THE WISDOM OF THE AGED
TAXI CAB DRIVER CONFESSIONS
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, not suspecting he was about to become the listener to the... Wisdom of His Cab Driver...
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more! He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody"s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too -- He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his damned widow."
It turns out that Charles had gotten home early and read a bit of the old Cosmopolitan she had left out. The featured article on the cover informed him that wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.
The night went very well. The next day, Janice told her friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Charles even cleaned up the kitchen! He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. It was really an amazing evening."
"But what about the hot sex afterward?" asked her friends.
"Oh, that," Janice said. "Well, Charles was too tired...."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
MAXINE ON THE SUBJECT OF...
OR WAS THAT
"SENILITY"
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. 'Hardly worth going home, is it?' she responded.
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing About being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, ' For fast relief.'
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
WHEN ASKED WHAT WAS THE WISEST BIT OF KNOWLEDGE
HE COULD IMPART TO THE PEOPLE..
CONFUCIUS SAY...
NEVER GROW OLD..
NEVER GROW DISCOURAGED...
NEVER THINK YOUR TOO OLD TO FALL IN LOVE...
AND ALWAYS LOOK TO THE FUTURE
WHILE FONDLY REMEMBERING THE PAST...
LIFE IS WHAT IT IS...
SOME DAYS IT IS TO ENJOY...
MAKES UP FOR THE DAYS
IT IS MOSTLY TO ANNOY...
lockerridge