UNDERSTANDING THE FEMALE BUDDY BATHROOM SYSTEM....

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION OF LATE THAT MEN HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WOMEN DEAL WITH ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS.

FIRST AND FOREMOST IN OUR MINDS, IS ADHERING TO ALL OF OUR MOTHERS TEACHINGS ON THE SUBJECTS OF:

1. NEVER ALLOWING OUR BODY PARTS TO COME INTO CONTACT WITH ANYTHING WHICH IS NOT COMPLETELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT, IN PRISTINE SANITARY CONDITIONS...

2. ALWAYS HAVING THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE OF QUIET LADYLIKE DIGNITY, WITH A SLIGHT SUGGESTION OF, "I AM TOO SEXY FOR MY BODY" TWIST TO IT.

3. TO NEVER BE CAUGHT IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU HAVE NOT HAD THE FORETHOUGHT TO BRING FROM HOME, WHAT YOU WILL NEED IN A DAYS EXCURSION TO THE OUTSIDE PUBLIC WORLD.

WHERE THE CONDITIONS ARE, UNSANITARY AND THE GENERAL PUBLIC IS MOST USUALLY COMPLETELY IGNORANT OF ANY KIND OF GOOD SOCIAL GRACE AND MANNERS.

SO IN AN EFFORT TO ENLIGHTEN THE MALE GENDER I HAVE FOR YOU A STORY, OF ONE POOR FEMALE WHO HAD THE FOLLOWING EXPERIENCE, WHICH MIGHT BE DEEMED A HORROR STORY TO OUR MOTHERS.. BUT TO LOOK AT THE POSITIVE ASPECT OF IT ALL..

SHE LEARNED HOW TO DO THE POPULAR" PEE PEE DANCE" TO PERFECTION!

HER MOMMA WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PROUD!

HEHEHEHEHEEEE!

WHY WOMEN USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM WHEN GOING TO THE RESTROOM IN A PUBLIC PLACE... ..

When you have to visit a public bathroom you usually find a line of women so you smile politely and take your place.

Once it's your turn you check for feet under the stall doors, and every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall

You get in to find the door won't latch.

It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.

You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.

You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.

In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that's still in your purse.

(Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time).

That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet

"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

It's wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.

You're exhausted.

You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe.

(Where was that when I NEEDED it??)

You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.

Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms

(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).

It finally explains to the men why it takes us so long.

It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.

It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

lockerridge