A HOMER AND ME STORY
A LOCKERRIDGE SUMMER ROMANCE..
(CLICK ME ON PLEASE)
A TRAGIC STORY OF A LOVE TRIANGLE WITH ONLY ONE SIDE...
A FOWL STORY FROM THE VERY BEGINNING...
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HER NAME IS...
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THE SILENT
STALKER OF THE NIGHT...
HIS IS HOMER...
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THE HUMAN WITH THE FAKE...
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LOCKERRIDGE
THE ONE, WHO IS SITTING OVER
THERE UNDER THE TREE...
LAUGHING
HERSELF SILLY!
THE DRAMA BEGINS.... HEHEHE! I LOVE IT!
Homer has a friend who is a DNA cross between McGyver and the Tasmanian Devil... he is really good at manufacturing any kind of thing he might happen to think he needs from basically a pile of junk.. of course it is not without its drawbacks.. hehehe
His name shall be called for the sake of privacy... Pete... the putter king.
Pete was in a car accident some years ago and is permanently disabled at a very young age.. which if you are familar with the Disablity payout amounts, means he had not worked enough years to draw any other amount of money to live on a month, except the below poverty amount the government says is all we need to survive.. 580 dollars a month..
So he has had to learn to live and work smart to survive.. thus the McGyver personality was born..
He and Homer go hunting once in a while and Pete even makes his own lure calls.. hehehe.. Most of the time.. the only thing he calls up with one of them is his girlfriend, who takes it away from him and burns it..
they are just a little bit annoying at times.. like when he is building one and sitting on the carport right in front of the open back door.. 
Homer and he sit like this on warm summer evenings, while his girlfriend and I fix the never ending list of food, they insist they need to maintain the proper sugar levels for the genius factors that their brains are capable of achieving...
I myself have seen several episodes of factors achieving maximum
sound velocity..
but no genius happenings have wowed me yet...
hee hee hee!
This special talent is being used as a "something cool to do "
while the Arkansas redneck hunters club
start making preparations to start ........
The countdown to that celebration of a good life....
that the men of the redneck,good ole boy type..
from the back..backwoods of Arkansas live for each year...
Deer Camp 2007
The Deer Hunters Creed...
It shall come upon the men of the Homer mentality and bring with it a fever surpassing everything in the history of man..
the smell of gunpowder in the air..
the taste of dirt in their food..
THE ANNUAL HUNT FOR THE....
ONE SHOT.. DROP 'EM.....
BIG BUCK DEER!
They go to sleep at night and their dreams consist of newspaper articles on the front page with their pics, proclaiming them to be the new and improved record holder of.......(drum roll)
THE ONLY ONE EVER TAKEN .... IN THE ENTIRE WORLD...
THE 50 POINT BUCK !!!!
THE GLORY WOULD LIVE ON FOREVER!!!
heheheheee...
Men are really, really, really into some really different types of entertainment ..
I am absolutely sure of that fact.... 
amen girls..?
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AMEN LOCKIE!
I knew you were with me all the way!!!
But what gets me is the women who belong to these idiots.. we actually cook and carry stuff to them in the woods, so they don't miss that homey feeling we provide for them and want to leave their camping trip early to return home to us....
HEY... HEHEHEE!
maybe we are not so crazy after all! heheheee
...................................................
This fabulous event does not occur until the first Saturday in the month of November.. so to while away the time inbetween using the turkey lure calls in the Spring.. and buying girl deer pee in a bottle at Walmart to lure boy deer into their lock and load range..
They are using the internet instuctions I have downloaded for them and printed out to make and call the Rain Crow.. or in my part of the country.. we just call them.. those owls with the really scary sounding hoots..
They have spread out in a 180 degree circumference, a large and varied supply of all things which can be blowed into and produce a sound of sorts..
then they have all types of small, and probably pain inducing objects, if I step on one of them...
thingies to put into the other objects, to make even more varied sounds. All this and every kind of wire they have bits and pieces of.. wrenches, pliers, duct tape, silcone sealer, string..
Juicy Fruit chewing gum. ? . 
don't even ask!
don't even ask!and every kind of plier ever manufactured in the entire world in the last 50 years.. and a can of WD40....
When I saw the duct tape and WD40, I began to have hope this
just might work out for the guys... hehehe
Pete's girlfriend.. Petunia.. () and I were blasted from our chairs suddenly by this really horrible screech that sort of continued to vibrate the air for several, very estrogen disrupting minutes...
) and I were blasted from our chairs suddenly by this really horrible screech that sort of continued to vibrate the air for several, very estrogen disrupting minutes...Petunia dashed outside and went over to the laboratory .. hehe.. and said, " Pete... I swear to all that I love to eat.. I am not listening to that over and over while you fine tune it to get it just "owl perfect"!!!!!
Pete being the mix of DNA that he has .. knew it was time to do field experiments with the protype of the Love Me Tender Scary Owl Call.. got up and started gathering up their instuments that all geniuses must have to achieve genius peak points of invention magic,
( that and he recognized the pitch of estrogen scrambled hysteria he had produced and was terrified for his lips to remain in tact) told Homer they needed to try it out in the woods by the pond.. more owly type looking place to work..
( that and he recognized the pitch of estrogen scrambled hysteria he had produced and was terrified for his lips to remain in tact) told Homer they needed to try it out in the woods by the pond.. more owly type looking place to work..We could hear them off and on for over an hour... hehehee.. the cows went to the other end of the pasture and stood in a tightly packed knot.. mooing at the house for Petunia to go and do something about Pete.. hehehee.. poor bovines..
The two dogs and the cat.. came over and sat as close to us as they could without getting yelled at to stop using up all the space..
We could hear the Tater Bug... ( Pete's 1983 Sazuki Samurai... one headlight that only works on dim and 4 tires of no matching size) chugging up the hill and knew that they were finished with the Scary Owl Call .. the new had worn off the toy by now..
They both had these black circles on both upper and lower lips in the pucker zone.. hehehee
from the piece of gas pipe they were using, doused with Wd 40.. Homer had to borrow a toothbrush .... he is a wuss.. hehehe
.. he is a wuss.. heheheWe played a game of Rook and every time Pete and Homer would catch a particularly damaging trick.. one of them would run outside and blow the Scary Owl Call.. it is funny now.. but then.. 
We decided to go home after the game and when we stepped outside to get in the car..
all of a sudden.. there was a ......
WHOOSH!
AND THEN RIGHT BESIDE HOMER
THE VERY SAME KIND OF
SCARY OWL LET OUT HER
WHOOOOOOOWHOOOWOWWWWIEEEE!
OMG!
HOMER HAULED ASS! HE HASN'T GOT THAT MUCH TO CARRY IN THE ASS DEPARTMENT ..HEHEHEHEHEEHEHEEE... SO HE WAS DOING AT LEAST 20 MPH..
DOWNHILL ....
WITH THE OWL IN HOT PURSUIT!!!!
I layed down right there in the dirt and WD40 and just rolled!
Pete had jumped into Tater Bug.. and Petunia had ran and gotten the 410.. and was busy taking off the safety and trying to sight in the owl without getting Homer in the shot too.. remember it is pitch black .. no moon night.. she put the gun up when she saw me having a bust a rib belly laugh ...
then she started to chuckle 
and then giggle..
and then she was laying on the ground with me.. gasping for air..
and then giggle.. and then she was laying on the ground with me.. gasping for air..We saw Pete slowing down to let Homer jump into the Tater Bug.. and turn around as fast as little Tater would allow..
Petunia said, " Watch This!"
She slipped the Scary Owl Call into her back pocket and waited for them to chug to a stop..
Poor Homer.... hehehe.. He was wringing wet with sweat and still couldn't catch his breath.. but trying to talk all the same..
In a really high halting voice he stuttered out.." WTF.. was that damn thing that was chasing me?"
" It kept swooping down and hitting my hat with its claws.. and flapping it wings and I think I had a out of body experience...
"
"I got a hold of myself.. had to, was about to lose the last shred of control over my bladder muscle control..
. and said,
. and said, " She just wants to have her way with you and give birth to little whooomers!"
Then Petunia did what I knew was coming.. but still was not prepared for the reaction it caused in Homer..
She turned with her back to us and took a big breath and blew the Scary Owl Call!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!
Homer grabbed his crotch and fell to the ground rolling under the truck!
I had on a shirt over a tank top, so I pulled the shirt off and handed it to him under the truck.. he put it over his head
put both hands protectively over his favorite body part ....
and jumped into the open truck door, and locked it!
hehehehehehee!
We haven't gone to Pete and Petunia's for supper and a game of cards lately...
or at night time.. when there is no moon ...
and Whoooowhamie
is husband hunting..
Just another day living life with my Homer..
He is ..... Simply Irresistible!
... Simply Irresistible!lockerridge