Hello everyone, the locke is back and not 100 percent, but maybe 89.3 percent right in the head again! But I suppose that remains to be proven, eh? hehe
I thought you might enjoy a Homer and his horse story this evening, so this is one of the best I can remember. The most of them I can't relate as to get the feel of the day,it would be considered at least R rated,for bad language!
Homer had a horse named Dusty. I say had, because this summer the old feller passed on to horsie heaven, and he is sorely missed. Dusty was one of the smartest animals I ever met. He was a stud horse and thought he was God's gift to lady type horses. He was also the worst joker I have ever seen in my life. He was a part of the family. He drank Pepsi from the bottle, made the wildest looking O with his mouth and could suck a 2 liter bottle dry in seconds! He would drink tea from a cup, if it was full, and crunch the ice up. He was a dandy fine friend to have if you needed a baby sitter. He would play hide and go seek with the kids, running and finding them. It was hilarious, the kids would get so mad because he always gave them up as to their hiding places. And he loved to shoot off fireworks. He would run and snort and hang over the fence while they lit them and when they ran so did he. lol He was a reincarnated relative of Homers I am pretty sure. He loved Homer to an obessive embarrassing kind of thing at times. All Homer had to do was urge him and he would jump over anything, swim through anything. He was Homers right hand horse.
But this one time I remember it was a day in September and Homer always rode him in the annual county fair parade. For the parade the riders in Homer's riding clubwore white long sleeved shirts and jeans and of course a cowboy hat. Homer had a brand new Resistol (high dollar piece of straw, I bought him) which he was very particular with. hehe
He took Dusty to the parade starting line up,I was there for no other reason that I can think of except Homer said,"come on!". Dusty had not seen a girl type horse in a long time, I mean a looooonnnngggg time. There were a lot of very pretty girl type horses there. It was a mass hysteria moment until Homer convinced Dusty that women were evil and he should not even look at them. This lesson was administered with a hand to the ear of the horse and a few stern words spoken.
So the parade proceeded and he was a model of horsey edicate and never missed a beat. Then he reached the end of his duty ride and of course thought he should be able to go and court at least one of the beautiful lady horses there. It did not help that they thought he was one nice hunk of horseflesh, with whinneys and whickers and neighs all around him, Dusty was looking good now!
It was not in Homers plan though for this kind of thing to take place,and was Dusty ever pissssssed! I mean madder than a hornet when he had to get back in the trailer and go home. Now comes the hilarious part.
Homer put him back in the pasture and the wind whipped around and blew Homers fabulous Resistol hat off his head. He started for it, and Dusty beat him to it! Homer said ," Now okay, you ignorant piece of "xhxgdiuehbffjdidjz" give me back my hat", and started toward him. He was almost up to him, when Dusty threw up his head, whinned, and ran about 20 ft. and stopped. Homer, talking constantly in this conjoling kind of voice, stepped forward, till he got about 3 ft away and Dusty threw up his head and ran 20 ft. and whinned!
This song and dance went on for a good hour. Every time Homer would get almost to the horse he would throw his head up and almost kick him in the head,run 20 ft. , stop, whinney, and snort. Homer would then stand there. I was quite a ways from them, but I could tell he was sweet talking him at first. You know like this," Now Dusty, you know you don't want to hurt that hat. Put it down and I will let you have a Budweiser, really the whole can all to yourself. Just put down the hat and I will get it out of the ice chest, all cold , just like you like it."
Dusty was not buying anything he had to say, he was making him suffer, and loving every second of it! heheheheehee I laughed until I could not breathe. The horse had the upper hand and he knew it. I began to realize that Homer was not playing around any more when he picked up a rock and tried to hit him in the head with it, and the horse apparently figured this out about the same time I did. He threw up his tail and went about 30 feet, dropped the hat, and snorted. Homer smiled,thinking to himself he had won. Homer went forward till he got to the point of bending over the pick it up. Dusty grabbed it,hauled butt for about 30 ft. stopped, dropped it, whinned, and then raised his tail and pooped! OMG! I was losing consiousness from lack of oxygen from laughing so hard!
I made it to the fence in time to hear Homer say,"Dusty, You sorry can of Alpo, I want my hat now!"
Of course, Dusty being a 1200 lb horse with 4 feet, was not in the least bit worried about this 140 lb male human with only 2 feet. Grabs the hat and runs about 30 ft. and shakes his head at him! Homer went balistic! " Dusty you sorry MF, get over here and drop my GD hat right now!" I guess by this time Dusty was getting tired of the game, so he waited for Homer to get about 6 ft. from him and then dropped it into his water tank! Lifted his tail and headed for the back of the pasture, putting about 40 acres between him and Homer! I lost consiousness at this point.
Me being a very smart woman, and having experienced his kind of , lets say anger, I headed for the back of the house without a word passing this ladies lips! After about 30 minutes, I heard Homer coming in the back door. When I looked he had on his high dollar, present from me for his birthday, fancy straw Resistol hat. It was chewed all the way around the edges, had grass stains in the top part, the hat band was gone but the feather was still hanging down at this funny angle, and his crisp white shirt was a really awful green and brown camoflage type paint color. Homer had a look on his face that told me that if I laughed he was not going to take it in the usual good natured Homer style. I left the room.
The new super fabulous high dollar piece of straw was now a horse bitten work hat! I stayed out of the room a long time you guys, I just could not control myself on this one. lol
After the second day of Dusty not coming to get his daily ration of grain, Homer got a Budweiser from the icebox and hunted him up. They all but kissed on the lips! Disgusting, I told you it was embarrassing to watch those two sometimes! But you know that is the only time I can remember not having my camcorder battery charged up, and wouldn't you know it, now they got UTube and Homer could become a star, and Dusty his leading lady!
hehehehee don't ya just love it!
lockerridge
