Lockie on the Move Again
I guess I kind of did fall off the edge a bit, for a while there. Seemed like nothing was ever going to stay good in my life in reference to those I love.
I keep losing them... and that is a bitch when you can't go where they are to find them again.
I seem to not be able to see the symptoms of a totally one sided relationship, and in the same vein the ones I love, seem to not ever love me as much as I do them, and I seem to always end up getting really hurt.
like I am absolutely nothing but something to use, it seems they have a way of making me feel guilty if I say no to one of their requests. In the end it does not net me anything except getting hurt and used.
I do not know why I have this ability to make myself into someone whom they do not respect, but I have taken some time and put a lot of thought into the matter and I have decided...
I can't help who I am.
I can't help how I treat people, and it is really a sad thing when that kind of giving personality attracts the most sneaky and dishonest types of people. I am trying to not be so naive in my handling of the new people who have come into my life lately, and I absolutely hate this kind of thinking that makes me look to see if they are just trying to get something out of me later on by being nice to me today.
I do not trust anyone anymore and I simply hate it!
I thought perhaps if I moved to a new location and left all the nasty memories and people behind it would be better ... but once again I am...
WRONG!
When I closed on this piece of property I bought in the town I am now working in ... it was a part of the agreement that the seller would provide for me a perc test for the septic system. This test is supposed to provide the health department with a soil sampling to determine if the septic system will drain well by the soil type and if I can just put in a standard type septic tank and the lateral lines leading out from it in a normal type way.. okay.. I am cool with that.. since I will be on city water anyway.. I am not to worried about the ground water becoming contaminated from a septic system..
So after I had closed on the property and put in for an address to be issued to me, I contacted the water company and put in a request to be hooked into their water line that runs in front of the property.. it took them two weeks to call me and tell me that there were no more hookups on the line allowed on that particular system. Apparently the developer of the property opted to not upgrade the water system when he started to sell the lots..
ARGH!
I was irritated to say the least and contacted the real estate agent about the whole thing.. she told me that it was not a matter that had to be disclosed to me in the normal disclosures, one has to provide when selling a piece of property, if it does not have an existing home on it..
sucks but legal.. sigh..
So I drilled a well. It sounds as though it will provide enough water to me to do anything I need to do.. but since the electric company has taken a month to get to me.. how the hell am I supposed to know if it does or not since I can't get the pump in the well without power to tell me if it is what the driller said it was or not!
Back to the septic system and perc test... sigh... when I contacted a plumber about getting the pump in the well, the gas hooked up from the natural gas line and the septic system put in the ground.. he told me I needed a copy of the perc test to give him with the septic system diagram on it that a rep from the health department was supposed to have filed with the health department. So I went to the health department and they have nothing on file from any perc test done for me.. and when I gave them the name of the woman who was to do the diagramming and all the filing with them.. she said that another person was given my project and when the health department tried to contact him.. he is getting a divorce and the contact number is no good and no one knows where the hell he is living at now..
and he has already been paid....
I feel a major screwing coming over me without aide of lubricant!!!
I have given up on anyone from the new town being honest and trying to help me by actually doing their jobs. So I contacted my electrician from home and he has promised to help me all he can. I am already into him for over 600 dollars in materials and labor and I am still yet to have power or water or sewer or gas to my house!
He is scheduled to come back tomorrow to hook the house up to the power which, the power company told him on Friday they could not set the meter until Monday... I was there yesterday and the meter was in the loop..
ARGH!!!!!!!
I have reached maximum overload folks!!
Tomorrow I plan to arrive very early indeed to the new town in which I am moving and make a mark for myself.
I mean a big black streak with fire shooting from it!
This is what is commonly called..
BULLSHIT!..
where I come from and I do think it would be known to the rest of the country as such also.
Why does this always happen to Terri?...
I guess cause they can do it to me and I never reach maximum overload...
This is a learned quality I think, and I am about to learn how!
So I will fill you in later on the results of my fact finding mission tomorrow and until then...
"Never let 'em see you sweat, and don't make apologies for who you are just to feel valued by others."
Dire Straits Instrumental
lockerridge
Are all the people in that town related to Mr. Haney by any chance?
ReplyDeleteFirst cousins I am thinking.. maybe it is just a major mix up.. but .. well I closed on the property on June 30... moved the trailer up there two weeks later and it is now two days before the first of September and I am still not living in it! I am pissed off.. can you tell? LOL
ReplyDelete*smiles n hugs*
ReplyDeleteOh Lockie, something has to go your way soon! I send you hugs and love.
ReplyDeleteThere are two comments about yourself which stand out to me. One is "...it seems they have a way of making me feel guilty if I say no to one of their requests." And the second is "...I do not know why I have this ability to make myself into someone whom they do not respect." These two sentences marry because the second sentence comes about because of the first. Nobody should put their own interests aside because of being made to feel guilty if they do not. Nobody! If you allow this to happen, then people think you do not respect yourself enough to do what YOU need to do for you. They then know they can walk all over you.
ReplyDeleteTerri ... you can do what is good and right for you without walking over others. You just have to assert yourself in a pleasant manner. You truly do have to put your foot down now and tell yourself that you've been screwed over for the last time. This does NOT mean you can't trust anyone ever again ... it just means that you, personally, have to dot the i's and cross the t's yourself and not take anyone else's word that it will be done, or you have to telephone every day to ask if it has been done and if not, why not. This can all be done pleasantly. Stand up for Terri ... she's worth it ... she deserves it ... and she's the only one who will truly make things happen for you.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, Terri ... but half the battle is to take control of your own life and to make sure that people deliver what they promise. You deserve this much respect at the very least!
My prayers are that everything will now fall into place for you, so that you can settle in and start enjoying your new home. Don't be bitter, Terri ... just get wise ... and start afresh. Trust again ... because a life without trust is a lonely one, filled with paranoia.
I forgot to give you this .... **Hug**
ReplyDeleteBuying realestate has been a real learning experience for me too.
ReplyDeleteI understand the trust thing, there have been two people online who I got to know and trust, they betrayed my trust and that of a friend too. I understand how hurtful that can be. It's also happened to me in real life, I was 'stabbed in the back' by a work colleague, who basically took a job that should have gone to me. So yes, I can kind of empathise with you there.
ReplyDeleteI really hope all this works out for you, you seem like a lovely person and I don't think you deserve all the crap that seems to be falling on you right now.
*Hugs and hands over chocolate.......................and an inflatable hammer* :)
sumax is right Terri.......so very right......you worry someone might get offended I suppose if you show skeptacism toward them......but Terri....gal, it's healthy to be skeptical.....in my opinion it is in so many ways.....whether or not we deserve people messing us over in life is not the issue.....the issue is, the average joe WILL mess you over in life if it suits their purpose.....I grew up in a family that will mess you over girl....I know that some people are only capable of being so good and seems like everyone has their limits......happy surprises in life is what I look for.....I hardly ever have expectations....
ReplyDeleteHere's some froggie hugs.
ReplyDeleteSometimes life sucks. Unfortunately the sucky bits tend to come in clumps and that's all we see. That sounds like where you are now and I really feel for you.
It is all too easy to blame ourselves when we get used, or squished, or burned, but as you said you are who you are. Working on being more confident as yourself will go a lot further than trying to make yourself different. (My wife has a bit of this problem, it comes with her mental illness.) Having a good counsellor can make all the difference.
With the situation in the other town... Make a list of what has and hasn't happened. Make another list of what you want to happen in each situation, and who can help you make it happen. Remember you really do catch more flies with honey. Each of the people you deal with has their own collection of problems, if you can win them over to your side you will have a much easier time of it.
I will add you to my prayer list.
Some hugs by a person who has done it all -- several times. They say we are too trusting, when what they mean it other people are not to be trusted. They say we are doormats, when what they mean is that other people are wearing jackboots. Good people should not have to apologize for being victimized by a**holes.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, it seems we can develop such a thing as caution, if not outright cynicism. It's a tough lesson to learn, but some people are not only deceitful and unjust, they are talented at appearing to be just as sweet and honest as you are. So keep your BS filters on high gain, and move forward in spite of them.
Howdy, Ter, I was just visiting Sue's quiz takers' pages.... Stumbled on this blog.
ReplyDeleteShucks, be yourself. Do what you gotta do. How others react is up to them, their choice. I don't think any of us should be any less than who we are.
I can relate to trust issues. It took me quite some time not to throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak, not to shut out the good folks while shutting out the jerks. A friend of mine says she has a metaphorical fence around her life with a padlock. That way she can let in and keep out those of her choosing. Works for me. Much better than the tall walls I used to build.
Anyway, sorry to ramble. I will look for your big streak zooming across the sky ;). Hang in there. Hugs.
Thank you all my friends for the excellent advice! The tremendous moral boosters that I needed so much today. I have not the time to make individual replies right now.. got to get it together and head north to work out something that might actually be finished today!... be back later to reply to each of you.. you have no idea how much it has helped me to have a better outlook today by giving me your honest opinions based on life experience.. tremendous people I have met her online.. wish you guys were in my reality life.. sure do!..
ReplyDeleteTerri, I say that you should focus on your positive traits and not dwell on what you think is wrong. Wrong about you, wrong about others. First, you can NEVER control what someone else does. Ever. You can only control what you do. Now I know that you can be true to yourself and that you are a caring and giving person, but by expecting others to treat you the same way that you treat them, you can set yourself up for disappointment. No one is ever you. If treating people in your life the way you do makes you HAPPY, then do it. If you do things for them in the hopes that they will do something back and it doesn't happen, or it makes you UNHAPPY, stop! It's kinda that simple and difficult all that the same time.
ReplyDeleteTrust your guts. Give love freely without expectation of return and soon you'll find that what you thought was missing will start to show up. Think about things that make you feel good, and deal with, but don't dwell on, the stuff that goes on that doesn't. Crappy things happen to everyone, but how they deal with them is the key.
Do the things in life, love and business that aligns with your internal compass. If your guts feel good about it, it's right. If your thoughts, behavior or actions make you feel sad, uncomfortable or bad, then they were probably not right.
And don't forget to breathe and know that there are those of us who may never have set eyes on your, but we love you anyway.
LOL.. aw ducky.. always the one with the hug and the smile.. needed it .. thanks ducks!
ReplyDeleteI am catching the the hugs and love and sending them back your way double sweet Vinnie. I do have some things going my way Vinnie.. I love my job still yet.. I like the people I work with, and I like this town I work in.. it is just the piddly stuff that drags out a project I need to complete, or the people who seem to pop up in the most opportune times in my life when I am down or in need of a friendly face, who end up being not my friend at all, and darn it .. it is some what my fault for being the one they can come to to get help.. they learn very quickly that I have stuff, and when you have stuff and do not mind loaning it out.. to someone who needs it.. pretty soon they start to just not bring things back.. and then it becomes an issue of me ending up losing and getting hurt.. now how the heck do you stop that kind of thing from happening except stop trusting and giving to folks. I dunno..
ReplyDeleteThank you Sue.. your not being harsh at all! I know all these things your telling me to be the truth, but I have done all you have you suggested in the past. The i's dotted, the t's crossed and the z's zigzagged too, but so much of what we do is dependent on other people who just seem to recognize that I am pretty much in the dark about what I am needing done.. I mean I research as much as I can, ask opinions of other people who are leaned about the thing I am wanting to do, and then I contact and hire someone who is recommended by someone else who did good work for me and they promise to know what they are doing or at least have some years of experience and then they stick me with a crew of kids or something that I am supposed to watch over and manage for them I guess, and I am hopeless at that kind of thing. Then when things start to go wrong, or they simply are doing a crappy job and I point it out to them.. it gets worse! I have been to small claims court several times and I have won each time.. but that is simply unacceptable to me, to have to do that every time I launch something for myself. Maybe I do not pay enough attention to the fine print, but for a fact.. I trust blindly.. and I can't seem to keep myself from doing it!
ReplyDeleteI am working on it.. I am really trying to pull out the one point I am not getting a hold of here... it is in there I am sure.. I just have to find it! And until I do... once I get myself moved in to this place.. all projects that I can't do myself.. will be put on hold for a while till I get my bearing on this problem!
I pretty much think that is the basis of why I am like I am Crystal. I am an only child that comes from a honest and totally responsible mom and dad. My Dad would rather cut out his tongue than lie, and if he did .. he would torture himself with it till he confessed it all and it has cost him somethings in his life, but he said it was better to lose a persons faith in him than his faith in himself.
ReplyDeleteThat is who I pattern my ways from and well.. I think maybe my Dad was the only person who ever walked the earth who was like that. It must not be true.. but .. I just naturally think everyone is like him, and they start out being a lot of good things.. but it goes to poop eventually. Gotta be me and how I do things.. or it would not keep happening all the time to me.
pharmfarm59538, dory, celticfrog, auntb93also, Jo, .... You guys advice is some of the best I have received, and the fact that I am not the only one who has trust issues because being treated unfairly .. or by golly in the case of some of them, downright cruel... and stealing from me... in a round about and planned act.. makes it all not so huge .. and I did get the power and water hooked up today.. it cost me a mint.. but it is there and now to deal with the sewer and the health dept. One thing at a time.. one day at a time.. One dragon to slay a day.. and maybe.. just maybe.. someday.. true love and trust just might hit one day and I find that place in my lifetime where I am treated back as I treated out.
ReplyDeletelove y'all.. terri
Dadgum it girlfriend.. you made me cry with that one!
ReplyDeleteI'm late in reading this, Terri. I'd love to just wrap my arms around you in a huge hug! And I also wish I were there to breathe a lot of hot dragon fire around and toast some... well you know.
ReplyDeleteIt's horrible to have to be on your guard all the time. Gradually you will know who the good guys are and folks who are not on the up and up in your new town. Looks to me like you've already got a "list" of bad 'uns started. You will find some true friends there. They just haven't come out of the woodwork yet.
As for love... I don't know what to tell you about that. If you stop looking for it, it will find you. It will creep up on you softly, all unawares.
Hang in there. Keep talking to us. We love you.
Did you look into getting some legal advice? I hope it turns out okay for you in the end. I too am part owner of a country property that I should Never have agreed to move into. Long story..
ReplyDelete