In case I haven't told you guys what Homer does for a living, he is a heavy machine operator ( you know the ones, The Big Tonka Toys) for a company that builds everything from Arbys to laying water lines for the water company. He operates the stuff that has tires and tracks taller than he is! And if I say so myself, the dude is really good at it. He has been with this same company now for a long time and has worked his way up in the ranks. He is now the guy his boss tells everyone to ask how to do stuff while he goes fishing. Homer is just good natured enough to take on the responsiblity without screaming for a raise. Or is that just not paying too close attention, instead of good natured? Humm have to look that up in the webster. hehe
No, he is just a good guy. Lets people take advantage of him sometimes, but he is still my Homey and I would not trade him for lets say, a dollar and a quarter, by any means. Now, if you offered me Keith Urban, it would be no contest, but I hear Keith is out of the running, sigh! love that guys music and ooooeeeee he is pretty too! ( sorry, got this thing about Keith Urban, could you tell? hehe) But this story is about the week his boss went on vacation and left Homer in charge of the crew, with a major pad to be made in the middle of the,( I compare it to the Amazon) woods. Homer and he took 4 wheelers the day before he left, and drove all over the site, with instructions given, and written down. It was a really nice warm sunshiny day, not a cloud in sight.
The minute his boss left, it got dark and it started to rain, 3 inches by morning. Homer cheerfully got up and took off in the service truck to ground zero. No one had told them that when it rained the middle of the place swamped out. Held water like the Hoover Dam! He had a pond with trees growing out of it, and a time table of 5 days to complete said job, or penalties began. umhum! What to do, what to do? He tried to call his boss, cell phone was out of service. He tried to call the people who were hiring the job done. No one was in the office. So what did Homer do? He called me. 
Not because I am a whiz at working with the big Tonka Toys like he is, but because he needed to tell somebody, and in doing so maybe work out the solution by telling it. Get it! I am his therapist. He drives me crazy doing this kind of thing, cause of course you know I can come up with a solution, even though I am dumb as a box of rocks about the subject. All women are this way, we never get to spit it out though, and that is why the insurance rates are so high, we go to the doctor a lot for valium. The wonder drug invented for married women with husbands named Homer, children with dedicated teachers, children who love to blow up things, and small white dogs who think they are godzilla. It is the truth, look it up in wikipedia, it is there. I wouldn't lie to you guys, nope not me! heheheehee
Any way after he jabbered at me for a while, I broke in and said, "Do you have the entire crew standing around doing nothing, except looking at you kind of crosseyed?" He replied, " Why do you ask?" 
heheheehee You know and I know they were all standing around looking crosseyed, but he would never admit it. I didn't say anything except, "Hey, why couldn't ya'll push down the trees on the outside of the swamp? It should be easy to do with the ground so swampy." I thought it brilliant, Homer thought he might give it a try, I should have let the answering machine pick up and take his call instead of answering in the first place.
( see photo above, this is not an actual photo of the dozer, this is a backhoe that I found somewhere to give you an idea of the glop they were working in) It were a disaster people, pure and simple disaster. He got out there on the big bulldozer, and started pushing down trees, it was going well, so he yelled at the other dozer driver to hop to it. He did, he was not as good as Homer, and though Homer told him where to not go, he went anyway. Sunk up to the cab of the dozer. Homer cussed. Homer cried. Homer was upset! He called me again, after he sent the rest of the crew to get the big track hoe to pull him out. It was going to take his dozer plus the track hoe to get him out of the swamp from hell. He didn't say much of anything, except your idea was not a very workable plan, honey. Make me a nice lunch will ya, and I am coming home to eat it. By the way could you please lay out some clean clothes for me and maybe run a tub of water. I might be a little muddy. ( OMG!)
Sometimes I feel like those women in the Tide commercials, who have the kids who deliberately run through the mud puddles, leak ice cream down their fronts, and have dogs who just love the kids so much they knock them down and muddy them all over while the kids laugh hysterically. If I let Homers clothes dry out good, I could stand them into the corner and they would not fall down! Looks like a scarecrow, with a horsebitten hat for a head! hehe This was just such a day.
I fixed a decent lunch, and he came roaring into the driveway, with the fenders of the truck invisible, behind the red clay all over the sides of the truck. I hid my eyes. I peeked at Homer. Should have just gone, and stayed the day gopher hunting or something. You could not tell he was a made of flesh man. He looked like something out of the movie " The Black Lagoon". To make this shorter. If I had put him into a kiln, he could have been used as a fountain statue! A red clay fountain statue.
He stopped at the back door and asked about the tub of water. I said, "After we take the hose to you okay?" He went for it ! Well, after the morning he had, I suppose the water hose wash down was not all that bad of a thing. hehehe. Poor baby!
They had managed to pull the dozer out, but the fellow driving it had not shut it off immediately upon sinking. This is a bad thing people. Water and diesel engines do not mix. let alone water, and mud, and diesel engines. He said, "I sent everyone home, I am doing nothing else until I get a hold of my boss, and if he does not like it, well I guess, you will have to go get a job when I get fired." 
But, But, But, but, umm, well, okay. sigh
Boss man called Homer that night ,and after the story was told, his boss laughed. Yeah, he laughed. The man knows how it goes, you know. He had left him in charge, he had given him instruction, timetable, and then turned off his phone. He called the people who had hired them and explained about the Hoover Dam swamp thing that was happpening, and got them an extension. I didn't ask him about the dozer, and it being kind of gunked up on the inside as well as the outside, I think I will just let that one lay where it got dropped!
um hummm, I hummmed as I used 3 bottles of Spray and Wash, and washed his clothes 5 times, washing the washer out inbetween washings.sigh! It is just another day of life, if your partner operates The Big Tonka Toys.
hehehehehe
lockerridge
