NOVEMBER 5, 2009 I'M ALIVE AND WELL... TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE..
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NOVEMBER 5, 2009
I'M ALIVE AND WELL...
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY
OF THE REST OF MY LIFE..
Hello everyone...
Long time no type from Lockie huh? Well I have no excuse except I did not want to subject you guys to me whining and carrying on like a child over this stupid man who will not leave my heart alone, even though my head says to cut him out of my entire thinking or dreaming life. sigh.. the human condition is such that our own bodies make us war against ourselves.. emotions are truly something which can make you into a screaming, sobbing, mass of nerve endings, when common sense should override them and let us at least be able to function in daily life.. but nope.. especially women.. we have a hard row to hoe gentlemen so be nice to us .. or pay the hormonal imbalanced price!.. if you care that is..
Well I will be okay in the future or I won't.. that is what I have come to realize. I can't control another human being when they do not want to be, especially by being a complete and total doormat for them.. even after I find out another really nasty mean thing they did to me when I was dumb enough to believe I could trust them, I still do a meltdown.. I am a puddle.. a big and really gross puddle when I do that.. sigh.. sigh.. sigh.
He is not home... he is with an old girlfriend and I really wish to goodness that when her one and only husband of the many hundreds of men she has been with, divorced her.. he would have just shot her and a lot of misery would not have been spread around by this whore/huzzy... witch... I could go on.. but I bet you get the message. I mean he could have chosen someone else instead of my next door neighbors ex daughter in law you would think.. why just complicate my life a little bit.. he decided to just totally rip me up and down and never even looked backwards. I know I was a lot at fault.. but I have come to realize.. the actions that led up to this that I was acting out.. were a direct result of the actions he was taking with me. Hind sight is always 20/20 and I do not have that pair of glasses handy.. do any of you?
Well lets go onto a happier subject. Last Sunday was my sons 26th birthday and he wanted to go to the local winery's and go on their tasting tours and then to the best bar-b-que joint in the state so.. Mom said okay my treat load up the Lab Caddy (my son works for Lab Corp and has a company car he calls the Lab Caddy even though it is a PT Cruiser).. and away we went!
I do not drink very much at all.. and after we visited three wineries.. Mom, Jamie, and Cally were a little bit buzzed to say the least.. and I hate the taste of the stuff.. warm rotten fruit juice is my tasting report card.. but it was fun.. lots of fun! The bar-b-que place was closed by the time we finally made it back to Ozark from the top of St. Marys Mountain where they have a convent and some really spectacular views! It is in the slide show I got for you to see what I saw last Sunday.
Last thing is that Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews have teamed up, old time rock and roll and country, to produce this duet that I simply adore. It is called I'm Alive.. posted a video and the lyrics.. just listen to the easy melody and the words and you will instantly feel calm and blessed
I'm Alive
Kenny Chesney
Featuring - Dave Matthews
So damn easy to say that life's so hard
Everybody's got their share of battle scars
As for me I'd like to thank my lucky stars that
I'm alive and well It'd be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you've sat and watch go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me... I'm alive
And today you know that's good enough for me
Breathing in and outs a blessing can't you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
And I'm alive and well
I'm alive and well
Stars are dancing' on the water here tonight
It's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sight
This motor's caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I'm alive and well
And today you know that's good enough for me
Breathing in and outs a blessing can't you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
Now I'm alive and well
Yeah I'm alive and well
Love to you all ..
Lockie the Single and Hormonal Bunny.
lockerridge
Well once a Pig(or Sow),."ALWAYS" a Pig!!! I'm not sayin that people can't Change,..but WHY wait around!? Is the End result even worth it!!? You've got a LIFE 2 live,.We only get "ONE" go around here,..so MAKE IT COUNT! People play with emotions & feelings, because they CAN,.or at least they've been Permitted to. If someone is dumb enough to leave,.just be SMART enough to LET THEM!
ReplyDeleteThe slideshow was Beautiful,..I've been in the general area & it's like a Paradise! Such natural beauty.I don't drink spoiled grape juice either,.give me a Nehi any old day! No much of a Mathews or Chesney fan myself,.but the song was inoffensive enough(lol) Oh,..one more thing
WELCOME BACK!!!!
Awww, Terri ... I've been in that emotional hell-hole more than once and once is enough! I can empathise with the turmoil one is left with and I know it's not easy to break free ... you just have to endure it until something locks off inside and you realise that he was a worthless piece of shite that didn't have the guts to break it off before starting a new relationship. These users are not worth one tear ... but we cry anyway! You'll come through, my friend ... but the main thing is to learn from it and not repeat the pattern with another worthless piece of ...well, you get the drift. Never be a doormat for any man.
ReplyDeleteI liked the video a lot ... it's a good tearjerker if you're feeling down, so let those tears flow and start healing now Terri.
That day out made me quite jealous. The scenery alone was worth going for, let alone the wine! That's a fine looking son you have there, Terri. You must be so proud of him.
Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. Now don't make a pig's ear of it!
“TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE” And all the following days will be best of your life Lockie.
ReplyDeleteHappy to know that you had a good time during Jamie's birthday out, trip to the hill top. Wine tast like warm rotten fruit juice, there is something wrong with your taste buds I say wine tastes like honey to me ;) - Nice slide show so is you
I liked the comment of beatle boy below.... The lyrics are there for me I knew thanks and love to you
Glad to have you back gal.........dude needs his neck wrung.........and you do have a nice looking son.....he's so tall! Wow......keeping you in my prayers.......
ReplyDeleteNext door neighbors ex daughter in law??!...Wow...Gotta admit the dudes has some massive size nuts, but I would have taken a some pliers to 'um, they would be calling me the nut cracker...lol
ReplyDeleteI'll bet your surprised to see me, huh? If it means anything to ya girl, you ain't alone. It simply amazes me what emotional stress can do to the human body.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't know about you, but it seems the more I learn about men, the less I understand. I thought we got wiser with age.. *shakes head in sadness*
Hang in there Lockie. If you will, I will... ((( Huge Supportive Hug )))
Great song Lockie.... great song.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you back. You've been missed. :)
Thanks Steve... I just realized when I was writing this that our relationship was so unhealthy for me. He was the one who turned me into someone who had no hope or optimism. He has none himself most of the time. It is just when he got one of his sudden rushes of energy and I could not turn it on and follow him this time.. too far gone this time.. that he jumped up and did the most awful thing a person can do in a relationship.. he broke trust and physical contact with another woman is so repugnant to me .. I could never let him touch me without thinking about it.. nope .. done and over .. such a shame.. 10 years of trying and caring down the drain!
ReplyDeleteOh have been doing just way too much leaking for three months now.. time to dry it up and pull up my drawers and realize .. life sucks and I can't do a darn thing about it but get over it!
ReplyDeleteYep.. love you too Pd
ReplyDeleteI am not 100 percent by any means but I am waking up like I have been wandering around in a dense fog for months.. which I have.. first his influencing moods on me and the realization subconsciously that he was never going to change and be who I need him to be to be happy simply squashed all my emotions toward him till he just suddenly left me..
ReplyDeleteHe finally got his clothes two weeks ago.. imagine that if you can.. he lived with only a change of clothes to his name for 2 1/2 months. How could he do that ?.. I would want my things out of the place I had left in fear that they would not fair well when I pissed off the owner, whom he pissed off regularly!
Jamie is not all that tall.. I am just real short! lol
Welcome to my blog! I don't have the energy to get revenge.. or the desire. He made his choice and well she is the one who left him 11 years ago with a huge mortgage and no way to pay it by himself. He is really a good guy.. but a good guy with a poor me complex that rubbed off on me and just covered me up till I shut down and then he left cause I could not jump up and run with him when he got one of his energy rushes.. I wonder if he is a manic or just plain old lazy sometimes.
ReplyDeleteYeah I am kind of surprised but not a whole lot Karma.. once you find friends on these sites and hook up with some good supportive people.. this is where I always return to get the love and kindness I need to make myself see myself as something other than what someone else says I am. Which after a while.. I would have seen it myself.. but with all you guys here for me.. I saw it much quicker.. I am going to be okay.. I have no choice. If he needs a whore to make him happy he will never be happy with me I can tell you that!
ReplyDeleteIt is still hit and miss but I will be around.. off and on.. I am moving into my moms house and have already rented out the trailer and I am still trying to get all my stuff out of it.. which of course mean't having to force him to come and get his junk and that is when I found out about the cheating on me.. Lord watched over this woman that day I tell ya.. or shall I say the bitch he cheated with.. she is very lucky I am not one hundred percent sure where they are living.. or the papers would have picked up the story of the fire that claimed two lives the next morning!
ReplyDelete*waves*
ReplyDeleteor the papers would have picked up the story of the fire that claimed two lives the next morning!
ReplyDeleteOoooooh....I would help!!!! I like bonn fires!!! bwhahahaha I'm sorry you have had to deal with this...you're too good a person to have a man like that around!!! If'n ya need me.......holler!!!!!
lol ... i like a good fire too.
ReplyDeleteglad to see you back lockie.
You're getting it together now! Good for You!! Everything is starting to fall into place for you. It's so nice to see a post from you and to know you're ok.
ReplyDeleteYour son is handsome. So glad you had a good time at the wine tasting. Wine tastes the same to me as it does to you.....yuk! Beautiful pictures in the slide show. Thanks for sharing.
Nice video. I enjoyed it.
BIG HUGS
I'm sorry that happened. He wasn't good enough for you. You're a Christian, right? He doesn't sound like a believer and if a non-believing spouse leaves, the believer is free to marry someone else. Sounds like you haven't lost anything but a problem, and that's really a good thing! I know it's hard but it will get better.
ReplyDeletewaves back
ReplyDeleteYou know I am beginning to think maybe I am not so sorry I had to deal with this .. for the first time in my life I am actually free. I mean I can rent my house and my trailer house and get a pretty good sum monthly and I can move to anywhere my heart desires or I can stay here and get a part time job to supplement the rent coming in and just kick it back and not have to worry about anyone but me for a while.. well I always worry about my son.. but this man garbage is just too much to have to bear ya know?
ReplyDeleteFires is real good isn't it?
ReplyDeleteAnd you helped me start the road in this direction and helped me endless days and PM's my friend.. I love you much .. I really really do!
ReplyDeleteHe is a Christian Lisa.. he is just not the man I met ten years ago by any means.. and it is due to the spoiling I am guilty of initiating and then men being men.. begin to expect more and more and more till you finally balked and then they are pissed and they will leave.. trying to find someone who will continue in the pattern you started.. lol.. hopefully the huzzy from porno hell will never be able to keep up with me in that respect and kicks his sorry butt to the street.. now that would be worth a whole lot to see ..
ReplyDeleteIT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK TERRI, SO SORRY THINGS WENT BAD FOR YOU.
ReplyDeleteLIFE SUCKS WHEN MEN BECOME ASSHOLES.
GLAD YOU CAN GO ON, THANK GOD YOU ARE OK. KEEP BEING STRONG PERSON YOU ARE. GOD BLESS YOU MY FRIEND.
LOVE YOU, ((HUGS)) XOXO
Thanks Tammy.. I don't know what is going on in that guys head lately or recently shall I say.. I mean he showed up at the house last night and lied to me about where he had been when I didn't even ask him. I had a date and had to tell him I needed to go and he tried to hug me and I just walked away.. for the love of all that is lockies mental condition.. I am stopping all communications now.. I simply have to get on with my life and he is just not helping me out, even though it was what he wanted. Argh! I hate a liar and a cheat!
ReplyDeleteSo glad I could help, sweet Lockie. Love you, too.
ReplyDeleteYaaaay!! A date! Good for you! Hope you had a fantastic time. Also, I'm so glad you told Homer to leave......BRAVO! You GO, girl.
ReplyDeleteBIG HUGS
keep hanging in there terry
ReplyDeleteI just do not know what is up with him at all! He acts so depressed and unhappy every time I see him.. like he does not want to be there with me at all.. but he does not want to be where he is either.. he will not admit he is living with this thing to me or anyone else for that matter but it is obvious he is! What gives with this crazy mixed up man?
ReplyDeleteHoney.. I have been hanging by a broken thread for years it seems like.. and it keeps getting more and more shaky all the time.. I think this calls for drastic measures.. like a bottle of something cold and alcoholic and a man who thinks I am something special and is glad to have had me accept his invitation to spend time with him.. so that is exactly what I did .. and it did not help at all! argh!
ReplyDeletebottles of cold alcohol sure taste good but they do cloud our judgements... i am learning that I dont need a man to meet my needs. Jesus meets my needs and I dont have to "put out" or be a trophy wife. neither do you. and the cool thing, talking to God.. He doesnt take my temper personally.
ReplyDeleteWell I have to keep in mind my age in all of this hon.. I am no spring chicken, I am more like an Indian Summer Chicken Hawk.. lol.. Kind of tough and mean cause I am getting to the point with just life in general that I just don't see what the big deal is in anything anymore. I mean it is all vanity as Ecclesiastes tells us. There is also a time and a season for everything ... and quite frankly.. it is the time for me to start looking forward to the harvest and stop having to plow new ground in my life.
ReplyDeleteI have to tell you one thing about me.. when I give out my heart and my loyalty to a man and I promise him to always love only him as long as we both shall live.. then that is what I do.. he is shall living still yet ( though if he keeps this messing with my emotions up much longer ... that could be remedied) so I can't help but love the man even though he has ripped me a new one.. I was at fault also but he should not have sinned and we would not be in this mess.. as I should not have let him be left to get that lonely for me till he went and did the thing he knew I would never forgive lightly. sigh sigh sigh.. sigh sigh sigh.. I just want him to settle down and us get to some kind of level of emotional stability.. I can't take much more of this stuff!
This is what I would like to see and waiting for while knowing that such an event will occur very soon.
ReplyDeleteI think that after I told him everything I knew about her.. lol.. I think he is not staying with her at all now.. maybe visiting .. but not living with her! lol.. I love it... I would love to be able to tell her just everything I know about her.. I think she thinks no one else knows who and what she really is... HA! I am to a point with this whole ordeal that I am just not caring what he does any more. He keeps coming around and calling me... I have stopped all communications originating from me to him.. so now he is calling me.. and just showing up out of the blue.. but he does not feel the same toward me.. it is obvious for me to see.. I think he has lost a few of his crackers he used for brain cells.
ReplyDeleteLol ~ So you managed to make him frightened by telling about her....haha I liked it....
ReplyDeleteNow what he want to call and discuss further!! about re-uniting?? Lol at "he has lost a few of his crackers he used for brain cells"
No he has not given any indication that is what he wants at all.. I can not feel any kind of vibe like that from him at all. He calls to ask a question about something I know or if I have seen an item of his.. stuff like that. He owed me a few dollars and came last week and paid me .. Whoa! ... and then on Saturday morning .. lol.. he came by because he had screwed up again with going to the casino and was feeling like a fool( which he is for doing that stupid stuff) and needed somebody to talk to that would not jump all over him for being stupid. He knows that I won't do that and I never have, even when the loss affected my budget.. He knows me very very well and he just needed a shoulder to lean on for a bit till he got over being so down on himself. I of course.. provided the needed support and he stayed for a long time and helped me with a few things that were too heavy for me to move by myself.
ReplyDeleteI don't know PD.. I can't see us ever working out, not the way we were anyway there at the last. If we could just start over with a wiser and better appreciation for each other we might have a chance... but a very very slim one at best.
Lockie is gona be okay buddy.. thanks to all the support from friends I have here and in real time. I am going to survive.. thanks so much to you and everyone else for sticking by me when I was nothing but pitiful.. and I do that very well! lol.. love you much my old friend.. love you much!