AUGUST 6, 2008 CONVERSING WITH A MALE TYPE HUMAN BEING...
Well it has finally happened... I had to go to the Large setting on the font.. yep... getting to old to read Normal anymore.. sigh... Although I do enjoy the AARP thing they insisted that I had to have by the loss of at least 10,000 trees to print out the junk they sent me every day since I turned 45.. and last February when the big 50 finally hit me.. the mailbox was full everyday! I finally gave in and sent them 12.00 dollars so I wouldn't feel so guilty about the tree mass murder they had commited just for me..
Another thing that I have noticed that I never noticed before .. when having a conversation with a male type human being.. aka.. guys.. I never noticed how the conversation always leads back to their body parts or some other male human beings body parts which I won't go into much detail as to what they are..but I am sure you can guess in a half hearted way and be 100 percent correct.. it always makes a circle back to the same subject.
I just don't understand this fascination with those particular male and female portions of the body! I have really put some thought into this lately because it has become one of those conversation killers for me. I just can't get into telling a male type person about how much it cost to buy steak at the grocery store and know that we will end up talking about the part of the animal that does not produce the steak for us to eat. Well at least I hope not anyway!
I don't know about the rest of you ladies.. but that just isn't a subject which enters into my mind automatically when my mouth opens to speak words to another human type person. I have noticed that it does not matter who they are conversing with .. it always ends up in the same area of subject matter.. well probably don't talk to grandmas about it.. but mothers catch it too.. and endure it stoically.. as I am learning to do I suppose.
I wonder what they would do if I always brought the conversation around to the many diseases a woman can contract and pass on.. or could not keep my hands to myself.. I have had to be a total evil entity in my home to just keep their hands out of their pants adjusting things or whatever.. I mean good grief! I taught both of the young men whom I visit with on a regular basis that this is just not something they should do in front of a woman.. be she deserving of the respect or not.. you just DO NOT DO THAT!
I have no idea what has happened to them.. but I know what is going to happen to them if they don't try a little harder to find something to talk to me about or play with while talking to me..
IT WON'T BE THEM TALKING ABOUT HOW PRETTY THINGS ARE .. I CAN GUARANTEE THAT!
Okay .. Lockie rant is over with .. but if you read in the headlines on Yahoo homepage that a woman from Arkansas is going on the Dr. Phil show to talk about mens obsessions with certain human body parts...
IT WON'T BE ME!
HEHEHEHEH
As Jamie always says as he is going out the door.. love ya later .. bye!
lockerridge
laughing quietly to myself, lockie.
ReplyDeleteHey, this font is juuuuussst right! It's getting so bad on my work computer, I may have to leave the contacts at home and wear my glasses just to see my damn e-mail. And the spreadsheets?! They are just out of control!!!! I swear if one more person sends me a spreadsheet starting at column A and going to column ZZ in point 6 font, I may just turn into Kathy Bates!
Men,men, men. Notice the "me, me, me" in that?! Coincidence? I think not!!
And their favorite body part? I remember (yes, I was a twisted mother), taking a picture of my son playing with himself when he was about 3 mos. old. I said, "OMG! The fascination starts this young and never stops!" I'm saving that pic for when I meet his fiance'. hahahaha...nice
And just last week, a a male co-worker who has a constant issue with adjusting himself, did it again and even in front of about three people! Honestly, I just don't know if they know they're doing it. I called him on it! I said, "Dave, you're killin' me! Do you have to do that in front of me?!" The others were more embarrassed than he was!
Just for the record, how's this one: I bought a different brand of invisible deodarant and now my armpits itch like crazy! But do I walk around the office scratching myself? NO! I do it in private. lol
peace
LOL..........hi Terri! Hope you have a good day!
ReplyDeleteWait a minute, you turned 50 and you are JUST realizing that? *grin*
ReplyDeleteI mean that fact that we laugh about anything that is longer than it is wide escaped you? That our male archetects keep building stuff like the Washington monument, the Eiffel Tower, and the Leaning Tower of Piza?
I have to get you to read more Flagon. She does not put up with much of that. Like any. *wink*
-Dio
ROFL!!!!!! Another classic! hehehe
ReplyDeleteHave a great day!
huggers, lee : )
OHMYGOSH HOW FUNNY! WHERE DO YOU COME UP WITH THIS STUFF!!!!??? (I'M TYPING IN LARGE PRINT SO YOU CAN READ IT! LOL......) I too enjoy the larger type! lol...
ReplyDelete((huggs))
It wasn't me sweetie,I have no body parts to talk about.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dio.. I never had a thought about it till NOW! sigh.. lol!
ReplyDeletelol RR! I can't figure out what the world has happened to my guys I live with and gave birth to! It has gotten to be absolutely all they have on their minds it seems like.. I mean you can start out talking about a new novel or movie and within 5 minutes they have turned it to the subject of male body parts that honestly are not that attractive to start with and then they just don't add any kind of cuteness to them with their conversation... and as for the adjusting ones self in public.. I really think that they believe it to be a sign of a real man you know something like.. umm.. .. LumberjacksRUs ..
ReplyDeleteI can just imagine what it would be like if they ever got a yeast infection! No.. I take that back the mental picture is enough to cause me at least 5 therapy sessions!
hehehehee! thanks Crystal!
ReplyDeleteHi Lee! Yeah that is me alright.. Classic.. hehehe
ReplyDeleteI live with it everyday.. now isn't that a cause for celebration! hehehee
ReplyDeleteOh poor Freddie... don't worry honey.. your just a late blooming alien.. your fun with body part converation will catch up to you someday.. I am sure.. sigh..
ReplyDeleteOH! DON'T GET ME STARTED! Dang if you think your blog post was long... JUST WAIT!!
ReplyDeleteI LIVE this revolving link to the body parts of said human type persons! OMG!
If I hear one more time.. I'LL SCREAM!
example; He says; "our my clothes still in the dryer?" (dryer in basement) She says; yeah, I'll go down in a minute. He says; "ohhhh baby!" -or- "oh. now you're just teasing." -or- "COOL! HERE?"
Or say something simple like, "I'm hungry." He says.... eat me.. GROSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! Please! That's kills the hunger the humor... the day!
Try saying something innocent like, "Honey I need a hammer." He says, '' Me too lets go! HERE? You want me to lock the door? -or- COOL! evil little grin on his face! AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!
I want sausage for breakfast........ GUESS!!
Return from the store and say to the Male type human type person.. Look what I got. BAHM!
Guess what we are talking about.. or HE is talking about! B o d y PARTS!
~ shaking head now.... OHHHH I like it when you shake my head! SHUT UP!! Just don't talk to me! Okay... he says. Does any one want to know what follows this remark? I THOUGHT NOT!.
Love ya lockie..
GUYs.. HONESTLY! sometimes the man in my life. And my immediate family members male type human type relatives YOU ARE SO HIGH SCHOOL!!
Have I drawn a graphic enough picture for every one?
Nite'all. mmmm mmmm mmmmm Sure go ahead say it.. I like it when you hum!!! AAARRRRGGGGHHHH! ARGH! AH!
maybe this was not so much about P A R Ts.. but still..
ReplyDeleteLive it.. sometimes I think he would have nothing to say to me if he is not able to relate the conversation/remark back to B O D Y parts.
Nite.
Hi,I am Sandra.I was looking around and came here.I loved the story of the genie on your home page,one of the best I have ever heard....Sandra.
ReplyDeleteWill you leave my mind out of this conversation PLEASE?!?! Can't we just talk about my FEELINGS for a minute!?!?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteNah.. this ain't a long blog comment honey.. this isn't even touching upon the subject of the way they talk to each other and have to hit or something when they run out of body part subjects to talk about.. let me just put it this way.. if I hear the word Well come out of Homers mouth at any time.. I believe I will take the opportunity to quip.. " such a deep subject for a such a shallow mind"... get what I mean.. women do not sit around and discuss their feelings and trade menstral cycle information like men sit around and discuss nothing .. they use a lot of words.. but they don't really say anything which I think I could write down to be sure to remember it cause it was so profound and wise... If I ask a question hoping for wisdom.. I get it alright.. as long as it can end up with the words .. oh hell don't worry so damn much about it .. nothing is going to happen.. umm humm.. famous last words when the hail/tornado/flood/scare the piss out of a short woman storm hit.. umm hum..
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't touch that one with a ten foot pole.. and I swear to all that I hold scared TT if you use this one to make up a body part story.. I will come to Oklahoma and speak freely about mens minds.. that is the hazards of living close to one another.. not even a half days drive from one another.. think about it! hehehe.. wink
ReplyDeleteHello and welcome
ReplyDeleteI'll ge back to ya on that one
ReplyDeleteheheheh.. I can wait.. hehehe
ReplyDeleteHi Locke this blog was just too funny. Besides the boyfriend mentioning the unmentionable all the time my 2 boys are starting to include this unmentionable into their conversations. I have to put up with this for another 17 years... I just might invest some money into stocks that include ear plugs....
ReplyDeletelol, Dani: ""I'm hungry." He says.... eat me.. "
ReplyDeleteTwisted sister here...I will admit to having used this line. rofl....Totally diffeent reaction...hehehehehe
lol, good point. Thanks for the update about the Perseids, I hope the weather clears up here. :) Sheri
ReplyDeleteI have faith in Red!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the other side of life. Put on yer helmet and hang on I hear it’s goin’ to be bumpy.
ReplyDeleteWith me the topic does not go back to any particular body part… but what can be done with them.
Talkin’ bout Steak would be a natural lead in fer Tube Steak. if ya ask me. And ya did. Be careful what ya ask fer.
Now as for them there adjustments. Ever hear a tailor ask a fellow if he dresses left or right? There’s a comfort level ya know. They have a mind of there own and like to roam so ya have to put ‘em in there place (you know all about putin’ things in there place *wink*). Ya can’t very well put a collar on can ya? And if a gal can snap her bra back into place then I say “all’s fair”.
They say the male reaches his peak in his teens.
BS
From the time the voice starts to crack to the time he becomes a giant stiffy that will be on his mind. We’re pre-dispositioned to procreate.
Sunday Morning Sex
ReplyDeleteI will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny.'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even...Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,'He'd still be alive if that damn ice cream truck hadn't come along.'
So how do you really feel, Wile?! And while you're out, will you please bring back the food?! It is the man's job, you know. smiles
ReplyDeleteI beg your pardon.. adjusting a bra strap does not constitute the same action as digging into your pants and either scratching or moving stuff around and then leaving your damn hand in there! NO matter where you guys are at!
ReplyDeleteI realize that you must be chained to a maniac to behave the way you guys do.. and as for being built to procreate.. women might be just a little more receptive to that action if they were not bombarded with the full visual explaination of everything that has happened to said parts during the period of time they have not been in our presence.. you see when you are in our presence we get to hear about how everytime you need to flush your kidneys or bowels.. and then a detailed description of that process also..
guys are just gross....
face it wile.. your just gona have to get that ladder you sent to me and get over that one too..
psst.. hint.. if a woman wants to know all about that sort of thing.. she will talk dirty to you first.. you don't have to bring the subject up at all! wink! lockie over and out on this subject... it has come to a standstill for a while in my house.. due to bitchatude.. and that is a pity also.. should not have to waste a bitchy attitude on something so basic as good manners..
Joke was funny though!
ReplyDeletehmmm, ''bitchatude'' YEP! got it! I freely, willingly and frequently give IT!!
ReplyDeletelmboo@@bitchatude!! Hey Im gonna use that when Don reminds me Im "pissy"...ooooooo I jus wanna smak him one everytime he does that lol. I hate that word!! I like Bitchatude betta!!
ReplyDeleteIm with ya Lockie....Men!!!
They loveee to bee in Loveeeeee with thier Privates lmbooooooo :)
That was so funny. I'm glad I didn't read that at work, folks would look over and wonder "what the hell that was all about".
ReplyDelete