It came to an end today. My Aunt Emma Jean passed away at 4:45p.m. Tuesday July 18,2006. I was the last person she saw in her life. I wish it were not so, that she had to go. But Ialso feel at peace for her. She hurts no more. She crys no more. She is bewildered no more. For she was no more Emma Jean here on this earth. She was not the woman I remember when I was small who washed my hair with rain water, to make it shine and feel soft. She was not the lady who made things happen if she desired them to. She was no longer anyone she liked to be. She was a stranger to herself and to us, her family. She is now Emma Jean once more in the presence, in the very room with all of God's Glory shining around and down upon her bent head and she kneels before God to receive His gift of eternal life. I feel at peace for her soul. The golden light in the photo I have as my heading for this, her last blog, is the sort of healing warmth,I feel she is surrounded with. I took this photo as I was going home from caring for her one day.Ithad started to thunderstorm just as the sun was setting. The world was filled with golden rain for a while. I stood in that golden shower,and took this photo.
She wished to be cremated and they are going to make the arrangements tomorrow. She requested to be placed in the cemetary with all of her brothers and sister( my momma) in the appropriate type grave and a marker erected for her. It will be done as she desired. I do not wish to attend these arrangements, but I have a lot of experience at it,and well if Al asks I will go.
This morning I went as usual to Al's house to take over care duty and Al told me she had slept all night without waking. He got up several times to check her and she was sleeping soundly. I figured she was glad to have gotten all of her business taken care of last night, and had finally relaxed. I did not wake her until 9:00a.m., well I tried with ice water and a cloth to wake her and wet her mouth, but she would not wake up. I did not feel I should call 911, at that time. She was sleeping deeply and had a percosett before bed as well as a lunesta. She should have been asleep. I called Al instead. He elected to come home and try to wake her himself. He tried and she roused enough to shake her head and mouth the words no, no, no, no more. He asked if she was sure and she shook her head yes. I washed her face and hands, I tucked her covers around her and I let her sleep.
Al and I talked about all of her wishes, she had begged both of us to not let her die in a hospital or nursing home. She was at the time to do one or the other of these things, as Al's finacee was not going to be able to care for her alone even with my part time help. She was lying in a sort of U shape and she was not able to bend out of it. I felt so helpless, I just kept wetting her lips and hand combing her hair. Al said he needed a few things from the store and I volunteered to go, and let him have some alone time with her. I was gone for about 3 hours, returned at around 2:30p.m. She was breathing more shallowly, but still steady. I wet her face and lips, tried to get her to take a drop or two of water from my fingertips, no avail, and left her room around 3:30p.m. I talked to Al for a while and he was calling her granddaughter for the 15th time since this morning, I went back in to check on her. It was around 4:30p.m. and she woke up when I placed the washcloth to her mouth, and shook her head at me no. I asked wasn't she thirsty, she shook her head no once again, I told her that her granddaughter was on the way and she got really agitated , shaking her head and moving it from side to side saying no, no, with her lips. I calmed her by telling her she did not have to do anything she did not want to do. I went out to get Al and tell him she was awake . We needed to get some liquids into her and call 911. If she was lucid and could recognize me, she was not going to go today. We could still help her maybe, but when we went back in at 5:10 p.m. she was gone. Gone.........gone.......
Coroners and Ems vehicles and the funeral home all made the parade today and it is over for the physical pains, and mental suffering she so bravely withstood to make everything right for her family. She was one of the bravest women ever to be born. I am envious of her place to which she sees all of our family waiting for her. Today marks the end of Emma Jeans beginning. And the new beginning from that ending. Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.
lockerridge
