the third is a video taken when he was a guest on the radio talk show "The Bob and Tom Show"... the song is "When My Wife Met My Girlfriend".. and yeah.. it is a hoot! HERE'S RODNEY!     Rodney Carrington...  You Make Me Want To Shout.. From the rest area bathroom scene from the movie  Beer For My Horses... Rodney Carrington...  I Think I'm Dancin' With A Man... Rodney Carrington... Recorded live at The Bob and Tom Show...  Today's The Day My Wife Met My Girlfriend...   HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT AND YOU LAUGHED OUT LOUD... I ALWAYS DO!    lockerridge

MAY 28, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED FORTY- EIGHT MY AIR, YOUR AIR, EVERYONES AIR!

MAY 28, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED FORTY- EIGHT MY AIR, YOUR AIR, EVERY ONES AIR!



Coolpap99s' Challenge

Write a poem about..............YOUR AIR!



MY AIR, YOUR AIR, EVERY ONES' AIR!
  My air   Your air Their air The Others air
That word has so many different tales It tells, from thick and muggy To what clothes you might wear..
. We have the kind of air that tells who we think we are From the Queen of a nation To the bum in a bar That is one kind of air
There there is the kind of air   That tells us if something is heavy   Or light Or maybe even just right!
Then we have just plain old air The stuff we breathe The very thing we have to have to survive For without it.. nothing can thrive
My air where I live in Arkansas Is clean and clear from springtime till winter thaw Every lungful we draw Is fit for all whom visit their ma and pa.
So here you have it What I see when asked about air Mine air is wonderful If you care
Tell me about your air   If you dare!
The End
Terri McCain/lockerridge

For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP


lockerridge  

MAY 23, 2009 SEX WITH A COWBOY.. ..

MAY 23, 2009   SEX WITH A COWBOY.. .. SEX WITH A COWBOY...  A very glamorus,, and expensively dressed blonde New Yorker with a high powered executives job, who was known as Buffy to all her close friends...  was going on vacation in Texas!  Prior to her trip ,  Buffy confided to her friends she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State.     Number One ....  She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.   Number Two.....   She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo.   AND FINALLY!....   Number Three.......   She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy .     Ten days later Buffy returned from her trip with a nice tan and blisters on her hind end from riding a horse for the first time in her life.   Her girlfriends were dying to ask her about the goals she had told them about..  Especially  about the sex. with a real live cowboy! It was just too exciting to bear it much longer in the dark.!   So when Buffy invited them all to lunch to tell all about her trip and give each one a gift from Texas, they practically ran up her arm from the waiting to find out how all had gone..   They all but pounced on her as soon as they were all seated.. "GIVE IT UP BUFFY.. TELL US " ALL " ABOUT IT!   So Buffy proceeded to relate the events of her trip..  First Question was Did you eat real Texas bar-b-que?    Buffy replied, "Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, her eyes rolled back in her head and she almost moaned .. "The taste is unbelievable!"   The girls thought this to be a good sign of tales to come.. so asked eagerly, " Did you make it to see a real live rodeo with cowboys and cows and horses?"   Buffy got a far away look in her eyes and sighed,   "I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes...those Texas cowboys have muscles on top of their muscles!  Believe it or not.. They wrestle full grown bulls!  They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground!   Heaving a large sigh, Buffy breathed..  " It is just incredible!"   Not being able to stand one more second of suspense the friends all asked in unison,"    "Well tell us , did you have sex with a real cowboy?" Buffys' eyes grew huge in her face and a stricken look appeared, and she exclaimed,"   "Are you kidding me?!"    When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans,   NO WAY COULD I HANDLE THAT!!!!"   BROUGHT TO YOU BY... lockerridge

MAY 21, 2009 IN 1924 THE THINGS WE COULD THINK OF WERE AMAZING!

       

MAY 21, 2009  IN 1924  THE THINGS WE COULD THINK OF WERE AMAZING!          The M29 Weasel I received an email with a link to a video, that captured my attention completely! So I thought if I was intrigued some of you might also like to see it,  with that thought in mind, I am presenting it to you today.  In 1924 we had something in this country that is so sadly lacking today. In a time of microwave instantaneous material possession, which quality does not enter into the equation, this video of a machine invented by Armstead Motors is pretty special indeed. Here is a little of the background on the machine which eventually became the prototype for something the army used in WWII and is still using today. SOURCE:Wikipedia In the 1920s the Armstead Snow Motor was developed. When this was used to convert a Fordson tractor into a screw propelled vehicle with a single pair of cylinders; the combination became known as the Fordson Snow Devil. A film was made to show the capabilities of the vehicle as well as a Chevrolet car fitted with an Armstead Snow Motor. The film clearly shows that the vehicle copes well in snow. Steering was effected by having each cylinder receive power from a separate clutch which, depending on the position of the steering gear, engages and disengages; this results in a vehicle that is relatively manoeuvrable. The promotional film shows the Armstead snow motor hauling 20 tons of logs. In January 1926, Time magazine reported:        Having used the motor car for almost every other conceivable purpose, leading Detroit automobile makers have now organized a company entitled "Snow Motors Inc.," to put out a machine which will negotiate the deepest snowdrifts at six to eight miles an hour. The new car will consist of a Ford tractor power-plant mounted on two revolving cylinders instead of wheels—something on the order of a steam roller.  The machine has already proved its usefulness in deep snow previously unnavigable. One such machine has done the work which formerly required three teams. In Oregon a stage line uses a snow motor in its two daily round trips over the Mackenzie Pass between Eugene and Bend. Orders are already in hand from Canada, Norway, Sweden, and Alaska.  The Hudson Bay Co. has ordered a supply to maintain communications with its most northern fur-trading stations. The Royal Northwest Mounted Police have also gone into the market for snow motors, and may cease to be horsemen and become chauffeurs, to the deep regret of cinema people.  A number of prominent motor makers have also been interested in the proposition from the angle of adapting the snow motors equipment to their ordinary models. Hudson, Dodge and Chevrolet are mentioned especially as interested in practical possibilities along this line.   Armstead Snow Motors from Seeking Michigan on Vimeo.   This is a 16mm demo film of the Armstead Snow Motors Company concept snow vehicle,  filmed in 1924. There is no sound with this video. The concept is applied to a Fordson tractor and a Chevrolet automobile. The original film is part of the collections of the Archives of Michigan. See the original patent at:  Patent of Armstead Weasel  To See Video Origin Click Here lockerridge

This is for Danis eyes only!

             

WHAT DO YOU THINK SIS? I HAVE BEEN PLAYING WITH THIS SITE AND THESE TABLES TILL MY BUTT HAS SUCKED UP THE CHAIR INTO IT! I THINK THIS IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE.. YES?  I DO ANYWAY ..Lets take the loudness of the message down a bit into lower case.. let a lockie know if this is what you would like and I will send the code in email.. and tell you how to change the colors of the borders yourself!  It is too cool!I  love ya honey! terri

MAY 15, 2006 JACKSONS GIFT FROM AUNT DANI

 
MAY 15, 2006  
 JACKSONS GIFT
 FROM AUNT DANI

My bestest friend here .. Dani..  has sent Jackson a toy he thinks is just wonderful! I made a little video to show his Aunt Dani just how much he loves it…  You will notice the total destruction of my house. This is a direct result of having a 10 week old puppy living in your home... How he gets the black stuff on the kitchen floor.. I have yet to figure out. I have a tip for would be future owner of a puppy in the house.. Invest in a little machine called…

 “THE DIRT DEVIL SPOT SCRUBBER” 39.95 for the scrubber… another 10.00 for the carpet shampoo for pet odors. Best money I ever spent in my entire life besides the

 “NO BARK COLLAR” That cost me another forty bucks, but worked so well I didn't even have to put it on the dog.. just laid it on the counter and wala!
No more barking.. 
a true miracle product..

Jackson says.. "Woof Woof Woof WoOf"
...." Woof Woof WOOF!"

That means..

THANK YOU AUNT DANI!
I LOVE IT!

          ON WITH THE SHOW!

                        

lockerridge

MAY 14, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED FORTY-FOUR....

MAY 14, 2009
 UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER
ONE HUNDRED FORTY-FOUR....

I AM EVERYWHERE

   Spaceeagles' Challenge Write a poem or story using the phrase "the voluminous clouds."

I AM EVERYWHERE
I am everywhere I am in the east I am in the west I am in the south Look over there to the north I am everywhere
I can bring laughter until tears flow See the voluminous clouds of dust From the panicked feet of people Whom I have their every trust
I come into your home on wire Or float through the air wave upon wave Even printed on paper twice daily Seeking ears and eyes to assail gaily Of this I never tire
I cover the globe With those seeking To capture photos  Of those who are famous When they are disrobed
From politics to poisoned food I am always there To ruin a good mood I am happiest when people Sit and brood.
They are aware I am this way Why they even pay To see my reports of things black To listen to the words of things always dire and gray
I am the media I am everywhere If what I say is not true No one seems to care I give them all something They can share!

The End
Terri McCain/lockerridge

For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP


lockerridge

MAY 11, 2009 UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY THREE....HOMEWORK IN THE 21ST CENTURY ! ? !

MAY 11, 2009
 UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP CHALLENGE NUMBER
 ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY THREE....
HOMEWORK IN THE 21ST CENTURY








Lockerridge's Challenge Write an amusing story about a homework assignment that you had as an elementary or high school student .Just write as if you were in your kitchen, relating the story, over a cup of coffee with good friends.



The following story is a blog I posted on Yahoo 360 a couple of years ago.  I have edited it, in hopes of improving its entertainment value, by using a few of the skills I have learned from being a part of this group. It is based on a true story and is the whole story., nothing has been changed to protect anyone,  because none of us were innocent!


HOMEWORK IN THE
 TWENTY FIRST CENTURY
     I have had something come home to me recently,  that concerns the type of homework assignments that are given to the young adults about to graduate from High School.

My stepson, Jeff,  is a class member of that group of elite males and females, in the long fought for, class of seniors this year.
 He is also a member of a class with the impressive sounding name of Parenting for Responsible Young Adults.
Hummm..... I am yet to be impressed.
My reasoning in my lack of enthusiasm is this..  he is taking the class along with 17 other seniors who had to take the class so they could actually fill in their school day to get to the next class, which is truly a worthwhile and needed class.. of  keyboarding.  The placement of the class at this particular time of day, forces these students to take it or not round out their schedules.. so in essence it is a forced fluff class that the state has demanded that the schools offer and no one wants to take.

Although this is evident to most anyone who has the brains to notice a bumble bee when it flies up your nose,  the teacher of this class,  takes it seriously.
 Very seriously!
 She managed to talk the school board into buying three, not one, but three  teaching tools called,  "real babies". The price that was paid for these teaching tools, was three hundred dollars a piece!
 What ever happened to the smelly memo-graphed sheets we used to get?
 They cost what?
Half a cent each? humm......
These baby dolls come in a variety of skin colors, and of course, both sexes. Jeff got a girl baby with caucasian skin color. They are anatomically correct as well as have the ability to scream bloody murder, drink a bottle and need a diaper change.
They also will report if you handle them roughly, do not see to their immediate cry of distress, and they will go into the worst kind of hiccuping squall if they need to be burped.
 Yes, I said burped.
 They also make a cooing sound
( sounds like Marilyn Monroe and her speech to Mr. President)...
eeeeeeewwwww!

  Every sound this "real baby", made of plastic and computer chips makes, he is supposed to record in a little book that comes in the diaper bag, that holds diapers with magnetic type closures, two bottles, each carrying a computer chip which communicates with a chip inside the doll.

He has a plastic bracelet with a magnetic key attached to it,  that is permanently, attached to his wrist, for the duration of the three day homework assignment.
 It is the only way to quiet the "real baby" when it gets wound up, or so the little direction booklet tells you.
(HA!)
The real bonus in this homework assignment is that this lovely, dedicated, totally serious teacher is the one who programs the way the "real baby" is timed to do all this wondrous responsibility inducing "stuff".
( I am excited, how about ya'll?)
After I found out this Dedicated Teacher is 25, single, and not a kiddie in sight, I was seriously considering getting a motel room for the 3 days of his homework assignment but, I didn't.
 I have to report, with my entire face hanging out for you to judge, that at 3:30 in the morning, being awakened by a 17 year old male who is almost crying, and the thing from the Chuckie factory is in full wailing mode, is not a pleasant experience, like say helping with trigonometry or physics homework!

 A  phone call at that time in the morning to Ms. Dedicated teacher, did cross my mind!
 Bowing to Jeff's begging me, to just make the thing shut up, and not get him placed on the, "No Christmas Card list",  of his teacher, I promised I would not make that desirous phone call.
 What's a Mom going to do?

That phone call would probably have been the highlight of my entire year.. but I am a wuss.. and I just tried to help him shut up, "The Cyber Horror From Hell", we had in our midst.

Throughout this entire happening, Jeff's' father slept on, blissfully unaware of the chaos surrounding him.
  I have never, in my whole entire time of being a parent, had a child act like this thing did! The pitch of the crying jag it was on, never altered. It was just a constant, and never changing scream! Lord have mercy, I did everything I knew a real baby would respond to. A change, to a hiccuping kind of scream instead of this banshee from hell, kind of mind scrambling thing, we had going on,  would have me feel as though my efforts were successful in some small  way at least.
 I know I shouldn't have, but I got a screwdriver and took the plate off the battery holder and took the batteries out of the thing!

Well a Mom's gotta do what a Mom's gotta do, ya know!
Wonderful silence reigned once again in my home, except for snores from the resident head male anyway.
Jeff,  poor guy, was grateful, but also apprehensive about what his teacher would think, and what kind of grade he would get because of the interference of his parent with his responsibility homework.

 I told him if she gave him any static whatsoever,  to call me, and I would be glad to have a talk with her, and the principal, or the superintendent, and I am best friends with the president of the school board!
If you have power in these situations.. USE IT!
After about 15 minutes, we put the batteries back in cautiously, hoping for a change in mood . Its' eyes rolled wide open, and then the *************ing thing cooed at us!
 We wrote it in the notebook.
 We didn't do anything..... Honest Injun.
 At least that is our story and we are sticking to it.
He had to work the next day, so this brought about cheat number two.  He figured out how to take the magnet part off the bracelet so I could babysit.

 I put "The Resident Evil",  on the bed and went about doing the laundry folding.  It watched me from its spooky plastic eyes, that follow you wherever you go in the room.
 I left the room and located my screwdriver and shoved it in my back pocket, for emergencies and stuff.

 Just in case it did turn out to be the Chuckie Clone, as I suspected....you understand I am sure.
Jeff called to see how his baby was doing, since she had a bad night the night before.
 Maybe this homework assignment has some redeeming qualities, but they are few and far between!

I made it till just about an hour before Jeff. was to be home, and the thing wanted to get a bottle.  It makes these little," gunk, gunk" sounds, and then it coos every minute or so....... and you have to document what sound and the time it makes it, in the little notebook. The thing drank and cooed for 30 minutes....  and then it wanted to be burped.
 But it would not burp.
 I walked around for another 30 minutes bouncing it on my shoulder, patting gently on its back.  Every time I quit walking and patting, the massive earsplitting squall resumed.

 Now remember I had to also write all this down in the book.
It was time for some rescue aide from the grandfather of "The Thing From Cyber Hell"!  To my surprise.. he was willing to help me.

 He even named her Jeffrine!

 Even though he tried all his fatherly tricks, the thing still was not cooperating.
 I suddenly remembered I needed bread, or milk, or maybe mouse traps, olives, crackers...  from the store.
I was not completely cruel..  I left him my screwdriver.
Jeff finally made it home and took over.   At 2 a.m. I was still awake, listening to Jeff trying his best to do the assignment correctly, and failing miserably.  I finally got up and gave him the screwdriver. He accepted it with a slight nod of thanks, and I left quietly while he did what had to be done.

Sure wished I had promised not to call Miss Dedicated Teacher... but a promise is a promise..
I didn't promise anything about taking on the entire school system if he got a failing grade .. though.. did I?
All in all, he got a 92 on his homework, and the teacher had no inkling that the batteries had been removed.

 I really regret not getting a recording of the banshee scream. It might be the piece of evidence that some future parent needs to get out of an assault and battery charge pressed by The Dedicated Teacher.
 Hey, I am always there for a fellow tortured parent if needed, don't cha know!
As for Jeff and I..
. We did nothing at all that was not within the guidelines ...
 We were responsible and took care of the "real baby", in the best and most successful parenting way known to any human being, taking care of a microchip and plastic "Chuckie Clone".
That's our story and we are sticking to it... forever!


The End
Terri McCain/lockerridge

For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP


lockerridge  

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MAY 8, 2009... UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED FORTY TWO.. THE LYSOL BLUES

MAY 8, 2009... UNITED FRIENDS CHALLENGE NUMBER ONE HUNDRED FORTY TWO..   THE LYSOL BLUES






Caffeinatedjo's Challenge Imagine you are a country song. A very twangy, full of angst country song. Write the words and/or chorus to your song, including the line: "I found a moldy potato under my fridge." Please Note: Rhyming is optional.



 
THE LYSOL BLUES


Where have all my friends gone What can I do to bring them back Where oh where are my dog and cat I feel so lost and alone, I opened up the door And the neighbors ran from the smell Coming from the wind blown   Out from my home
chorus I been sprayin' and prayin' gallons of Lysol I have been buyin' losing this smell is so tryin' I got the lysol blues
Searchin' for the source Of this stench is taking a long course No one will help me I am so filled with remorse No one will come near me The smell has invaded  my clothes My hair, even my bath robe Why has this happened to me Momma oh Momma what can it be
chorus I been sprayin' and prayin' gallons of Lysol I have been buyin' losing this smell is so tryin' I got the lysol blues
I may have the answer If I do I will become a happy dancer I peered beneath my refrigerator today To give that hidden place a good spray I saw the problem way back in the dark   A moldy tater had chosen that place to park
chorus I been sprayin' and prayin' gallons of Lysol I have been buyin' losing this smell is so tryin' I got the lysol blues
I sprayed and I prayed I heaved and I shoved That fridge just won't budge! What can I do now Where will I turn To the internet is my last hope To rid myself of this moldy tater It is the only thing left to me Oh please bring me a train full of help I just can't cope!
chorus I been sprayin' and prayin' gallons of Lysol I have been buyin' losing this smell is so tryin' I got the lysol blues

I posted an ad in Craigs List
The one place I knew that they would get my jist
"Please come to the rescue!"
"I found a moldy potato under my fridge"
ohhhhhhh ....

I been sprayin'
and prayin'
gallons of lysol I been buyin'
losing this smell in so tryin'
I got the lysol blues
They came  and they dug out that moldy tater They heaved and shoved and ran the water hose I sprayed and I prayed I mopped and I sprayed Then I opened up the door
And my neighbors sniffed the air They came  to give me a hug But left until I sprayed the living room rug
Happiest of days are now mine Even my dog and my cat I did find
I had a smile on my face..
until..
I opened the bill from the cleaning crew Now I sing a new song about a different kind of blues
I got the bankruptcy court bluessssssssss!

AHHHHA....

Terri McCain/lockerridge


For more poems and stories click the link below UNITED FRIENDS WRITERS GROUP


lockerridge