FEBRUARY 20, 2009 LOCKIES FRIDAY FUNNY FINDS

FEBRUARY 20, 2009
LOCKIES
FRIDAY FUNNY FINDS

   
In a small Southern town a trial was taking place. The small-towns' prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand.  She stood and made her way to the front of the courtroom, taking her time as she was a small elderly woman.. he smiled patiently because she reminded him
of his own grandmother.    It took quite a bit of time to get her sworn in and then finally he was ready to question her.  He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded in clear sweet voice, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you." The lawyer was mortified... and after a few moments of strained silence,  in a somewhat strangled voice, while pointing across the room at the defense attorney, he asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"> She again replied, in her sweet grandmotherly voice, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife.
Yes, I know him." The defense attorney ,  was having trouble breathing and his face was drained of all color. The judge noticing the defense attorneys difficulties call for a recess, and then motioned both counselors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said, "If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I will sentence you to life in prison, with her for a cell mate."



The Coldest Igloo
Three macho Eskimos were arguing about who had the coldest igloo. So they decided to check each one of their igloos, in turn.    The first Eskimo was very confident he would win that upon reaching his igloo and going inside, with great drama, he pulled back his polar bearskin blanket, revealing that his bed was made of ice.    He puffed out his chest and said,"I am so tough my bed is made of ice and I don't even feel it at night!"   "Wow that is impressive.. but.. ah..  mine is colder," proclaimed  the second Eskimo with confidence. Sure enough when they  reached his igloo, he pulled open the door and it was snowing inside!    "Pretty cold," conceded the third Eskimo, "But I've got both of you beat."   So they proceeded to his igloo and went inside.. it wasn't snowing.. but he did pull the cover off his bed to reveal it was also made of ice, but with a large brown spot in the middle of the ice.   The first and second Eskimos looked at each other and started to laugh saying," What is so much colder in here than our igloos.. you don't even have it snowing in here."   The third Eskimo just grinned and taking an ice pick chipped the brown spot off of the ice bed and put it into a pan... that he carried over and sat on top of the wood stove in the igloo.   Then he said," Wait a minute or two."   So they waited and in a couple of minutes that hear a large sound like somebody passing gas... Eskimo one and two held their noses and said in unison," Have mercy.. you got something dead in that stove!"   The third Eskimo grinned widely and said...   " Nope..  It is so cold in my igloo even my farts freeze... I win!"

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