AUGUST 11, 2008
To all intents and purposes most of the time my life is pretty relaxed and simple.. but then I get to thinking about all the stuff that happens around here... and maybe I am just used to things being pretty unnormal if you will pardon the bad use of the English language..
Take for instance this summer of 2008. It has rained so much I actually had mildew forming on top of the fungus which formed everywhere I did not hit with bleach on a daily basis.. the weather has been cool for the most part which is a blessing I suppose.. until it goes from 85 degrees and flood stage to 105 degrees and it was a steambath.. the grass the leaves and most importantly me.. sort of turned crispy red and brown over night. Then the bugs started hatching in record numbers.. mosquito's.. sure.. houseflies.. okay.. but my gosh at the fleas and ticks.. my poor dogs.. sigh.. flea collars, dog dip, flea spray, the expensive stuff you get at the vet that does not work, and just plain old sitting and picking the things off them with tweezers is taking up a lot of time and budget ..
Herbie .. if he sees one of us coming out of the door just falls down and rolls over and lays there.. lol.. he really, really hates being tick picked, ya know!
ah.. but that is just the beginning..
Homers horse.. Artie.. or as she is affectionately known to us by Homer as "psycho bitch horse from hell".. decides she wants to become the neighbors horse. The neighbors are all up for this idea until she actually gets over the fence and eats neighbor ladies flowers and poops on the fancy lawn furniture! hehehe.. Homer told 'em don't feed her all the time and braid her mane and call her up to show all your friends.. then maybe she won't do that any more .. but don't get mad at me because she did it .. city folk move to the country and get real confused as to just what is their fault and what is yours.. ya know! hehehe.. I kind of thought it was" just deserves" but then again maybe I shouldn't be that way.. ..
hehehe..
yeah it was funny!
The man who owns the property across the road from me decides to plow up the 5 acres that the house is not sitting on ( it is vacant) and plant watermelons.. sigh.. he plowed and plowed and plowed and plowed and plowed .. sigh.. and plowed some more.. everyday for at at least two weeks .. all day long.. I couldn't even hear the television over the guys tractor.. and he is a slow plower with the use of a lot of power .. I suppose he thinks it will do a better job if he has the thing in the low side of the gear box running about 2000 rpms plowing this dirt... wommmm wommm wommm belch wommm wommm .. screeeech ( hit a rock) woooommm woooommm belch.. sigh..
Well this ended and I thought I was doing okay for a while.. .. then.. about a month ago.. I was sitting at the keyboard and booooom! Sounds like a shotgun being shot in my front yard! BOOOM BOOOM BOOM!
EEEK!
I went to the window and peeked out the blinds.. Nothing.. humm.. booom Boomm Booom !
Now wait a dad gum minute!
Okay.. the deer were getting into the melon patch so he buys one of those cannon things that uses butane to boom out and you can put them on a timer to chase the deer away..
Which does not work. The deer hear it, and they look up and do the deer thing.. smell the air.. then go back to destroying the melons.. but he just can't see it being the case, so he sets this thing to go off every thirty minutes.. this of course incites Herbie to do his bark at the shadows of anything that moves.. 
This causes me to go to Walmart and spend 40 dollars on a no bark collar.. which I have to say is the best product I have ever bought.. I brought it home.. and layed it on the counter and the dog has not had a nightime barking fest since then.. never even put it on him.. tell me they are not mind readers I will tell you .. HAH!...
This fella who has caused all this for me, does not live here.. he just drives the people who live here nuts.. sigh.. but he is older and I am a wuss when it comes to old folks cause I am almost one myself.. so I let it slide..
But you would think the County cop who moved in across from him a little way from me would say something.. no all this idiot can do is call the fire dept. when Homer is out burning the fence rows with gasoline in the rain .. he ran out of gas in the sprayer and just for about 5 minutes left the flame which when he quit spraying it with the gas just smoked.. and this dumb ass cop calls the fire dept to come and put out the grass fire in his neighborhood..
OMG!! Homer was fit to be tied...
I again..
Thought it was funny..
All the neighbors were out at the road trying to see what was on fire.. and the guy in the fire truck pulled up in my yard and hehehe... just shook his head .. started to leave and the cop made him spray water on it anyway.. even though it was raining!!!
City folks sure get confused don't they.. when they move to the country.. lol.. They do if they think a wildfire is gona break out in a thunderstorm anyway!
I know a lot of my internet friends are city dwellers and I am not lumping all of you guys into this arena... but .. boy howdy.. boy howdy is all I can say..
Then it is time for the walnuts to start getting big enough for my neighbor, Leon the squirrel and his family, to gather at my house once again.. so add to the boom of the canon.. the banging of the walnuts onto the roof of the mobile home again.. so it goes kind of like this .. boom... bang bang bang boom... boom.. bang bang boom bang .. and then I hear the scurry of little feet and Herbie and Prissy sees Leon and OMG! The barking and howling and the scurring and the booming and well you get the picture huh?
Think this all...
Oh ye of little knowledge...
I have a new visitor.. well let me make that two new visitors.. One night as I lay sleeping soundly.. (yeah right) I am awakened by the sound of something gnawing on my airconditoner vent by my bed. I elbowed Homer and made him listen.. I have been blessed by a rat moving into the underneath of my mobile home..
sigh.. I didn't even get freaked out..
Why bother ya know..
So back to the store I go.. I get this stuff called Blue Death.. Yeah Buddy! Got skulls and crossbones and threats of cancer in California all over the package.. this ought to do the ratdude in for sure.. so I put it into several containers.. rip holes in the black stuff that covers the insulation and insert said death of blue type into the rat home headquarters..
Well.. we wait.. nightfall comes..
No sound of gnawing or running on top of the vent ductwork.. humm.. Blue Death is doing its job.. until.. (you knew that was coming didn't you) about a week later..
GNAW GNAW GNAW!
and then
BANG.. TWANG.. POW.. ZIP AND ALL THAT OTHER BATMAN LANGUAGE..
NOT ONLY DO I HAVE A RAT.. HE BROUGHT HIS CAT WITH HIM!
This sounds like a good thing huh? Not when you have dogs who hate cats.. and cats who only chase rats and never catch them because the damn dogs won't leave the cat alone! So the cat ends up on top of the house .. running around.. and the dogs do the entire orbit of the trailer at least twelve times.. By the thirteenth time around the house Homer or I one is outside screaming at anything that is feline or canine or rodent, to get the hell out of our air space! This only happens at two or three a.m.. and not on a regular schedule so I could be prepared for it.. sigh.. sigh... sigh..
So yeah that is my uneventful normal type life .. on a daily basis..
hehehehee.. Pray for me!
lockerridge
