THIS IS STORY I FOUND ONE DAY WHEN GOING THROUGH SOME OF MY GRANDMOTHERS THINGS. I ALWAYS KNEW MY GRANNY WAS A CUT UP, BUT THIS STORY MADE ME JUST LAUGH UNTIL I CRIED! AND THEN I CRIED CAUSE I JUST CRIED. AW WELL, HERE IT IS IN ALL ITS COMIC GLORY, I TRULY HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS MUCH I DID. NOW REMEMBER MY GRANNY WOULD HAVE BEEN WELL OVER 90 TODAY IF SHE WERE HERE, AND THIS STORY WAS IN HER THINGS FROM THE YEAR 1967. SO IT IS SOMETHING THAT WILL NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE.
THE VAIN MAN
THERE ONCE WAS A VAIN YOUNG MAN. HE SPENT SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY ON HIS LOOKS, HE HAD TO TAKE ON A SECOND JOB TO HAVE THE MONEY TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF AS HE THOUGHT HIS WONDEROUS BODY DESERVED.
HE WOULD GET UP AN HOUR EARLY EVERY MORNING JUST TO LOOK AT HIS BODY TO MAKE SURE IT WAS ALL AS SUPERB AS HE KNEW IT TO BE. HE SPENT SO MUCH ON LOTIONS AND POTIONS, BARBERS, AND MASSAGES , AND SPAS, THAT HE HAD NO MONEY LEFT TO SAVE AT ALL!
ON ONE SUCH MORNING HE GOT UP AS USUAL AND SPENT THE REQUIRED TIME IN FRONT OF HIS MIRRORED WALLS( ALL FOUR WALLS OF HIS BATHROOM AND BEDROOM WERE MIRRORED) ADMIRING HIS BODY WHEN HE NOTICED THAT HIS WHOLE BODY WAS WONDERFULLY, AND EVENLY TANNED EXCEPT HIS PENIS.
HE WAS DEVASTATED! THIS WOULD NEVER DO! OH NO!THE ONLY THING TO DO WOULD BE TAKE THE DAY OFF FROM HIS JOBS, AND GO TO THE BEACH AND REMEMDY THIS PROBLEM RIGHT AWAY! SO HE CALLED HIS BOSSES AND TOLD THEM HE WAS ILL WITH A MOST SERIOUS PROBLEM, (WHICH OF COURSE TO HIM WAS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH!) AND THREW HIS SHOVEL AND BEACH STUFF INTO HIS CAR AND HEADED FOR THE BEACH.
UPON ARRIVAL HE WENT TO A SECLUDED SECTION HE KNEW OF AND UNDRESSED, WHEN HE WAS NUDE HE DUG A HOLE IN THE SAND LAY HIS TOWEL IN IT AND LAY DOWN. HE THEN COVERED HIMSELF COMPLETELY WITH SAND, PUTTING A STRAW IN HIS MOUTH TO BREATH THROUGH , AND OF COURSE LEAVING HIS PALE PENIS STICKING UP OUT OF THE SAND. THIS TO FIX THE PROBLEM OF THE UNEVEN TAN , YOU UNDERSTAND.
IT SO HAPPENED THAT TWO SPINSTER SISTERS LIVED UPON THE BEACH IN THE AREA AND TOOK A WALK EACH DAY ON THE BEACH. THEY WERE ELDERLY DARLINGS, THE OLDEST WALKED WITH A CANE. THEIR NAMES WERE EDNA AND MYRTLE.
WALKING ALONG ALL OF A SUDDEN THE YOUNGER SISTER, EDNA, SAW THE VAIN MAN'S PENIS STICKING OUT OF THE SAND. SHE CALLED OUT, " MYRTLE, COME AND SEE THIS STRANGE PLANT." MYRTLE WALKED SLOWLY TOWARD HER SISTER AND UNPON ARRIVAL TOOK HER CANE AND PUSHED THE PENIS PLANT TO AND FRO, LOOKING AT IT INTENTLY.
SHE THEN EXCLAIMED, " EDNA, WHEN I WAS 20 I WAS AFRAID OF THEM
WHEN I WAS 30 I KNEW ABOUT THEM BUT DIDN'T REALLY CARE FOR THEM
WHEN I WAS 40 I GREW INTERESTED
WHEN I WAS 50 I ASKED FOR THEM
WHEN I WAS 60 I PAID FOR THEM
NOW THAT I AM 70 THE DAMN THINGS ARE GROWING WILD AND I AM TOO OLD TO SQUAT!"
FROM THE ARCHIVES OF MY BELOVED GRANNY.
AND YOU WONDER WHERE I GET IT FROM! HEHEHE
lockerridge
